So I know I'll get emails and responses to this about me not having enough faith and blah blah blah, but can I just say that I don't want to get old and be all sick and stuff all the time?
Relief. It's out.
I've been wanting to say that, but I haven't because of the responses I know I'll get.
The thing is that I know it's not about that. I know that it's not just older people who get sick. I'm also not just speaking of my mom. I know that it's not in my hands. Sometimes it's just frustrating.
So then without even knowing what I'm thinking, my husband texts me John 9:1-4...Scripture I used to refer to often.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Update 4.27.08 - We Have A Date!
So Mom was originally supposed to meet with the surgeon tomorrow, but we met with him Friday, and he gave us a surgery date - MAY 13! Mom is nervous but way ready to move on with this, so she asked him if he could go ahead and just do it right then and there. Uh, no. He did say, however, that after she was finished with Friday night's TPN, she wouldn't need anymore since she is able to eat so well on her own now. (That's awesome news by the way)! He also ordered for the PICC line to be removed tomorrow - yay! They had thought about keeping the line in for post-surgery, but it does increase the risk of infection so we're all glad they're removing it.
As most of my blogs have been, I know this is TMI, but it's amazing news so I don't care. About a week ago, Mom had the first painless BM she's had in a LONG time. From then to now, they haven't all been painless, but at least it's not like they were even a month ago. She has also been eating complete meals. She was up to 98.8 lbs Friday (exactly 1 lb lower than her original weight...weight upon entering treatments), and tonight she was right at 99. They say that she'll lose about 10% of her body weight after surgery, so we're trying to pile on the weight right now. I'd like to take it to 110, but in 2 weeks...I don't think that's possible for my mom. Let's see if we can get it to at least 102-104. The only downside to trying to fatten her up is that it's getting to the rest of us. By the rest of us I mean me. You know what, though? I can't complain. My mom would give anything to be able to gain a good 10 lbs.
Okay, so Mom's last surgery was supposed to be this procedure that they do all the time - a complete hysterectomy. Well, it ended up going very badly, and they kinda messed up her bladder quite a bit...a lot. She had issues with that for months and months, and to this day there are things that could go wrong with it. Medical stuff seems to wreak havoc on her body because she is so small and her body kinda frail. With that history, Mom is understandably nervous about this surgery.
The surgery involves some major procedures. Yes, they'll remove about 4 inches from her colon (not much compared to how long it is). They'll then do what's called an ileostomy - uh...basically the surgeon takes a part of the small intestine outside of her skin (like where you and I can see it), and her waste goes into this pouch. Okay so many of you have probably seen this stuff, but I hadn't so I thought it was pretty crazy when I saw pictures (you should definitely Google if you haven't seen this before).
So the ileostomy is temporary as long as they're able to save her rectum (again TMI). If they are, she'll have the bag for the 6-8 weeks of recovery and also for the post-op chemo (post-op meaning post operation, not optional). The type and length of time of the chemo will depend on more pathology reports from the removed tumor. Yes, they already did biopsies, etc. Yes, MD Anderson knows what they're doing when it comes to biopsies. I was asked the other day how it was that they don't know already about the tumor. Uh, yes, the already know, and they've done the biopsies. They just have to do more to test every part of it and things that are just too difficult to explain. Blah blah. So then they'll let us know for sure exactly what kind of chemo Mom will need. She'll do that for 6 weeks to 6 months. We'll see. They want to keep the ileostomy in for that length of time, and then remove it after the chemo...another surgery.
Yes, we have more and more ahead, but we take it one day and one step at a time. Right now we're focusing on sleeping. My aunt Janet has a procedure to remove some pre-cancerous tissue from her breast tomorrow morning, and we'll be up around 4 am. (Please say a lil prayer for her. Yes, we're glad they caught this so very early, but any surgical procedure gets a bit nerve-wracking...especially when the word 'cancer' is involved...whether its pre or whatever.)
Okay, so friends, family - I can't thank you enough for your prayers for my mom. We really do appreciate you so very much. We couldn't make it without you. We need you. I need you. Thank you for your emails, text messages, voice mails, calls, everything. I know I haven't responded to much, but it's not because I don't care. Time gets to be limited, but I'm doing my best during these days in which my mom feels so much better. Again, thank you from US. I tell my mom about all of the people praying for her (some of whom I'm sure I don't even know), and she is overwhelmed with thanks. So, THANK YOU.
As most of my blogs have been, I know this is TMI, but it's amazing news so I don't care. About a week ago, Mom had the first painless BM she's had in a LONG time. From then to now, they haven't all been painless, but at least it's not like they were even a month ago. She has also been eating complete meals. She was up to 98.8 lbs Friday (exactly 1 lb lower than her original weight...weight upon entering treatments), and tonight she was right at 99. They say that she'll lose about 10% of her body weight after surgery, so we're trying to pile on the weight right now. I'd like to take it to 110, but in 2 weeks...I don't think that's possible for my mom. Let's see if we can get it to at least 102-104. The only downside to trying to fatten her up is that it's getting to the rest of us. By the rest of us I mean me. You know what, though? I can't complain. My mom would give anything to be able to gain a good 10 lbs.
Okay, so Mom's last surgery was supposed to be this procedure that they do all the time - a complete hysterectomy. Well, it ended up going very badly, and they kinda messed up her bladder quite a bit...a lot. She had issues with that for months and months, and to this day there are things that could go wrong with it. Medical stuff seems to wreak havoc on her body because she is so small and her body kinda frail. With that history, Mom is understandably nervous about this surgery.
The surgery involves some major procedures. Yes, they'll remove about 4 inches from her colon (not much compared to how long it is). They'll then do what's called an ileostomy - uh...basically the surgeon takes a part of the small intestine outside of her skin (like where you and I can see it), and her waste goes into this pouch. Okay so many of you have probably seen this stuff, but I hadn't so I thought it was pretty crazy when I saw pictures (you should definitely Google if you haven't seen this before).
So the ileostomy is temporary as long as they're able to save her rectum (again TMI). If they are, she'll have the bag for the 6-8 weeks of recovery and also for the post-op chemo (post-op meaning post operation, not optional). The type and length of time of the chemo will depend on more pathology reports from the removed tumor. Yes, they already did biopsies, etc. Yes, MD Anderson knows what they're doing when it comes to biopsies. I was asked the other day how it was that they don't know already about the tumor. Uh, yes, the already know, and they've done the biopsies. They just have to do more to test every part of it and things that are just too difficult to explain. Blah blah. So then they'll let us know for sure exactly what kind of chemo Mom will need. She'll do that for 6 weeks to 6 months. We'll see. They want to keep the ileostomy in for that length of time, and then remove it after the chemo...another surgery.
Yes, we have more and more ahead, but we take it one day and one step at a time. Right now we're focusing on sleeping. My aunt Janet has a procedure to remove some pre-cancerous tissue from her breast tomorrow morning, and we'll be up around 4 am. (Please say a lil prayer for her. Yes, we're glad they caught this so very early, but any surgical procedure gets a bit nerve-wracking...especially when the word 'cancer' is involved...whether its pre or whatever.)
Okay, so friends, family - I can't thank you enough for your prayers for my mom. We really do appreciate you so very much. We couldn't make it without you. We need you. I need you. Thank you for your emails, text messages, voice mails, calls, everything. I know I haven't responded to much, but it's not because I don't care. Time gets to be limited, but I'm doing my best during these days in which my mom feels so much better. Again, thank you from US. I tell my mom about all of the people praying for her (some of whom I'm sure I don't even know), and she is overwhelmed with thanks. So, THANK YOU.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Update 4.24.08
Wow. Well, I do apologize for my delay (once AGAIN) in responding to emails, texts, phone calls, and all other forms of communciation. I did make it to Kansas, and I did make it back...the following Monday (Apr 14) for my mom's appt.
So on to business - Mom had an appt with her oncologist yesterday, and he said things are going well. He wants to begin weaning her off of the TPN since she's eating so well on her own and gaining weight (up to 98.6 lbs).
From the time we left the doc's office yesterday to now, we've been receiving calls from his office, the pharmacist (who determines exactly what Mom's TPN requirements are), the surgeon, um...and I'm sure other medical people I can't think of at the moment. The bottom line is, they're all working together to figure out when to remove the TPN, AND (drum roll please) they say that she's pretty much ready for surgery and want to go ahead and schedule it. They've given us a tentative date, and we'll meet with the surgeon tomorrow morning so that he can see for himself how ready Mom really is. He'll let us know.
Oh, one of the calls from earlier today was to let us know that after Friday night's TPN, she no longer needs it. As for the PICC line, I'm really not sure when they'll remove it.
So...before Mom's appt, we went with my aunt (with whom we're staying at the time) to the doc, and she has DCIS, pre-cancerous tissue in her breast. She'll have surgery Monday, so pray that all goes well and that they remove every single bit of it. My aunt, Janet, may have to undergo radiation as well...but we'll see.
...and just a lil something ...Mom, Naticia (my SIL), and me a couple of weeks ago:
So on to business - Mom had an appt with her oncologist yesterday, and he said things are going well. He wants to begin weaning her off of the TPN since she's eating so well on her own and gaining weight (up to 98.6 lbs).
From the time we left the doc's office yesterday to now, we've been receiving calls from his office, the pharmacist (who determines exactly what Mom's TPN requirements are), the surgeon, um...and I'm sure other medical people I can't think of at the moment. The bottom line is, they're all working together to figure out when to remove the TPN, AND (drum roll please) they say that she's pretty much ready for surgery and want to go ahead and schedule it. They've given us a tentative date, and we'll meet with the surgeon tomorrow morning so that he can see for himself how ready Mom really is. He'll let us know.
Oh, one of the calls from earlier today was to let us know that after Friday night's TPN, she no longer needs it. As for the PICC line, I'm really not sure when they'll remove it.
So...before Mom's appt, we went with my aunt (with whom we're staying at the time) to the doc, and she has DCIS, pre-cancerous tissue in her breast. She'll have surgery Monday, so pray that all goes well and that they remove every single bit of it. My aunt, Janet, may have to undergo radiation as well...but we'll see.
...and just a lil something ...Mom, Naticia (my SIL), and me a couple of weeks ago:
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Update 4.9.08
Yesterday was a relatively good day for Mom. It was a tiring day for her, but other than that it went well. In 'went well' I'm mainly referring to her eating. She ate little bits of food throughout the day, and we were all so well pleased by how her body was responding. I think this means she's healing well on the inside, and we'll just continue this trend until we're able to wean her off of the TPN. The TPN pharmacist spoke with her yesterday and did stress going slowly so that she wouldn't take any steps back, and he also let us know that we need to keep track of all of her intake including liquids. He just needs to be able to adjust the TPN accordingly (of course, they'll also adjust it according to her weekly lab results).
Later on this morning I'll also head to Kansas for a few days to pick up some clothes and a few other things. It's a bittersweet morning because I'm so looking forward to seeing my hubby...yet...I don't like leaving Mom even for a few hours, much less several days. I know she'll be fine; I'm just used to being with her all the time.
Later on this morning I'll also head to Kansas for a few days to pick up some clothes and a few other things. It's a bittersweet morning because I'm so looking forward to seeing my hubby...yet...I don't like leaving Mom even for a few hours, much less several days. I know she'll be fine; I'm just used to being with her all the time.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Update 4.7.08
Our visits with the doctors today were very...interesting...??
Mom first had an appointment with a skin doctor. She developed several (about 5) spots on her body in mid-February. The radiation people couldn't figure out what it was. They thought it had something to do with the chemo. The chemo people thought it was some kind of fungal or bacterial thing like ringworm. During one of our trips to the emergency center, one doctor thought it was ringworm and another didn't have a clue. So they decided my mom should see the skin doctor just in case...just in case what? They were basically checking for skin cancer. Well, she is free and clear of that. The thing about 'rashes' is that there can be like a gazillion forms of them, and so the doctor was honest and told us it wasn't anything to worry about and to put such and such cream on it.
The surgeon - it seemed there was some sort of misunderstanding. See, the surgeon came in and immediately started telling us that Mom can't go into surgery in her condition, that she needed to be on her own, and he was very insistant about these things, the bottom line being that she doesn't have enough protein to heal afterwards. She would be at extreme post-operative risk for infection and all kinds of problems. We knew all of that. I was actually quite concerned that he would be soooo concerned. I mean, I thought Mom was on her way to getting stronger, etc. According to the other doctor, she was headed in the right direction. Well, then the doctor says something like, "...so, we can't go into surgery this Thursday or next Thursday, whichever one it was..." I guess at some point they had scheduled Mom to have surgery, but we had never been told about the date. See, when she was admitted to the hospital both times, her doctor kept the surgeon abreast of everything that was taking place. The surgeon was well aware of Mom's condition; they had just forgotten to remove the surgery date from her schedule. So the surgeon came in thinking that we were thinking she'd go into surgery this week or next. We weren't thinking that at all. In fact, we knew that it would still be several more weeks. All that to say that we were relieved to know that the surgeon's major concern was trying to go into surgery now. We definitely know that's not possible.
He did say this - mom needs to eat. In order for her to be surgery ready, she needs to be eating on her own and eating WELL. That doesn't mean eating good-for-you food. It means she needs to gain weight and be at a place where she's not being sustained nutritionally by the TPN. Yes, she must start slowly, but she must start now. She still has to do the soft diet thing for now, but she has to just do it. He wants her eating all day long rather than meals.
So this is how I ask that you pray:
Pain - Yes, I've said the pain is pretty much under control. What's painful for Mom now is 'passing' the food (having a BM). She can feel the food going through her intestines, and that's the painful part. So pray that they (he intestines) would heal completely, and that she wouldn't be fearful of eating because of the pain that she'll have later.
TPN - We need to wean her off of this. It'll be a slow process, but it must be done. In the meantime, we don't want her to have any kind of infection from the TPN. That's one of the main concerns when it comes to the TPN - infection. Our bodies were not meant to be fed this way, and the doctors don't like to keep patients on these longer than they have to because of the somewhat high risk of infection.
I think that's it for now. Oh, good news - Mom gained one whole pound since they weighed her at the hospital last Wednesday. Considering she had not eaten hardly anything at all since that time, it's great news. We want this to continue!
I like pictures, so I'll try to do better with posting more. I just don't feel right about taking pictures when Mom's not feeling well. I mean who wants a camera in their face when feeling awful? I have, however, been able to take a few here and there. Hope you're enjoying them.
This is Mom showing off her new haircut, color, and how she sports around her food (the nightly TPN).
This is the medical supplies we use to connect the TPN and change her dressing.
Mom first had an appointment with a skin doctor. She developed several (about 5) spots on her body in mid-February. The radiation people couldn't figure out what it was. They thought it had something to do with the chemo. The chemo people thought it was some kind of fungal or bacterial thing like ringworm. During one of our trips to the emergency center, one doctor thought it was ringworm and another didn't have a clue. So they decided my mom should see the skin doctor just in case...just in case what? They were basically checking for skin cancer. Well, she is free and clear of that. The thing about 'rashes' is that there can be like a gazillion forms of them, and so the doctor was honest and told us it wasn't anything to worry about and to put such and such cream on it.
The surgeon - it seemed there was some sort of misunderstanding. See, the surgeon came in and immediately started telling us that Mom can't go into surgery in her condition, that she needed to be on her own, and he was very insistant about these things, the bottom line being that she doesn't have enough protein to heal afterwards. She would be at extreme post-operative risk for infection and all kinds of problems. We knew all of that. I was actually quite concerned that he would be soooo concerned. I mean, I thought Mom was on her way to getting stronger, etc. According to the other doctor, she was headed in the right direction. Well, then the doctor says something like, "...so, we can't go into surgery this Thursday or next Thursday, whichever one it was..." I guess at some point they had scheduled Mom to have surgery, but we had never been told about the date. See, when she was admitted to the hospital both times, her doctor kept the surgeon abreast of everything that was taking place. The surgeon was well aware of Mom's condition; they had just forgotten to remove the surgery date from her schedule. So the surgeon came in thinking that we were thinking she'd go into surgery this week or next. We weren't thinking that at all. In fact, we knew that it would still be several more weeks. All that to say that we were relieved to know that the surgeon's major concern was trying to go into surgery now. We definitely know that's not possible.
He did say this - mom needs to eat. In order for her to be surgery ready, she needs to be eating on her own and eating WELL. That doesn't mean eating good-for-you food. It means she needs to gain weight and be at a place where she's not being sustained nutritionally by the TPN. Yes, she must start slowly, but she must start now. She still has to do the soft diet thing for now, but she has to just do it. He wants her eating all day long rather than meals.
So this is how I ask that you pray:
Pain - Yes, I've said the pain is pretty much under control. What's painful for Mom now is 'passing' the food (having a BM). She can feel the food going through her intestines, and that's the painful part. So pray that they (he intestines) would heal completely, and that she wouldn't be fearful of eating because of the pain that she'll have later.
TPN - We need to wean her off of this. It'll be a slow process, but it must be done. In the meantime, we don't want her to have any kind of infection from the TPN. That's one of the main concerns when it comes to the TPN - infection. Our bodies were not meant to be fed this way, and the doctors don't like to keep patients on these longer than they have to because of the somewhat high risk of infection.
I think that's it for now. Oh, good news - Mom gained one whole pound since they weighed her at the hospital last Wednesday. Considering she had not eaten hardly anything at all since that time, it's great news. We want this to continue!
I like pictures, so I'll try to do better with posting more. I just don't feel right about taking pictures when Mom's not feeling well. I mean who wants a camera in their face when feeling awful? I have, however, been able to take a few here and there. Hope you're enjoying them.
This is Mom showing off her new haircut, color, and how she sports around her food (the nightly TPN).
This is the medical supplies we use to connect the TPN and change her dressing.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
More Pics
This is Mom on March 14 after being hospitalized for a week. You can't tell in this picture, but from the waist down she was so swollen that she was larger than me.
This is Friday, March 21 during her 2nd hospitalization. My brother was taking Mom for a daily walk.
This is Mom with Tia Janet on March 24 just before being released (2nd hospital stay).
Mom with one of our favorite nurses, Moly (yes, only one 'L').
Tio Phillip giving my mom a pedicure.
This is Friday, March 21 during her 2nd hospitalization. My brother was taking Mom for a daily walk.
This is Mom with Tia Janet on March 24 just before being released (2nd hospital stay).
Mom with one of our favorite nurses, Moly (yes, only one 'L').
Tio Phillip giving my mom a pedicure.
Finally - Pics
Here are a few pictures that I've been meaning to post...
This is Mom on her last day of radiation (March 5) with 2 of the radiation specialists. The bell that you can hardly see is the one she got to ring to celebrate the completion. I didn't capture that moment, but at least I got this one.
This was this first time my mom got to see Tia Estrella after her stroke. The reunion.
Last day of treatment...what a journey...
This is Mom on her last day of radiation (March 5) with 2 of the radiation specialists. The bell that you can hardly see is the one she got to ring to celebrate the completion. I didn't capture that moment, but at least I got this one.
This was this first time my mom got to see Tia Estrella after her stroke. The reunion.
Last day of treatment...what a journey...
Update 4.6.08
So most of the time no news is good news. That's basically what it's been this past week...for the most part.
Mom's appointment with the doctor last Wednesday went pretty well. He said that her nutrition levels are going up, and her blood work was progressively looking better and better. He was very happy with what he was seeing. Awesome! He also said Mom could SLOWLY begin trying soft foods. She would be the only judge of what would or wouldn't work. Unfortunately, I think we were a bit aggressive with the soft foods, and we took a step back on Thursday. Because of that she didn't want to try anything Friday. Saturday (yesterday) she was completely out of energy all day long. She has been much better today. Her energy picked up, and we can tell that she definitely feels better than she did yesterday.
Mom's pain is at a minimum now ...that is until she eats. When she eats it still doesn't hurt the way it used to. Her stomach, we believe, is digesting things well because now she just hurts when she has to 'pass' the food...in other words have a BM. That is still terribly painful, and it's not the kind of pain that her pain meds will help. So, of course, this keeps her from eating. She's still receiving the TPN during the night, so we don't have to worry about her nutrition. The challenge is that she is hungry. For the first time since November or so, Mom has actually gotten her appetite back (which was actually one of our prayer requests). Well, maybe that's not what she needed so much. Sometimes it's so hard with this stuff from a day to day basis. So...she has her appetite and wants so badly to eat. At night when we lay down to sleep, her stomach will growl and growl from hunger. It's really hard when we're sitting down to eat...I hate putting food in my mouth knowing that she can't. Ugh. I wanted to go on a liquid diet with her, but for ceartain health reasons, I cannot do so at the time. I don't know if we should pray now for her appetite to leave until after her surgery...what to do...
Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon, who should be able to give us more of an idea on a date for the surgery. I don't think he'll give us an actual date. I think he has to wait for her intestines to completely heal and for her to gain weight. That could be a while. He may not, however, so I'm definitely looking forward to what he has to say.
I leave for Kansas on Wednesday and will return on Sunday or Monday. I'm mainly going to see Nathan and then to get a few of my things...if you haven't heard yet, he and I have decided to make the move. Yep, we are moving down to the Houston area. We don't know exactly where to yet, but it'll be somewhere close to Mom. I definitely couldn't be much help to her 987 thousand miles away from her, so we've decided that this is the best place for us at least for now. Kansas has been good, but I'm super excited about being close to this side of the family again. So I'll be picking up a few things this coming week. As for the rest of the move...we have no clue yet when all of that will happen, but all in its time.
Before I go, I just want to say how incredibly grateful I am. You know, things aren't easy. Life itself isn't easy, and going through this with Mom has been the hardest thing in my life as of yet. There are days that seem gloomy, dark, and downright depressing. Why depressing? To be honest, I just wonder. I wonder why. I wonder why in the world God would allow this. I know that He's so well capable of just making it all stop, much more just ease some of the 'stuff' that has come along with the complications. To be even more honest, I do my best to stay positive, but sometimes I don't do the best. Sometimes I'm pretty bad at it. Sometimes I'm really weak. So with all that said, I just want to say again that I'm grateful because in spite of the apparent 'darkness' that may be around us, there is light. There are blessings all around us, and I don't want to miss out on what I can learn in each and every situation.
I'm grateful for a husband who so selflessly is willing to pack up and move down here so that I can be close to my mom (and the rest of my family, of course, but my mom being the focus right now). I'm grateful for a husband who spent so much time with me on the phone the other night, reminding me of the light, reminding me that we live be faith and not by sight. I'm so awful - even when I remind him of his weakness(es), he doesn't even dwell on that. He reminds me that this earth is only temporary, and that what counts is the eternal. He reminds me to look up rather than down or around here on this earth.
I've always been a pretty optimistic person, but lately I don't really know what's gotten into me. The thing is that I don't want to be that person who focuses so much on the negative that she can't see the great things that are happening. I'm not that kind of person naturally, and I don't want to become that. So I leave with this - be thankful, Susy, for what you have. Things could be so much worse in so many ways. Thank Him that you are alive one more day to experience His goodness.
Mom's appointment with the doctor last Wednesday went pretty well. He said that her nutrition levels are going up, and her blood work was progressively looking better and better. He was very happy with what he was seeing. Awesome! He also said Mom could SLOWLY begin trying soft foods. She would be the only judge of what would or wouldn't work. Unfortunately, I think we were a bit aggressive with the soft foods, and we took a step back on Thursday. Because of that she didn't want to try anything Friday. Saturday (yesterday) she was completely out of energy all day long. She has been much better today. Her energy picked up, and we can tell that she definitely feels better than she did yesterday.
Mom's pain is at a minimum now ...that is until she eats. When she eats it still doesn't hurt the way it used to. Her stomach, we believe, is digesting things well because now she just hurts when she has to 'pass' the food...in other words have a BM. That is still terribly painful, and it's not the kind of pain that her pain meds will help. So, of course, this keeps her from eating. She's still receiving the TPN during the night, so we don't have to worry about her nutrition. The challenge is that she is hungry. For the first time since November or so, Mom has actually gotten her appetite back (which was actually one of our prayer requests). Well, maybe that's not what she needed so much. Sometimes it's so hard with this stuff from a day to day basis. So...she has her appetite and wants so badly to eat. At night when we lay down to sleep, her stomach will growl and growl from hunger. It's really hard when we're sitting down to eat...I hate putting food in my mouth knowing that she can't. Ugh. I wanted to go on a liquid diet with her, but for ceartain health reasons, I cannot do so at the time. I don't know if we should pray now for her appetite to leave until after her surgery...what to do...
Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon, who should be able to give us more of an idea on a date for the surgery. I don't think he'll give us an actual date. I think he has to wait for her intestines to completely heal and for her to gain weight. That could be a while. He may not, however, so I'm definitely looking forward to what he has to say.
I leave for Kansas on Wednesday and will return on Sunday or Monday. I'm mainly going to see Nathan and then to get a few of my things...if you haven't heard yet, he and I have decided to make the move. Yep, we are moving down to the Houston area. We don't know exactly where to yet, but it'll be somewhere close to Mom. I definitely couldn't be much help to her 987 thousand miles away from her, so we've decided that this is the best place for us at least for now. Kansas has been good, but I'm super excited about being close to this side of the family again. So I'll be picking up a few things this coming week. As for the rest of the move...we have no clue yet when all of that will happen, but all in its time.
Before I go, I just want to say how incredibly grateful I am. You know, things aren't easy. Life itself isn't easy, and going through this with Mom has been the hardest thing in my life as of yet. There are days that seem gloomy, dark, and downright depressing. Why depressing? To be honest, I just wonder. I wonder why. I wonder why in the world God would allow this. I know that He's so well capable of just making it all stop, much more just ease some of the 'stuff' that has come along with the complications. To be even more honest, I do my best to stay positive, but sometimes I don't do the best. Sometimes I'm pretty bad at it. Sometimes I'm really weak. So with all that said, I just want to say again that I'm grateful because in spite of the apparent 'darkness' that may be around us, there is light. There are blessings all around us, and I don't want to miss out on what I can learn in each and every situation.
I'm grateful for a husband who so selflessly is willing to pack up and move down here so that I can be close to my mom (and the rest of my family, of course, but my mom being the focus right now). I'm grateful for a husband who spent so much time with me on the phone the other night, reminding me of the light, reminding me that we live be faith and not by sight. I'm so awful - even when I remind him of his weakness(es), he doesn't even dwell on that. He reminds me that this earth is only temporary, and that what counts is the eternal. He reminds me to look up rather than down or around here on this earth.
I've always been a pretty optimistic person, but lately I don't really know what's gotten into me. The thing is that I don't want to be that person who focuses so much on the negative that she can't see the great things that are happening. I'm not that kind of person naturally, and I don't want to become that. So I leave with this - be thankful, Susy, for what you have. Things could be so much worse in so many ways. Thank Him that you are alive one more day to experience His goodness.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Update 4.1.08
So I lied when I said I would post something yesterday. Even though things have slowed down for us, it's still difficult to find the extra time and even energy to blog. I do have some pictures I want to post and will do so soon.
The past couple of days have been pretty good days here. Mom has asked for her pain medicine less and less, but she constantly thinks of and wants some solid food. We're hoping that during her doctor's visit tomorrow, he'll let her go on a few solids or at least blended food. Mom has lost more weight. Yesterday she weighed in at 89 lbs. Yikes! We are all eager for her to eat some real food to gain a little weight. The TPN isn't designed to add weight to her body, but losing it is something that is unexpected, so we'll see what the doc says tomorrow. The pharmacist in charge of Mom's TPN called today to see how things were going, and said that he'll wait to hear from the doctor about increasing the calorie count in her bag.
So back to solid food - yes, we'd like for Mom to be able to have some, but we also know that we must be very cautious about it because if the inflammation in her intestines hasn't gone down, solid food will just mean pain, pain, pain trying to go through them. She gets gas from all this stuff (I know, tmi), and even just gas is terribly painful for her.
How to pray:
-positive news from the doctor about the intestinal inflammation
-rest - Mom still gets up almost hourly, and so our rest is somewhat disturbed. I'm still having trouble going back to sleep once we're up. It seems mom still has 'weird' dreams. I can't figure out of it's the pain medicine or...what.
Thank you all for you love and prayers. You encourage me so much!
The past couple of days have been pretty good days here. Mom has asked for her pain medicine less and less, but she constantly thinks of and wants some solid food. We're hoping that during her doctor's visit tomorrow, he'll let her go on a few solids or at least blended food. Mom has lost more weight. Yesterday she weighed in at 89 lbs. Yikes! We are all eager for her to eat some real food to gain a little weight. The TPN isn't designed to add weight to her body, but losing it is something that is unexpected, so we'll see what the doc says tomorrow. The pharmacist in charge of Mom's TPN called today to see how things were going, and said that he'll wait to hear from the doctor about increasing the calorie count in her bag.
So back to solid food - yes, we'd like for Mom to be able to have some, but we also know that we must be very cautious about it because if the inflammation in her intestines hasn't gone down, solid food will just mean pain, pain, pain trying to go through them. She gets gas from all this stuff (I know, tmi), and even just gas is terribly painful for her.
How to pray:
-positive news from the doctor about the intestinal inflammation
-rest - Mom still gets up almost hourly, and so our rest is somewhat disturbed. I'm still having trouble going back to sleep once we're up. It seems mom still has 'weird' dreams. I can't figure out of it's the pain medicine or...what.
Thank you all for you love and prayers. You encourage me so much!
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