Thanksgiving

I changed my mind. Maybe it'll be a time of reflection after all. The thing with me is that it's always a time of reflecting. I'm Mrs. Analytical herself so everything requires a little reflection, a little analyzing.

Every evening, I try to have the same kind of nursing routine...meaning I put phone, internet, tv, everything aside to nurse Xander for the last time before bedtime. I can do this still because there's only him, and I'm taking full advantage of it. I take this time to 'reflect.'

Last night I really needed it. Our space issue has become an issue to me lately, and last night I let Nathan know how irritated I was with our space or lack thereof. We never planned on living in this 2-bedroom apartment long. So we never totally unpacked. We have a closet-full of boxes of books, pictures, etc. That's mainly it actually. I used to love me my books so I never got rid of them. I have lots. And pictures - well, that speaks for itself. Personal pictures, hanging pictures, pictures. Well, not long turned into a year, and with a little one, I'm feeling crammed. His stuff is all over his room. There's the crib, which is kinda used as storage half the time. Then there's the dresser/changing table. Ok. Then the rocking chair by the window...right in front of the rack that I use to dry his cloth diapers. Then there's his car seat and the swing, which he doesn't like to sit in anymore but likes to watch it swing. Then there's his hamper because it doesn't fit in our room...oh and the pail for the soiled diapers. I'm sure I'm missing a few things. Yes - the boxes for the Christmas stuff we took out. I don't know how they'll fit back into the closet once the stuff is put away.

Our bedroom is no better, but I'll spare the drama.

I was just getting annoyed with never being able to have a somewhat picked up place. I only have 1 child. Our place shouldn't feel so crammed, but it does. And last night I shared my frustration with the ever-patient Nathan. God bless him.

Then I sat down on my bed to nurse. And as I talked to my God in a way that I'm just now learning to do, I realized how selfish and spoiled I am. I have so much for which to be thankful. This has been a year of amazing blessings, the greatest of which was sitting on my lap...often peeking up at me and smiling. I have so much and yet here I was complaining about a lack of space.

There are many who don't have any space.

There are many who don't have boxes of books.

There are many who don't have beds, swings, much less toys.

An acquaintance was recently talking about what a great year it had been for her because she was now with child, had a new job, was promoted, and had so much stuff. Literal stuff. She was saying that God was good to her.

I'm sure He is and has been, and that's great.

But I guess it made me realize how often I relate God's goodness to stuff and circumstances. Really, He either is good or isn't. Many times, however, I look at life around me and wonder, "Where did I mess up?" or "Where is He?" or "Why ___?" Things and circumstances don't change the character of God. He is. And He doesn't change. And His blessings may or may not be material and may or may not be circumstantial. If that makes sense. If I get an amazing new job, God is good. But if I'm passed for someone else, He's good still. Our definition of 'good' probably isn't His. If I get an amazing new car, He is still good...and because of that, I will be okay.

In my head I've been complaining about so much when really I have it 'pretty good.' I do. A while back, I used to see life as a series of mountains and valleys. I heard someone say once that maybe it's more like a railroad track - there are 'good' things and some not-so-good things. There are fun things, there are un-fun things. I think that's where I stand.

There's a lot up in the air for us the next couple of years. A lot. I want to remember to be thankful because in spite of the messes in life, there's a lot of 'good.' Some of the messes are for good...but that's another blog.

So tonight I am thankful. I'm thankful for the people I call family and friends, and for the friends who are like family.

I'm thankful that my mom is doing better than she was last year and that she's around to enjoy her new grandson.


I'm thankful for my hard-working husband, who I love watching as a father now


I'm thankful for this little blessing. I'll never be the same.


I'm so thankful for so many things. This coming year I want to be thankful.

It seems most people use this time of year to reflect on the past and make plans for the future. Thus resolutions. I've never done the whole resolution thing. I guess I think if I need to do/change something, I'll do it right then and there rather than wait for January 1 to roll around...as if it possessed some kind of magic that would help me accomplish my goals. I do get it, though - the fresh start kind of thing. It's a good time as any to reflect.

I'll not be doing that tonight. In fact as soon as I post one last picture in 2009, I'll clean the kitchen, pick up the living room, bathe & nurse a baby and go to bed. Probably not staying up. I haven't decided yet.

What we've been up to

Gotta invest in a wagon

P.S.

More than gifts, I'm really into stockings. If nothing else, it's one tradition I think we'll continue for a while. We're so blessed to have 3 stockings now. So blessed...

Oh Holy Night

On Christmas Eve, we video-conferenced the Poffin-grandparents so that they could watch X-Man open his gifts from them. Fun stuff.


Then Nathan talked me into a quick drive to WalMart for some batteries for his new remote control helicopter. This is what it looked like outside...


The roads were icy and a bit slick so I wasn't sure about it...especially with our Xfactor, but since he wouldn't go to sleep, we figured it would be a great way to knock 2 things out...or so we thought. He wouldn't sleep. Oh, and WalMart was already closed. CVS saved the night.

Christmas morning we woke to this:



We headed to my mom's for lunch and spent the afternoon with her.

X-Man opening some gifts.

eve

It's 29 right now with a wind chill of 15. It's been snowing since about noon...not a lot of accumulation seeing as it's been so warm the past few days. But it's pretty. So we've stuck around inside, listening to Christmas music, entertaining our Xfactor and just chillin...these may not be the blizzard conditions I enjoyed in Kansas, but it's nice nonetheless.

One of the ways you entertain a high-energy infant


When he won't sleep...we laugh

I LOVE me some Texas Weather

Yes, we were at about 70 today in the middle of December, and tomorrow our high will be 40something. At least we got a chance to go for a good walk this afternoon.

Tonight

After my weirdo morning, the afternoon...well, it remained kinda weird. My son didn't want to nap. He went hours without napping. After a final nursing and sleeplessness, I finally packed him up and headed out the door...in the car seat that is. If he's fed and tired, he'll fall asleep in no time. Sure enough, it worked. And it was good. It gave me a chance to drive around a neighborhood we skipped when looking at lights the other evening.

Then we got home, I got a few things done before Xander woke, and we did the evening routine...which I'll discuss in a later blog. But as a side bar - I'm not the scheduling kind when it comes to him. Yes, we have a routine somewhat, but I'm not a babywise kind of gal who schedules everything for my child...odd for a perfectionist, type-A choleric. Anyway, while nursing him, I began to feel overwhelmed...good overwhelmed at everything in my life. I looked at the lights on our half-done tree, the nativity scene underneath...next to the big, red box to represent the Person of the season...and the THREE stockings hanging on the wall.

God has been so good to us.

This kid melts my heart.

cont'd

...so the bottom line of the previous email - tiring morning. Already the afternoon is better.

Ever need to hear that something you did was good? Well, considering I couldn't stick with the recipe due to circumstances beyond my control, it's pretty good. And the husband says so. Just when I need a word of encouragement, he's so good to do it. Thank Jesus for husbands who say nice things to you on weird days. I hate to complain seeing as my life is NOT difficult. Just had a morning.

...and 2 hours later, the coffee cake is finally in the oven. It's past 12:30. I'm still in my pj's. I haven't had a shower. There's flour all over my counters, there's brown sugar on the floor (yes, I'm baking with sugar) as well as a paci (no, he still won't take it. It's his teething/chew toy. I've been in the mood to bake a coffee cake for a couple of weeks. I know I only have 1 child, but timing it with his overactive craziness is just plain hard. I've been feeling guilty about it - not being able to get done as much as I used to. I mean, there are moms with 4+children who can get the world done and then some. Well, I'm no supermom. My cape is...well, I don't know. Anyway, with a whiny 4-month old in my moby wrap, I got most of it done. Then he really needed to nurse...so the oven stayed on for who knows how long. And the mess lingers. Whatever.

And where did my peaceful child go? He was active but peaceful. This past weekend he learned how to throw real fits. Where did that come from?

And the comparisons begin. Ever get compared to people you will NEVER measure up to? UGH!!! It's been happening since my teen years, and I HATE IT. "Well, so-and-so's children never do that. You should..."

Ok and the advice - thanks, I'll gladly take it. But then people get annoying. I was talking to a friend the other day who told me the most irritating thing to her when she was a first time mom was people telling her and then questioning what she should do with her kids. Advice - GREAT! The other stuff - leave it.

And he wakes...

Wha...

And why did my videos post all weird??

Happy Feet

He was barely 3 months when he was doing this...could've been 2 months still...don't quite remember, but my son thinks he can run already. He's too busy doing this to stay in his belly and learn how to crawl.

Cuatro Meses

My boy is 4 months today. It's almost unfair how quickly time passes, but such is life. We're soaking in every moment as much as possible...even the ones when he won't nap. Those are sometimes the best moments. I'm in mommy heaven.

The tummy isn't so bad after all. In fact, we're learning how to scoot ourselves. Rolling over - check! Now for crawling...


They're my favorites


Since he thinks he can run, let's give him a little more independence in the jumper


Going for a ride

Supermen

I love them


visiting mommy's ex-coworkers


love that smile


and his dad puts him in weird places


with auntie resa


again...dad and weird places

From last month

out walking with mom


...and falling asleep in the wrap...


attempt at a family pic


with grandpa poff


with grandma poff


with grandpa again


watching football with dad
i seriously have no clue what was making him laugh like that.

Sadness

It's sad to me that when I watch television, commercials say this, "...there are only ___ (pick a number) shopping days 'till Christmas..." How pathetic. Christmas has been reduced to a number of shopping days left. Since when was Christmas about shopping and buying things? Don't get me wrong, we've done the gifts, we've done the shopping, but it just seems more and more lame every year. I mean that. It's not that I don't like gifts. I love new things, and I LOVE giving things. I do. BUT I don't like the fact that Christmas has become about the stuff, about the presents. For years we picked names and did an exchange. Last year Nathan & I decided not to do any of that at all. We had made plans to visit a homeless shelter, but I was already with child and was feeling the yuckies. I was in bed all day long. This year - we'll be with family. But the whole filling the bottom of a tree with a gazillion presents...I guess it just feels so materialistic since Christmas doesn't have anything to do with me giving someone a gift. That's what birthdays are for, right? If Christmas is about saying, "Happy Birthday, Jesus," then why should other people, who have so much useless stuff anyway, get more useless stuff?

Okay, so I'm not totally boycotting the gift thing. What I'm trying to share is how frustrated I am with the materialism of American Christmases. I've heard over and over people complain about the crowds at stores. I hear people say that they have their shopping done. Shopping done for who? Jesus?

I'm not communicating my frustration well.

It's sad - I hate to sound cliche, but at the risk of sounding that way, let's get back to celebrating the birth of a Savior.