Firenze

Florence is the home of the ever-famous David, the Pitti palace, and the Boboli Gardens. The River Arno runs through the city, and the city is surprisingly pretty cool altogether. That wasn't my first opinion of the city. The walk from the train station to our hostel upon our arrival reminded me of Mexico somewhat. Not that I don't love my native country, but I just wanted to see something different. Our first evening did just that.

Hostel sweetness.


At the park, mapping out and preparing for Florence.


The most amazing tiramisu...


...at our favorite Italian ristorante (this go around anyway), Zio Gigi...


View from our hostel rooftop.


La iglesia.


Streets of Florence.


As the sun rose.






More Florence to come.

Because I'm tired of H&C tonight...

Randomness because I'm tired of the news this hour. So, you get to know me better.

Where is the person you miss most?​
Kansas...but headed to Dallas soon.

Whats your current problem?
LOL. Seriously?

Do you keep grudges,or can you let them go easily?
I used to be terrible at letting things go. I'm a little more like butter now.

Could you go a day without eating?
Once in a while.

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?
I don't remember. If I'm out and someone lights up, I typically walk away...unless it's a friend, then I pull it out and smoke it myself. Just kidding!

Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
What is soon? In the next 2 weeks, prolly not.

What sport do you enjoy watching?
Football. So glad it's football season.

Do you find tattoos attractive?
Only if they cover your entire body. lol.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
With Nicorette (is that what it's called?). And what's with all these smoking questions?

Where's the last place you went?
Outside. Quick walk with the mom.

Last thing you ate?
Microwaved wanna-be Chinese. I hate the microwave.

Last game you played?
Game...hmmm...I don't think I've played a game this entire year. How terrible.

How good is coca-cola?
Though it typically doesn't fit in my lifestyle, I can't resist a CHERRY Coke with some popcorn at the movies.

Who was the last person you were in a car with?
ugh? My momma.

Do you think a lot of people think bad things about you?
I don't know.

What were you doing at midnight last night​?
Watching the craziness.

Do you fight with your parents often​?
No way. My mom's way too AWESOME for that.

How many texts are in your inbox​?​
Don't know. I'm working with this Wal-Mart phone that I still can't operate. Can't wait to get my G1.

Are you excited for anything?
Living with my husband again.

What's the greatest thing that you did today​?
Lol. Umm...took a shower...???

Tell me about the shirt you're wearing?
Gray. I love gray clothing. It could take over my closet...I mean, my suitcases. Oh, and there's a yellow bird on it.

What do you currently hear?
Joe, the plumber, on H&C.


When was the last time you had your hair cut?
September. It's already grown like 2 inches. This is what stinks about short cuts on me.

When were you last outside?
A couple of hours ago.

Does your head hurt?
Nope.

Are you happy right now?
Sure.

Do you wish someone was with you right now?
Are you kidding me?

Is someone on your mind right now?
Uh, actually lots of someones.


Do you need to say anything to someone?
Most of them know.

When was the last time you were disappointed?
"Disappointment is a lover's word..." (The Interpreter.)
Um, prolly not a good question for me to answer.

What was something you disliked about your day?
The ridiculous emails with ridiculous comments about our new Pres-Elect. Opinions is one thing; rude stuff is another.

How does your hair look?
Crazy.

Is there anyone you would like to get things straight with?
Like Jess, I think I'm 'straight' with everyone.

Are you sleepy?
Not yet.

Anything you need to do?
Exercise. Eat well. Stop the laziness. Read a little. Grow a backbone.

If you were in the hospital would your family come see you?
I'm pretty sure. Ya.

Hows your heart been lately?
Sedentary.

Did you ever see the movie Pearl Harbor?
Yep.

Can you say all 50 states in alphabetic order​?
Oh yeah. I learned this song in 4th grade that will stay with me forever.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night​?
About 6 I think.

Are you loud?​
If you ask Nathan, yes.

History

What a day and what a night, hey? Today I didn't care if I was like everyone else. I watched the drama unfold most of the day, except when I took my mom to vote and when my aunt brought over the best strawberry cupcakes with pink icing. They were huge, and I ate my entire cupcake. I love cupcakes because there's just something about enjoying your own delicacy rather than a slice from a big cake.

So you know what I was annoyed with today? Dumb emails from people trying to persuade me to vote one way or the other. Seriously? If an email is going to change my mind at this point in time, then we're in worse shape than I thought. And trying to tell me that I should vote this way because I believe in God or that way for the same reason is pretty annoying as well. We will always disagree on something. I mean, there are how many religions out there?? Even in Christianity, there are so many denominations - why? Because people disagree on something or other. Just my thoughts.

But you know what? I am glad that people are showing enough concern, and 10 years ago I might have been one of those emailers. Not only that, but I really do enjoy hearing different points of view. I've said it before, I love our differences because it's what makes the world go round. Hopefully, we can all be mature enough to look past those differences and love each other when it's all said and done. Love all.

You know what else was annoying? The ignorant comments people are making about either candidate.

So we have a winner, folks. And I'm still up listening to these anchors.

Back to the Motherland

To update on my mom - she's doing much better than last week. She's been eating pretty well and has since gained more and more strength every day. She looks good.

Her appointment with the surgeon today went very well. As soon as she feels strong enough, he's released her to return to Greenville for her job. I know she's not ready yet, so we'll wait a week or two still.

Nathan & I will be relocating to Dallas within the next month, and we'll only be about a 40 minute drive from my mom. So much happening.

Venice

This is what we saw when we came out of the train station in Venice. We arrived in the evening, and it was just beautiful. It's really better than what you see in the movies. We didn't have trouble finding our hostel even though we were a bit confused that they considered some of the one-person alleyways streets. After dropping off our luggage at our feels-like-home hostel, we meandered through a few canals here and there looking for what would be our first Italian pizza.

The view upon our arrival.


What was crazy about Venice is that most places closed by 10 or 10:30 PM. I know you're wondering what in the world we'd want to do at that time anyway. Well, like some Latin countries, we'd heard that people are just out eating and hanging out with their families pretty late. Not so in Venice. So after our delish pizza, we headed back to the hostel to get a little rest before our early morning.

Our hostel.


Jeri & I are both pretty much Type A's and didn't want to waste a single moment sleeping when we could be out experiencing Italy, so we were out gallivanting by 6 almost every morning. Venice sunrises are beautiful.







Rialto Bridge



St. Mark's Square




At the park.


Wandering through Venice.



Up next: Florence

Milan

I haven't had a chance to post Italy pictures or even say much about it. Well, between us, Jeri and I got hundreds of pictures. She's a photographer so hers are beautiful...but her rockstar self still had to edit (the already perfect pictures)...and my too-busy-to-care-to-edit self...well, I haven't edited, nor have I even sent Jeri my share. She has pictures of me and I of her, but...anyway, I'm rambling. It's late, but I figured I should start sometime.

So excited...


So we started off in Milan. Here we are on the roof of their Duomo. Climbing all million stairs to get up there was SOOOOOO worth it. In America, we would never be allowed to even get a near a building that was hundreds of years old. Oh wait, our country isn't old enough to have buildings that old. Anyway, the Italians are way cool for allowing us to climb this incredible building.

This picture does it NO justice.


This one tries.


Climbing up.


The view.


Headless babies.


Taking a break.


Feeding the birds.



Moving on to Venice.



I prefer pictures with faces in them, but some of this stuff was just too good to pass up whether or not we could get ourselves in the shot.

Milan was our first taste of Italy, and a good one it was. Italy only got better and better every day.

Beckham

So back in September I did the annual hair-cutting thing. For years now I've let my hair grow as long as I could take it, and then I find someone I trust to do some kind of major cut. About four years ago, my stylist, Chip, encouraged me to begin donating it. My first batch was for him. He was an aspiring artist and had started an on-line hair school project thing. He was planning on making a wig and some paint-brushes from my hair. He had traveled the world and had pretty much done it all as a stylist but had this dream of teaching people REAL skills and doing this online. Unfortunately, Chip passed very unexpectedly and tragically before he was able to fulfill that dream.

After his passing, I thought it'd be kinda cool to take on the challenge of donating my hair and maybe every year. I don't just have thick hair, I have an insane amount of crazy thick hair that seems to grow twice as fast as anyone I know. I don't have anything to do with that. God made me that way. So why not give it to those who don't have it? We all have something we can give. Some have money, some have talents, I have hair.

Last year Locks of Love got my pony tail. This year, however, I've decided to send it to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths program, which makes wigs for women with breast cancer. This past year I've personally known 4 people who were diagnosed with some type of cancer.

Last year within a couple of weeks of donating my hair to Locks of Love, a good friend's little girl, Anya, was diagnosed with leukemia.

Last year in October, a very good friend and mentor of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Last year in December, my mom began tests for what they thought was very suspicious. January 2 of this year she was officially diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer.

In March of this year while my mom was finishing her first round of treatment, my childhood friend's mom was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer and immediately began her turn with chemo.

With the exception of my mom, the people I mentioned above all lost their hair during their treatments. Cancer is a yuck thing and so are its medical treatments. The last thing anybody should have to deal with is losing hair. That's where lovely hats and WIGS come in the picture. If you're reading this, you should totally consider growing out the hair and donating it. It's just hair, it'll grow back.

Here are some pictures from this year's donation.

Taken by my niece, Haley, about a month before the cut:



We had to do 2 ponies this year because of all the hair:


Not great but they'll work for now. Pics by my niece, Cara. In person the style is very Beckham...not necessarily intended, but I like.

Faith

Someone sent me this...

The greater miracle is found in the person who has not received the answer that he is looking for and still loves God.

End of the Road

So sometime around 11 a.m. today, my mom was released from MD Anderson. We were both a bit emotional when we got in the car. "Thank you, God," were the words from her mouth.

All seems to be going well so far. She has follow-up appointments next week to remove the stitches and then with the pain management people. Other than that, we're hopeful to just visit the clinic for semi-annual check-ups.

It doesn't seem like the end of something. I guess what I mean is that there hasn't really been closure yet...at least not in the ceremonial way I would want there to be. I think I'll have to get the family involved in throwing a party or something.

Empty Room

Good news - last night Mom had forward progress, and we had a good night...except when the commotion took place next door. The nursing asst had just left the room from doing vitals signs, and we were getting back to sleep when at 4:20 a.m. we hear things drop next door and nurses raise their voices commanding others to do this and that and get this and that and page such and such doctor...and then I heard, "Start CPR!" I tried to close my ears. I heard doctors in and out and within 30 minutes they were wheeling someone from their room. I couldn't sleep anymore. Around 7 one of mom's doctors came in to check on her, and when he left I finally had the guts to go down the hall to fill my cup with water. I realized that both of the people on either side of our room were gone. One room was being thoroughly cleaned the way they do when a patient is released. The other room still had belongings in it. A couple of hours later, the gentleman with belongings in his room was back in his bed.

You know, you (we) try to mind our own business here. We never like to stare into people's rooms if the door is open. Sometimes, though, you just can't help but glance. These days I don't really pay much attention to the other rooms. Yesterday, however, the lady from the room next door made it a point to greet us, smile, and make positive comments. It was nice. When I heard the commotion, I couldn't help but think of her. Her husband is now back in his room. But the other room is empty.

We hadn't experienced anything like that in our time here. We're now on one of the 'heart floors.' I think that means these are people with some kind of heart cancer. I didn't like the sound of all that commotion without knowing what was happening.

So back to my mom - in spite of the restless hours, she had BMs this morning, and she's holding liquids down. I ordered her a drink that's supposed to be sort of a meal supplement. Months ago she couldn't stand the taste. Today she can handle a few sips here and there. She knows she needs the nutrition and doesn't want to go the TPN route again. She was asking for food this morning, so let's see what the doc says about moving to that this evening or tomorrow morning.

1 Step Forward and 50 Steps Back

We had a pretty good night last night and actually got more sleep than usual. Unfortunately, this morning hasn't been that great even though we've done the things the doctors say to do. Once again it's a roller coaster.

Patience, Iago, Patience

Mom has now had a full 24 hours without vomiting, and I'm praying to God that the trend continues. This morning her bowels 'moved around' as the doctors were hoping, and so it seems that we're progressing...little by little. Last night it got to where they had to insert the tube, but the process itself made Mom gag and vomit even more. They wanted to give it a little longer before they took more drastic measures (putting her under in order to get the tube in). So no tube last night and no tube today.

God, give us a good night...and a good day...and better days than what we've had.


And what's up with the Colts???

Draining

Last night was not a good night. Mom woke up at 3 a.m. with nausea and vomiting, and the same thing happened a few hours later at 7. When he came by this morning, I asked Dr. Skibber's fellow what they were thinking in regards to her nutrition. He said that's not a concern at this moment. They're hoping this will all work itself out before they have to even think about a TPN-type thing. That just gets things complicated, etc. etc.

He did say, however, that if Mom continued to vomit, they'd have to insert that tube thing into her stomach to drain it. That's really not what we want to do because the whole point is to get things into her stomach and into her bowels. The tube would kinda work against that, but if they had to just to calm things down, they may. They haven't had to do it so far.

The key to 'waking up' the intestinal areas that haven't had to work since she's had the ileostomy (mid-May) is for her to walk and move around. Easier said than done when you feel like junk.

One of the anti-nausea medicines they gave her earlier really sedated her to the point of confusion so she's just been sleeping for the most part. It's what I would want to do. Therein lies the walking challenge.

You know, there are people who have to deal with this for years. Years. This has been draining enough on my mom just since December/Jan. I can't imagine years of it. I've never known people with such resolve. It's pretty amazing. I have a little friend, Anya (click on her name), who was diagnosed with ALL, the most common type of children's cancer, the summer of 07. She was only 4. She and her family have been dealing with this for over a year, and they still have at least another year of treatment. It's painful enough watching your mom suffer with this; I can't even begin to imagine the agony of watching your child go through this. Not just that, but Anya has a little sister and brother who also have to deal with the effects of it all. It's a lot, and if affects everyone. Let me say, though, that my friends, Anna & Israel have the same hope I have and stand on that. No, it doesn't necessarily make things easier, but it brings us comfort when nothing else does.

Finally Room at the Inn

Okay so we are finally in an inpatient room almost 48 hours later. I took off for a few hours today to shower and nap. They don't have showers or real sleeping places (only beds for the patients) at the ER.

I was hoping for a better day, but it was just kinda there and kinda blah. Mom slept through most of it except to walk and do the breathing exercises every hour. A couple of hours ago the nausea started again, and that makes her miserable because it just lingers. It's also a discouraging thing for her. Coupled with feeling yuck, it's a bit of a downer. She's tolerated ice chips okay, and she also had a little jello, but then the nausea.

Hoping for a better Sunday...

These Chairs Aren't Made for Sleeping

We are still in the ER room waiting for a permanent 'home.' I refuse to focus on the negative, though, because that gets depressing really quickly.

My mom has actually had a little bowel progress, so that's good. That's really good news. She's tolerating the ice chips well, so maybe we'll do the clear liquids tomorrow.

Okay, and these chairs they have in the ER rooms are so not for sleeping. The regular inpatient rooms have the same chairs, but they also have these big recliner looking things that turn into beds. They're not bad at all. Well, they really need to invest into bringing some of those chairs into these rooms because the current chairs are pretty dumb. And they need WD40. If I move too much, my mom wakes up from the squeaking, so I try my hardest to sit here as still as possible. Oh but no more negative. Okay, so at least there are chairs to sit in, right? At least they let me stay here with her 24/7 because we'd both be a mess if I couldn't. And I'm finding ways to get up and move around in the chair without "Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!"

Oh, and some of these ER rooms are custom fit with these toilets that fit under the sink. You just open the cabinet under the sink, and the toilet pulls out. It's stainless stuff, and they keep it immaculate, so it's not like this dirty feeling place. The TP is on the other cabinet door. And the flushing mechanism - it's all a pretty cool set up. It definitely beats the bedside commode things. Way cleaner. Hey, just finding the positives. ??

Starting Over

The vomiting has been under control now since...the middle of the night sometime. They're going to start fresh with Mom only eating ice chips and maybe small sips of water. We'll progress slowly.

We got here over 15 hours ago and are still at the ER waiting for a room to open.

Yesterday we learned that since January of this year, MD has acquired approximately 30,000 new patients.

ER's and Job

So guess where we are...the ER. Unbelievable! My mom just can't catch a break, and I just feel so so sad for her sometimes.

Yesterday (Thurs) morning she woke up with more pain than on Wednesday, and I could tell she just wasn't feel as well as the day prior. Her surgeon's fellow, Dr. Smith, who was beginning a habit of coming by at 6 a.m. to check on her, thought she'd be well enough to go home so began writing the process. She had a little bit of breakfast, but had to stop because of nausea. Then she had a crazy pain incident where for like 20 minutes she was in some pretty good pain. They gave her some stuff...but by that time, the pain was already dying down. I told them I wouldn't take her home like that. The day got better, but I could tell she wasn't feeling as well.

Mom ate only some broth for lunch and walked a couple of times. Dr. Skibber came at a point during which she was feeling okay, and so he gave the orders to release her once the pain management people had worked with her. That took place, and we started heading home at approx 7:57 on Thursday night. Mom slept most of the way, and then it happened...

...we were probably 20 or 30 minutes from her house (I was driving pretty slowly) when she woke up very suddenly and told me she was going to vomit. I pulled over, and that she did. We turned right back around to make it to the ER around 10. They didn't get her in a room until 1:30 this morning.

The first doctor thought she might have some obstruction so he ordered X-rays. Nothing. He called one of the surgeons in, and she basically said that this was somewhat 'normal' for some people after this type of surgery. Her large bowels haven't had to work since May, and they haven't really woken up. Initially they were going to do a CT scan to see if there was in fact obstruction, but she said that if there was, they wouldn't change the course of action.

So Mom is being admitted one more time. They'll keep the fluids going so that she only drinks for taste at the beginning. She'll have to really walk, walk, walk because that's what will help her intestines wake up...that and slower progression into the whole eating thing.

Things have settled now, but let me tell you how angry, upset, hurt, sad, and crazy this all made me when it was happening. Vomiting while you have stomach incisions is NOT fun. I absolutely hate that this is yet one more thing my mom has to endure. It's like it never stops.

So for those of you who read and believe the Bible - I was thinking earlier - do you remember in the book of Job when God was having conversations with satan (lower-case s emphasized)? He was like, "Here's my man, Job...there is no one on earth like him...he fears the Lord..." Satan comes back and says to him basically that the only reason Job is so upright is because God has blessed him so much. However, if He were to strike everything he had, Job would surely curse God. So God allowed Satan to touch everything that Job had. Everything, including his children.

Job still didn't curse God. Satan came back and told God this time that if He struck Job's flesh and bones, he (Job), would certainly curse God. You know the rest.

Do you ever wonder if God still has conversations with satan? Why not? During the past couple of years, and especially this one, I not only wonder, but I almost certainly have to believe that God is having conversations with satan about some of us. The same kind of Job conversations.

I think I may have failed the test, but like Job, I find in my mom someone who (as God said of Job) hasn't cursed God and who has kept her integrity. I haven't had to endure much of anything, and I've pretty much cursed everything that exists. I can't imagine what shape I would be in if I had to endure even just a bit of what my mom has seen the past year. It's just unbelievable. It's like God has been saying to satan, "...she is in your hands...but spare her life." That's what he said to him about Job. He put Job in satan's hands (*jaw drops*). Theologically, I don't even know if any of this...works out, but if he conversed with satan back then, why wouldn't he now? I'm just saying. Whether or not it theologically works out, it's my story and my blog.

Here's some more confession for ya - sometimes I feel like Job's wife who said to Job, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" I really hate watching this process take place with my mom. All the little things and then the big things - they add up, and they make me want to say that sometimes.

What I'm trying to remember is not to believe lies. And what I'm trying to remember is that I'm a believer that there is this God somewhere who loves my mom beyond anything I can imagine. It's beyond a parent's love for his child. It's beyond everything. Yuck junk things happen in this sinful world of ours, and we'll never, on this side of heaven, understand it all. Don't try to explain it to me because I've reasoned with everything and everyone. We'll never on this side understand it. What I am choosing to stand on is my faith. It's all I have left. Faith in this God, who in my belief, is watching out for each of us. You may be someone who doesn't believe that, and that's fine. I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sadness that you don't have that hope that I have. Without it, I would be in terrible, terrible shape. Some can live that way, but I know I can't. I wouldn't make it without the comfort of believing that there is a God who truly cares.

God is a Socialist

So what do YOU think about 'spreading the wealth?'

Yes, I'm opening up the can of worms and am prepared for the emails as I did with this blog about using the term Christian as an adjective...or a noun. Oh, and by the way, I had a friend ask me some questions about it and thought you might want to have part of my answer.
Question: "Susy, I agree with much of what you are saying but have a couple questions - if we aren't supposed to label ourselves as "Christians" what should we be called? And then what do we do when that label becomes tarnished by those who aren't truly serving Christ? And what are we supposed to call music that has as its primary goal glorifying God through worship with music? "


My partial (but still really long) answer: "...know that is my very personal opinion...all of it. It's not that I deny the term 'Christian;' I just don't like the box that comes with it all the time. I also don't like the expectations that come with it. We, as humans, have expectations out of everyone for just about everything (okay, and when I say 'we,' I mean Susy Poffinbarger herself). "Christian" is no different. If someone labels themselves as that, I automatically expect certain things. Should I? In my opinion, no...but I do it anyway. The thing is that we will never please everyone, and we're foolish to even try. We are to live to please One and love all. Sure, there are certain expectations that may be natural and manageable, but overall, my 'agenda' should be to love all. No excuses. No exceptions. No explanations. That's pretty much where I fail...a lot.

I do believe that we can 'redeem' the term in the sense that those of us who really mean it can live it and change the negative connotation or stereotype that may come with it. I'm not ashamed to call myself a "Christian." What I am is saddened by how I've not loved the way Christ would...and I've done it in HIS name. I don't know if that makes sense. In the past I've manipulated His Word and have hurt others with it. I didn't act like a Christian, and what's worse is that I even used His name to justify it.

So what should we be called or call ourselves? Whatever we want. I don't not use that term, if that makes sense (in other words, I do use it). The topic just came up when I was having a conversation with a young person of a particular religious denomination. He asked me what I was, and I simply stated what I believe and why. It took less than 20 seconds, and he afterwards told me that if I had started with the verbiage, "I'm a Chrisitan," he totally would've ignored anything else I had to say. Why? He had good reasons...and it all saddened me that he had been so hurt by...people like me. People like me because of my often-times ridiculous behavior. Does he have issues to deal with? Certianly. However, knowing his history and the situation and circumstances, approaching it in a different way really helped each of us understand the other.

When that label becomes tarnished by others all we can do is live the way we know to live and allow God to do the rest. It doesn't mean I should quit using the "C" word. Not at all. In fact, if I'm living to love Him and others, sometimes I should use it the more because, like I stated earlier, it can break the negative stereotype that may be there. BUT I shouldn't have to shout it out to the world if I'm living it because my life should speak for itself.

okay, I don't even know if I'm making sense...

Music - let's call it whatever we want - Christian, worship, hippie...whatever. It's music. I guess my point was that just because it wasn't labeled by some people as "Christian," it doesn't mean it can't worship God or reach other people.

A couple of years ago I was going through a really weird time, and I couldn't put my thoughts out there. I was in a friend's car when I heard a song that took what I'd wanted to say and put it out there in words - something I hadn't been able to do. It was my cry to God. Little did I know that it was by a 'secular' artist. I researched it and found that it was a little bit of a cry to God but not about what I thought at all. Either way, I realized this song was my worship... Whatever the purpose of the writing of the song, it could be used to worship Him, and THAT'S what mattered.

So what should we call that music? Whatever."

They Deserve Cookies

So Mom has walked quite a number of times today. Around 6:30 this evening she also had her first solid meal. It wasn't a steak or anything like that, but so far so good. No nausea, no vomiting. Good stuff. Not just that, but she's moving around really, really well. I'm thankful.

Our experience at MD Anderson has been a very positive one, and I attribute that to the staff. I've said it before, they have been wonderful (all except for the crazies on the 4th floor). Tonight one of her nurses from her last surgery came in because she saw her name on something and just wanted to see how she was doing. This is a nurse that Mom and I talk about often because she was so great. She came and gave my mom this big hug and seemed so genuinely happy to see her and to see her doing so well. How nice is that?! Oh, and yesterday while she was still in the recovery area, the nurse that attended her in the ICU during her last surgery came to check on her. He, too, was one of our favorites. It takes a gifted, yes, gifted man to care for patients the way a woman would. Women are naturally nurturing so we sometimes wonder how it'll be with the males. No complaints. Some are more nurturing than others, but they've all been great.

Okay so the one thing that's a lil concerning to me right now is my mom's incision site area thing. I call it that because it's not really a cut, but it's where ...they put her back together. Anyway, they didn't staple it because it's what they consider a contaminated area (it's where the ileostomy was draining). They only sowed it shut with what looks like just 2 really big stitches. It's more swollen now than it was yesterday, and the nurses have said it's fine. Mom's temperature is just steadily climbing, and so of course, I wonder if something is developing there. They don't consider anything a fever until it hits like 101, and she's only at 99.4. When we were here during the other hospitalizations, low-grade fevers didn't concern me. Today, this paranoid daughter just wonders...and prays. Yes, sometimes these temps are because the body is going through abnormal trauma, etc. I know. I just wonder. Yes, they're keeping an eye on it...

...as they do all other things. Again, I'm thankful for the great care my mom has received here. I've heard and seen terrible things from other places, and I'm just glad that with all the setbacks we've seen, that my mom's doctors and nurses have been so understanding, attentive, and just plain nice.

Walking

So it's a bit past a 11 a.m., and already Mom has been walking twice! Since she's tolerating the clear liquids well, she has been bumped up to an all liquid diet. The surgeon's fellow came just before 6 this morning to remove the dressing and let Mom know that she could go home as early as tomorrow.

Snap

We're not settled in my mom's room, and she's already been up walking...well, to the facilities, but it's walking nonetheless. We finally got to see her for the first time after her surgery around 6 this evening. After everyone took their turn, I stayed with her from 7-8, when they transferred her to a room. Seeing her was completely different from her last surgery. She didn't have all those tubes coming out of her body, and she was pretty much awake. Sure, she was still sleepy from the anesthesia, but she was fully aware of everything taking place. Uber cool.

They've given her ice chips, which she is tolerating well, and tomorrow she will be on a liquid diet. As long as she tolerates that without nausea or vomiting, they'll move her onto solids, and that's when we'll see how her intestines like that idea. As I wrote to someone earlier, the doctor gave us the good, the bad, and the ugly; we're taking it one step at a time. It's hard to know what to expect because everyone is different. God says to pray and ask Him for what we wish...according to His will...I don't know that I'll EVER understand how that works completely, but I think I'll just ask Him to help us deal with whatever comes our way for now. I don't know of other specifics. I'm sure by the time my mom is eating I will.

Oh, here's a cool thing - last time they had big time issues dealing with my mom's pain. Not so this time. Of course, this surgery isn't as drastic, but either way, her pain is pretty well managed right now. Her lil pump is working, and they didn't need to get the acute pain management team involved. I'm just amazed that she can get up and walk so soon. That's pretty crazy.

It Is Well

Dr. Skibber, my mom's surgeon, came out about 25 minutes ago to let us know that all went well with the surgery. He was able to use the ileostomy area for incision and didn't have to make additional cuts. That's great news! Because this surgery isn't as drastic as the last one, I believe her pain is being well-managed seeing as the doctors haven't come out seeking consent for an epidural. Hopefully we'll get to see her in the next couple of hours and then get into a room sometime this evening.

Today's 'surgery day' experience has been different than the last - a good thing. Last time it seemed like everything that could go wrong did, and it was just a messy morning. Today has been pretty relaxing, even for my Mom. She wanted me to ask people to pray that her 'plumbing' would all work okay - that's the key to recovery right now. They say the first couple of weeks after this reversal can be quite difficult, but we're hoping for better.

The Beginning of the End?

No, I'm not speaking of the Cowboys of the Colts...although, they're pretty close to it. No, I speak of this cancer nonsense with my mom. Tomorrow morning she goes into her last surgery to reverse the ileostomy. Today the doc had to examine and do all kinds of tests - not fun. Let me just say that all forms of cancer are junk, and all the little issues that come with colon cancer are ridiculous. Really, my mom has been such a trooper through all of this, and she's the bravest person I know. The recovery time for this surgery won't be as long as the other, but there are different issues to deal with this time. It's all a bit personal to my mom and can get complicated, but it is what it is, and we're looking forward to good things. Please pray for her tomorrow.

Chill Pills

If there's anything I don't like it's wasted opportunities. I've always wanted to be sure that I learned everything I could from each and every situation. Some of that is the over-analytical part of me. This year more than ever I've consciously lived with that notion in my head - learn from this. Let me just say that the pressure is too much. Hmmm. We'll always gain from situations and circumstances, but the pressure I can often put on myself is ridiculous.

I have recently learned a few things...

In the past I was known as the crazy, OCD type A. I was a multi-tasking workaholic who thrived on stress. Bring it on. Looking back I think I felt I had something to prove. People to please. (Insecurity.) I was impatient and expected perfection out of everyone including myself. I had to prove that I could do it all and do it all well. A very close friend once confronted me with, "Who are you trying to prove it to and why?"

Recently I realized that situations which normally would've driven me wild and crazy aren't a big deal anymore. I still freak out with stuff but not the way I used to because...well, because there are more important things in life to drive us crazy. I'm still time-conscious, but I won't be a jerk to you for a week just for getting here 3 minutes too late. I'll only be a jerk to you for a minute or two. :) I'll get over it.

I also don't expect perfection out of you or me. What is perfection anyway and who can achieve it? None of us. It's been done and can't be repeated. For the most part, I've dropped most expectations from both of us, and it's been incredibly freeing. Who are we to unrealistically expect so much out of each other? We end up disappointed, disillusioned and usually hurt.

The solution: Love. Love is all. All is love (I would've made a great hippie). No, but really, we would all be much happier if we lived that concept - love all. No restrictions, no reservations, no requirements.

I have a long way to go. I know that; but it's nice to look back and see that somewhere along the way someone gave me a pill that worked.

Just a thougth...

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? I should run next time.

Greenville, Broken Phones. Ridiculous Politics.

So I'm writing from Greenville, Texas, where my mom is now residing. It all happened very quickly. Upon my return from Italy, she said her job might be relocating...and within a week and a half or so we were here. Crazyness. We've been staying in a hotel for almost 2, but just yesterday my mom found an apartment she liked, and we're moving into it today. More crazyness. So far she's been doing extraordinarily well. Sure, she has her days...stuff happens, her body aches, etc., but for the most part she's feeling and looking really well. Thank God. We will travel down to Houston on the 17th for her last surgery, which will take place on Oct 21. This will be to reverse the ileostomy, and then we're home free.

After having been dropped about 618 times, my phone finally gave up. It has been on its last leg for a while, but I didn't want to part with it. Who wants to shell out $$ for a new phone? And I had grown accustomed to its weirdness..ess. Well, last week it gave out in a 1/2 inch flood in one of my bags...or something like that. How an open water bottle ended up in there anyway is still a mystery. It's been ages since I've picked out a phone, and I didn't want to do it without the hubby because although I'd like to consider myself technically literate, I could make some pretty poor choices when it comes to stuff. I want to wait until he's around. In the meantime, I have a lil' $20 phone from Wal-Mart. It serves its purpose. So then the question is, do I REALLY need a high-tech phone with all the gadgets. Hmmm...do I really need any of the frivolous stuff? Sometimes I think and say, "I could never justify spending such-and-such money on _____." Yet I know must waste so much on nonsense that really isn't necessary. Moving on...

So how about the election? And how about Wall Street? Awesome, huh? This year it's been somewhat difficult for me to educate myself on anything political, but I've tried here and there. The thing is I'm just so tired of how political politics is. You know, it's all just a game, and those in Washington are just pawns moved around by lobbyists and everyone else. So I'm pessimistic today. Whatever. The debates - they're just a show. The last one was pretty much boring to me, with only a real couple of questions asked at the end. It was about the same ol' stuff, and yes, it's important, but for real, wasn't that forum supposed to be at least a little different? I'd heard all that stuff before. I only continued to watch to see if it would somehow turn. It didn't.

Someone asked me in Italy what my opinion was about Sarah Palin. At that point, I knew little about her. I just knew she was a conservative pro-lifer from Alaska who knew a bit about energy. I couldn't really say what I thought about her until I knew more about her stand on issues, but here's MY issue - is this just a political move? In my opinion, yes. But it's perfectly fine because that's what it's about...right? Out of anyone that John McCain could've chosen, is she the most qualified? I honestly don't know. There are others out there that would seem to have more experience and the more likely choice, right? ??? You decide.

I don't typically talk politics with people because it can become quite annoying...depending on who it is, much less would I blog politics when 1) I am less informed right now than I would like to be, and 2) don't like to open up the can of worms when I can't speak to someone face to face about it. Just because I don't talk politics, though, doesn't mean I don't believe very strongly in politics...most of the time.

Okay and how about the $700 billion? Wow. So you know when they were voting on the proposition the first time (I think it was the first), and our oh-so-lovely Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, was firing off her mouth about NOTHING? The market had been up and down all day. It was fluctuating. She opened her mouth, and from there it was ALL down hill. Thanks for bringing our reps together on this one, Nancy. I really am not a fan of politicians - Republican or Democrat - blabbing aimlessly. Anyway, it's funny how they all wanted to blame everyone else. Hey, we are after all Americans - we think we deserve this and that, and when it doesn't work out because we can't afford it, we get a free get out of jail card. The blame can go all over - greedy CEO's, the gov, our parents...anybody. But maybe today I should ask myself if I'm being responsible with what I've been given. Maybe.

Italy. Ike.

Since my last blog, life has been pretty crazy.

Mom - she was released from the hospital the following day, September 2. All of the heart tests came back fine, and they believed the reactions were a result of the stress her body was experiencing. She's finished with the chemo and is getting prepared for her last surgery, which was just scheduled for October 21. This will be to reverse the ileostomy. Needless to say, she's pretty excited about that.

My granny came to stay with my mom on Sep 3, while I headed to Lake Jackson 1) to chop of the hair to donate it and 2) to help with Allison and Jacob, my niece and nephew, while my SIL had surgery. So that Thurs, Fri and Sat was filled with getting the kiddos to school, hospital visits, school projects, etc. I left on Sat afternoon to pack up my stuff for my trip to ITALY...

I'm not talking Italy, Texas. That amazing husband I have decided I was due for a trip and sent me (with a friend) to Italy...for which I left on Sunday, Sep 7. I actually met her in Georgia that day, and we left the following afternoon for a 9.5 day trek through Milan, Venice, Florence, Cinque Terre, and Rome. I'll post pictures soon. It was the BEST thing ever at the BEST time ever. Thought it wasn't a sit-by-the-beach-and-relax kind of trip, it was completely refreshing.

I missed the whole Ike thing. My family is fine, though. They all evacuated and went to Dallas and New Braunfels. THANK YOU all for your concern. I'm so sorry I didn't get back with you, but I was in the middle of Venice and Florence...and it's not always easy to respond to texts or emails while traveling abroad. Anyway, I've only seen a bit of the aftermath...it's quite messy. Apparently Ike was 1 MPH short of being a category 3 when it landed, but it did quite the damage to Galveston and even our beach, Surfside...even though Surfside is west of Galveston and didn't get the brunt of it all.

Okay, so that's a basic nutshell of the past couple of weeks. More to come soon.

Still Here

Happy Labor Day.

We're still at the hospital, hoping my mom is released tomorrow after they complete a final heart test. Little by little she's been able to eat more every day. The key word there being LITTLE. Her nausea has been better managed, and her chest pressure has stopped. Her blood pressure is still bouncing all over the place and gets a bit high in the evenings, but we're hoping maybe the test tomorrow will reveal why. I don't really want it to reveal heart damage or anything, but I would like to know why the spikes in the blood pressure.

Other than that, things are okay here.

We've been keeping up with the democratic convention, the republican vp nomination and of course, Gustav. All very interesting. I don't typically comment on my political opinions, but let me just say that I was somewhat taken back by the VP nomination. Whether I think it's a positive or negative thing for the Republican party, I was a bit surprised.

Out of My Hands

It's been a frustrating day for me. Yes another. At this point I'm just fed up with all the drugs my mom is on. Her body needs to detox more than anything, but because her blood pressure is out of whack as well as the nausea, they just keep feeding her the drugs. Ugh. It's no wonder she can't get well and her body is just a mess. How is her frail, little frame supposed to metabolize all the poisons they're feeding her?

I appreciate all of the suggestions, recommendations, etc., but it's really out of our hands. I think once she's finally stable, we'll be able to do all of those things at home, but in the meantime really what I have to do is trust that God will do a miracle. I think that's what we need. We need Him to just get her over this thing so that she can begin the detox. So pray that God would do just that - a miracle.

As Time Goes By

Not such a bad day today was. Definitely better than yesterday, but we continue to look forward to better days.

Mom woke up with no nausea so she was able to eat the equivalent of about one egg and a piece of toast. She was also able to get up to shower. Of course, that wore her out, and she went down for a nap. Upon waking the nausea had returned and remained until earlier this evening. She's been taking in liquids pretty well, just not enough yet.

The good news is that the results from the CT scan and EKGs all came back fine. In fact, the blood clots Mom developed about a month ago that traveled from her arm into her lungs have all dissolved. VERY COOL!

Now we just patiently wait for Mom to get better and better, little by little. I get a little eager beaver in me and automatically think we'll have 100% progress in one day when we rise to a good start. It wasn't that way, and that was disappointing to me. What can I say? I'm a girl of high expectations and somewhat a microwave at that. I do, however, realize that this will take a little time and a little effort. I still stand on the fact that my mom is in God's hands. His hand is not removed from the situation, and I take comfort in that.

The Heart

Today, like many days, has been an emotional day. It's hard to remember what happened when, but the day included (and all as it relates to my mom):
HBP
Nausea
Vomiting
Chest pressure
Leg jerking/spasms
A harsh scare of high heart rate that made about 6 nurses all come in here and yell this and that to each other with bring this and that and page doctor and do this. That was actually a very uncomfortable moment. It also really upset Mom. It started with vomiting, then the high heart rate from the vomiting and along with it some high blood pressure. She's just really, REALLY tired of dealing with the nonsense that comes with cancer and the treatments. Who can blame her? She's had more to deal with than most of us can begin to imagine.

After that I just read some Scripture to her for a while until she fell asleep. Her oncologist came by to let us know they were taking a closer look at her heart because of the chest pressure. It could be one of the side effects from that particular type of chemo. It's too long of an explanation to go into, but yes, it can cause a heart spasm type of thing. That would cause the pressure she was feeling. They did a CT scan this evening to see what else they could find with her heart. Of course, they want to rule out heart damage, etc. If there was any kind of plaque in those arteries, they'll be able to tell as well.

I was thinking earlier...a long train of thought that it's too late for me to go into right now, but I was thinking...good will come of this. We may never know what it is, but what if it had something to do with finding heart plaque? Maybe they'll find it; maybe they won't. But if they did, it could be a great way to foresee something to be able to prevent it later. God willing, they won't find anything, but ...

So this evening Mom was actually feeling better, and I could so tell. No, she's nowhere near to what she was last Friday before the chemo started, but I'll take any victory. There are lots of small victories that I don't want to forget, and I'm trying to keep track. This is one. It's no small one to me. To have the 5 minute conversation we were able to have tonight because she felt that much better brought me some pretty good almond joy. She even wanted to make a phone call. AND she smiled a very real and hopeful smile. Nice. Very nice.

How to pray:
-that there would be no heart damage or abnormal scan results
-appetite. Now that the nausea seems to be under control, my mom really needs to eat, eat, eat to get her strength back.
-nausea. before she can eat, the nausea has to be kept under control.
-regulated blood pressure and heart rate
-infection-less stay at the hospital
-uh, and this is more of an overall request - pray that this Gustav tropical-storm-turning-into-hurricane would uh...steer clear at least for a while.

High BP

Mom's HBP was another side effect from the 'crazy' pill.

She still sleeps.

More

I forgot to mention that Mom's BP also spiked yesterday. She normally runs in the 90something/60something range. Yesterday it went up to 210/...I forgot, but it was crazy.

Another thing I forgot to mention is that the test for her heart enzymes is all fine now. Another reason for the ER visit was chest pain. The first test they did was fine, the second was very abnormal with the numbers going far above what they liked but not enough yet to consider it heart damage. The third test showed that the numbers are back to normal. They said this was probably a side effect from the chemo.

More Chemo and More ER Visits

Sunday night we had to bring Mom to the ER at MD Anderson because she was vomiting so much (from the chemo). It's very easy for her to get dehydrated with the ileostomy so we didn't want to take any chances and came right away. We got here around 8:30 or 9 on Sunday evening.

They tried 2 different nausea medicines that typically work for her, but since neither was working, they went to a third one. That was bad news. She ended up having a reaction that only 0.1 or 1% of people get. There's a name for what her reaction was, but I can't remember. It happened very quickly, and she wasn't herself. First she couldn't stay still. Then her body started shaking as if she was having chills, but I knew that wasn't it because the shakes turned into spasms. Her heart rate increased, her muscles were really stiff and then she started acting confused. Pretty soon she just wasn't herself. Let me just say that it was a pretty intense couple of hours for me. I was trying to figure out what was going on along with the doctors...and it just wasn't the most pleasant time in the world.

When they finally figured out what had happened, they gave her something to counteract it. After a bit, she started sleeping and slept very soundly. She's still sleeping soundly. She's woken up only to use the facilities. I'm also trying to wake her up to drink something every 15 or 20 minutes and to try to eat a bite of breakfast. That's one of my main concerns right now - her weight. From the vomiting and not having really eaten in a couple of days, she's down to 87 lbs. I'm wondering if they'll put her on TPN for a few days...I'm not really sure what they'll do.

That's where we are - waiting on the doctors to come in.

Mom is still kinda out of it. Whatever they gave her yesterday to counteract the 'crazy' pill is working well, too well maybe. I don't know.

Please pray that they'll have wisdom as to what steps to take next.

Attack of the Crazy Ants

My drama today - killer ants. So this morning when my mom & I opened the doors to her car to drive to her office, the crazy ants were EVERYWHERE - inside and outside the car. I haven't mentioned these crazy ants, but they really are crazy. They're these little ants that look like fire ants (but aren't), and they run around like little crazies. Seriously. So we went to the car wash, washed and vacuumed the car, and after sweating profusely, went back to her house to get cleaned up and get the rest of our stuff. By the time we got back outside and opened the car doors again, the ants were back at it again, and this time they were even worse. So I haven't really researched them, but I did find this article on them. Apparently they're taking over the Houston area. Awesome. Oh, at the end of the article, a couple of people comment on it, and one says this, "I can't believe 'Ants' are the headline story for the 4th largest city in the country. Must be a slow news day." This ignorant person has no idea. None.

My issue today - cowards. So really, if you have an issue with me, just tell me straight to my face. Telling other people about it and having them tell me is a pretty cowardly way to deal with it. I now see that Jesus was onto something when He talked about how to deal with confrontation. He doesn't want us to grow up to be complete cowards. :) Okay, and this actually had nothing to do with me, but for others' sakes, I just threw that out there.

My sadness - two days ago an accomplished jazz musician who is dear to my heart passed unexpectedly. We will miss you and what you brought to us. You make me want to "stay...for a while."

Pretty Much

I heard someone say once that there is no such thing as “Christian’ music. She was substituting for a regular teacher at the Bible institute I attended, and this statement went against the grain and culture of the school. I remember completely agreeing with her.

I repeated that statement to a friend a couple of years later. At first I just said it. He didn’t agree. Then I told him who said that, and he said he would think about it.

I don’t necessarily like labeling things as ‘Christian’ because to me it can be a dangerous practice.

I’ll be point blank.

I don’t like labeling myself as a ‘Christian’ necessarily because there are people who have been terribly hurt physically, emotionally, and in every way known to us by other people who called themselves Christians (this could very well lead into yet another discussion about how Christians are people too and make mistakes and won’t be perfect, yada, yada. I know that. I do understand that). Here’s the thing – that word means different things to different people.

I know a family who call themselves Christians yet choose to ignore one of their children while doting on the others (what I mean by ignore is that the ignored child they only see once maybe twice a year because the parents don’t want to deal with the issue at hand). So to this child, the term ‘Christian’ paints a bad picture. A picture of abandonment, rejection, guilt, and all kinds of stuff.

A little bow that is beaten up by his father or was yelled at (like Simon Birch) by a Sunday school teacher, both of whom considered themselves Christians, could have a very bad a opinion of anyone who calls himself a Christian.

People can make ‘Christian’ movies that can be terrible because the production and whatever else wasn’t done well. The same is true of music and pretty much everything else.

I’m not just aa Christian wife. My friends aren’t just Christian mothers, singers, or writers, friends. I’m a wife, a daughter, a sister. They are mothers, bosses, teachers, actors, UPS drivers, and everything else. They are my family, and they are my friends. We live passionately to love. Some of us know God and love Him. Others don’t.

Let me tell you this – I’ve had many spiritual experiences outside of church, ‘Christian’ music, Christian school and even outside of ‘Christian’ people. I’ve had spiritual, God-experiences at what the ‘church’ (and church is yet for one more blog) would call ‘secular’ concerts.

Church people say all the time, “…if God can use a donkey, He can use anyone.” I don’t think many people really believe that because God-forbid transformation taking place in my heart when in conversation ‘non-believers.’ God forbid I find worship in Him when listening to a song by someone not proclaiming to be the “C” word. That’s devil music! (*Susy rolls eyes*)

Rob Bell says this, “A Christian political group puts me in an awkward position: What if I disagree with them? Am I less of a Christian? What if I am convinced the ‘Christian’ thing to do is to vote the exact opposite?” I agree with him there. Awkward position.

Someone I dearly love often will say to me, “I want to do something spiritual, something for God, ministry.” What he doesn’t realize is that he does it every single day. He takes care of the family God has given Him. He goes to work to provide for them and spends time with them. He loves and serves them. Serving. That’s pretty much as spiritual as it can get. His job as a father isn’t secular; it’s sacred.

God is omniscient. God is everywhere. He’s in the slums. He’s in my home. To say that He’s not at a place outside of anyone’s man-made box is denying He can bring order to whatever or wherever chaos may be. He’s there; people just may not see Him. It’s up to me to make Him seen and known. It’s up to us to point Him out where He can’t be seen.

(Note: this is not to say that things can’t be corrupted and used for not-good purposes.)

An author pointed out this concept in one of his books by saying that when it comes to missions, we’ve sometimes got it wrong. We say things like, “We’re taking Jesus to Timbuktu…” Jesus is already there.

God is the creator of all and even said that He’d reveal Himself somehow to everyone. People have come to know Him by observing the magnificence of his indescribable creation. They may never have heard of His name in the depths of nowhere, Timbuktu, but that doesn’t negate the fact that they can come to believe in Him through His creation. (I know, I know. I’m gonna get all kinds of emails about blah, blah blah. And that I’m becoming new-age or hippie or something.)

Back to my point. I think the issue lies in our boxes. I do it all the time – I try to place God in this box and allow Him to operate only within it. Anything outside of that is ‘secular,’ not of Him. (I say ‘try to’ because really He just doesn’t fit in it.)

But I don’t believe that’s right. For years I’ve been trying to learn from the example of my husband not to place God in my box. The more I let God out of my box, the freer (more free) I am to be and do what I’m created to be and do. It’s funny – I let Him out of the box, but I’m the one who’s free. Is that what they would say is ironic?

FUNK

Things very often smell funky to me. My mom says that when I was a little girl, I would walk around with my nose scrunched up, and if something bothered my sense of smell, I would freak. That was my heightened sense. I still get grossed out by rank smells, but I’ve ignored one for too long – my own smell.

It’s not because I use the natural crystal deodorant. I’m talking about me – the stench of sin that runs rampant within me.

Sometimes it takes a funk time for me to come back to the real reality. Sometimes I have to get away because there are way too many distractions that pull my attention away from where it should be.

The idea of cool is disgusting to me. I hate it just as much as I hate cancer. And I hate it even more because it leeches on to insecure people like me because I’m sure I have 972 undealt-with issues.

I hate that within the American culture there’s this thing about being cool or being uncool. You either have it or you don’t. We can try to pretend and say that it’s not within the ‘Christian’ circles, but we’d all be big fat liars. It’s there, and it’s disgusting. It’s everywhere. I get caught up in the hype too, and when I pull myself away and evaluate my own behavior, I get sick. It smells.

I remember moving back and forth from one place to the other when I was younger and particularly in middle school. In 7th grade I finally got fed up with eating with the nerds, so I changed everything about myself that I could and tip-toed my way in with the cool crowd. Pretty soon I made the cheer squad in one school (but not even into the squad another because I was knew and everything was based on popularity), I was elected to be the captain. I was now ‘in.’ What a joke.

My glory days ended there when we moved away. I ‘found’ Jesus in the new place and thought things would be different with that crowd. I mean those were the people that never gossiped and accepted everyone for who they were, right? It appeared that way at first, but I soon learned differently. Things weren’t very different at all. I didn’t know the ‘Christian’ lingo, and that made me very uncool. I didn’t know the cool ‘Christian’ bands (and when I learned them, I didn’t care for many of them), and that made me really uncool. I couldn’t afford to wear the fashionable clothes, and that made me uber uncool.

I laugh now. I bring all of that up not because I hang on to it in a bitter kind of way. I hang on to it so that I won’t do that to people. I should be way too old to even care about that stuff, but you know what? When I look around and think about college or even post-college experiences, I’ve been that person. I have at times been too cool to hang out with such and such. That’s pretty sad. It’s selfish, prideful, immature, and all those other dirty things.

I may not have always done it directly, but I didn’t stop it when I saw it happening and had the power to say something.

Spending money for pointless social reasons and on fashion is the most uncool thing ever. It’s selfish and wrong and shows where our beliefs are. What I mean is that if we believe that we are supposed to give back and change the world somehow, we would do something about it. Talking about it does nothing.

I knew a dude that believed what Jesus taught about the poor and the hungry. He used to feed the homeless and would hang out with them. I talked about it and even offered to help, but how many times was I out there? Yeah.

I was too busy trying to move up the corporate ladder for what? Money, prestige. What? I didn’t believe all of Jesus teachings because if I did, I don’t think I would’ve been able to spend as much as I did on a pair of heels, a pair of jeans, or as much time doing pointless things.

A friend of mine recently said that we should do away with the Olympics just once. The billions of dollars could be used to end starvation in at least 5 cities right? Something like that. I love the Olympics. Unfortunately, I recently read an article about how up to 80% of Olympic runners dope (not to mention every other sport). I was completely disappointed with the figures…but that’s for another blog. In spite of that, I still love the Olympics and don’t believe we should punish the crazy efforts athletes put into the endless training (even if some or most are doping). I’m sure we could cut away some of the $$, but don’t cancel the games altogether. Many of the athletes do quite a bit for humanitarian causes.

My friend has a great point, though. What I do believe we should look at is us, more specifically the American culture. How about the celebrity awards shows that spend millions on their shows and extravagant parties. Not to mention the ‘goodie purses’ they receive that are worth like $50,000+. Are you kidding me? These are the people who can afford that stuff. It’s ridiculous.

There are people who are actually doing something, and that’s God. What I mean is that we think we have to say a specific prayer to know God. I was taught that. (I was always scared on mission trips that I was going to forget one part of the prayer someone was supposed to repeat after me and that they wouldn’t really experience salvation.) Again, are you kidding me? God is not in rituals taught by man. God IS in what the Bible says is pure religion – to visit orphans and widows and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

I’m glad that there are people taking that seriously. I want to be one of them. And I’m not saying that I believe that just because someone is a do-gooder that they know God. They may, they may not. Just like you and I may or may not.

God is not in our attempts at cool music or cool fashion. God is not in our aims of cool churches with cool music, a cool youth group and cool people. Why? Because it’s not truth. All of those things are “Satan’s tools to get people to be passionate about…meaningless…things” and worthless idols (Donald Miller).

God is in feeding the hungry, taking care of the widow and the orphan…whether it is done by a ‘Christian’ or not. (The whole labeling things ‘Christian’ and why I don’t do labels is for another blog).

So why all this today?

Because I need to change. I need to get back to that place of really believing what Jesus taught.

And by the way, I consider so many things uber cool in the nerdiest way because I’m the biggest nerd ever. And I love it.

Been Up To

So my mom is at the halfway mark with her chemo. This past weekend she completed the fourth treatment. I hate cancer.

The weekend was like the other chemo weekends - Friday she was okay, she mostly slept on Saturday, she felt pretty yuck on Sunday, and Monday she felt bad. Tuesday she was better, but still not well. She insisted on going to her office anyway. She's been tired, tired, tired.

She spoke to her doctor's PA yesterday, and they may actually stop the chemo. We'll see what they have to say next week.

My niece has been with us for almost 2 weeks, so I haven't taken the time to blog or anything. This is what we've been doing...

Day one at beach


Day two (also the day after Edouard so the waves were crazy high...swimming in this is NOT something you should try at home with tha kids)


Our spot


and the castle that took FOREVER to complete