3.30.08

I had some questions and emails regarding the PICC line and TPN, so this is to inform about it a little.

Because Mom's intestines need to heal, the docs don't want her to eat any solid foods. She's on a liquid diet. She's receiving nutrition intravenously through a line that goes from her arm to her heart. Everything she needs is in it. We have to hook her up every night, and it runs for about 12 hours. The bag is actually called TPN, total parenteral nutrition. The TPN is delivered with an infusion pump. Thank goodness it's not as big as the machines at the hospital. This is a little machine that fits in a backpack type bag with the TPN, and it's not difficult for Mom to carry.



A great nurse came the first night to show us how to do it, and the second night a different nurse showed up who relied more on us than we on her on the usage of the line.

So every night we take out the TPN from the fridge around 6:30 or 7 PM. An our or so later, we put the gloves on, inject some vitamins into the bag, flush the lines, clean this, clean that. purge this, and then finally connect the line. The line is just above her inner elbow on the left arm. Because it's something that goes directly into her blood, and because there's like an actual hole where the line goes in and stitches holding it in place, everything has to be clean, clean, clean.

They also certified me at the hospital on how to change the dressing. That part they're more paranoid about because the line and the area where it goes in is actually exposed. Everything has to be not just clean then, but it must be sterile. There's this whole process with that too. Stink! I should have gone to nursing school. At least I've done it a couple of times now (the dressing change), and I'm not so paranoid about that one now. The dressing can't get wet, dirty or anything like that. So when it's time for a shower, we have to cover it completely. At the hospital they used plastic wrap and taped it really well. A nurse in a dressing change class mentioned that one of her patients used the Glad Press & Seal. I don't know how it works on plates, but it sure works on skin and on itself. We use a few of those and then tape just to make sure nothing leaks in, and so far that's been great.

What else with the PICC line? ...Oh, Mom does have to make frequent (hourly) trips to the bathrom at night, so rest at night isn't the best. She is able to go right back to sleep, so that's awesome. Usually I'm the only one that has sleep issues after waking up. I'm not sure why, but I try to fit in a nap during the day to make up for it.

There can be complications with the TPN and the PICC line so please pray that we have none of these. So far so good, and we want to keep it that way.

Pictures tomorrow...

Update 3.28.08

So I know I said I would update yesterday, but time got away from us. That happens these days. Thankfully, things have slowed down, and my mom's health is headed in the right direction.

Okay, so I'll try to pick up where things left off last week. Be ready - this will be a long one :)

Tuesday - The fam showed up, and I left the hospital for a couple of days to rest and refresh. After being with Mom 24/7 for over a month, not seeing her for 2 days was kinda hard. I wanted to see in person how she was doing. The family was great at keeping me updated, and their reports were this: pain is under control, she's looking better, feeling better, no vomiting or diarrhea, and the external swelling is getting better.

During the time I was gone, my mom did have what I consider a major procedure - the docs placed a picc line from her arm to her heart through a vein to give her the nutrition she needs. They figured out that her bowels (intestines) are still VERY inflamed. After she was released from the hospital the prior week, they had told her she needed to eat, eat, eat to heal. Well, that was the problem. She was eating, but her bowels were so swollen that the food wasn't getting through very well. That was causing much of the pain. The intestines were so swollen that only liquids could get through easily; anything else was getting stuck...trying to get anything solid through would indeed cause a ridiculous amount of pain. So they now ordered a picc line, through which she would get all of her nutrition. They also restricted her diet to clear liquids. She's to 'eat' (drink clear liquids) only for pleasure since her nutrition is coming through the line.

So once they started that and she had passed the solids already in her body, she began to improve. When my brother & I returned on Friday to spend the day with Mom...I just can't begin to tell you the difference we saw in her. The external swelling had gone down, her pain was in control, and she was smiling - that was the biggest deal to me.

Family stayed with her once again on Friday night.

I returned to the hospital Saturday morning to take over the duties again seeing as the plan was for her to be discharged on Monday. We did have a bit of a bad pain episode on Saturday night, and for a bit I began to really get discouraged. I told my brother something like, "...I think it's me...when I'm around, she's in pain and all this crazy stuff happens. When I leave, she does so well...I may need to watch from far away..." Of course, I knew it wasn't true, but you start to doubt truth and believe all kinds of lies sometimes when things look really ugly. Okay, maybe you don't, but my human nature did show itself on those rough, rough days.

What took place that night was the same thing as before - food trying to get through the bowels. Some doctor at one point had told my mom that it was okay for her to go on a 'soft food' diet, meaning they were allowing solids. Well, this was a day that neither one of her main docs was around. It never should have happened. As soon as the solids were (very painfully) through the intestine, she was much better. So back on the clear liquid diet once again. The downside to it - for the first time in months, my mom has an appetite...but she can't eat. Ugh! Note to self: NEVER take eating for granted.

Easter Sunday was a pretty good day. Of course, she was very tired, but overall she was okay. We're all super happy about the picc line because it means my mom is getting exactly what she needs, which she probably didn't even get before all of this. The downside to it is that she wakes about every hour or so to use the bathroom (from the liquids going in). So not only did that keep her up, but as soon as she would begin falling asleep after coming back to bed, the nurses were in to check vitals or give her meds. So annoying...but I know it's their job.

Monday (release day) I could tell Mom woke up feeling ...not as great as Sunday. My aunt, Janet, came early to help during the discharge, and she, too, could tell Mom wasn't doing so well. After our own process of elimination, we narrowed it down to this one pill they were giving her - a 'bowel motivator.' It's this dumb 'lil pill that they said was so the bowels wouldn't just be sitting there. You know what, though? We were reading the literature on it, and it says something like, "...if you have any intestinal obstruction or tumor...DO NOT TAKE." HELLO! After she was able to release some of the pressure caused by the pill later that day, Mom did much better. We left the hospital in the early evening and headed to my uncle Phil and aunt Janet's place. We'll actually be staying with them until the surgery. They have a one level house that is way more comfortable than the trailer, and my mom said it was time to come here.

So what's happening now?

Through the course of the week, Mom has looked better and better each day. Her swelling is completely gone now - GREAT NEWS! The only downside to that is how skinny she is. She has in fact lost some weight (is at 94 lbs), and you can tell it. Tia Janet, though, gave her a new haircut today that filled her face out (doesn't look as long and skinny). Her eyes also don't look as dark from being 'sunken in.'

Mom had a doc appointment on Wednesday, during which he showed us a chart basically of her nutrition level just before, during and after her treatments. I was shocked to see how low she got before actually improving. She bottomed out almost at the lowest number on the chart. She's not yet back to normal, but she has improved by leaps and bounds and mountains and skies. If I get a chance to one of these days, I'll scan and post the chart.

Why was her nutrition so low? Practically speaking it was the chemo and radiation treatments. More specifically...there was a lot wrong, but one of the main things was her extremely low albumin level. Google albumin to read about how important that protein is for our bodies. At the hospital they gave my mom some albumin intravenously, and you could see the difference in her body almost immediately. When I figured out how albumin works, I realized why her swelling wouldn't go down.

So today we went out to run and errand and to see my aunt Estrella (who by the way is doing much better for those who have asked about her). We stopped for ice cream on the way back, and yes, Mom had a little. It was sherbet, and she's allowed a little. She didn't even eat a 1/4 of the child-size cup, but she'd also eaten some hard candy earlier. Since she hadn't really consumed much sugar, we believe it was the cause of some nausea (which until now had been pretty silent for days) she felt later on in the day and in the early part of the evening.

I can't think of much else right now...it is getting late, and good sleep can be a luxury these days. :) Not to worry, though...

Thank you all so very much for praying and keeping up with us as we journey through this chapter. I think I failed to mention how God answered our prayers in terms of:
- healing of the sores in Mom's mouth
- external body swelling - completely gone
- pain - this has been pretty well managed. They say she'll have a bit of pain until after the surgery, but on a scale of one - then, they'd like to keep it between one and three. Mom's pain has remained in the one and two category for the most part. There are times when it rises some, but it's usually brief, and we're narrowing down the causes.
- energy level - Mom has been moving around like I haven't seen in a LONG time. We're cautious with her, taking her recent fall into consideration, but she's up and around and walking a bit now.
- appetite - it's almost sad that Mom's appetite is back because she can't eat solid foods yet. She's craving, yes CRAVING many things, and it's hard to tell her no. Sure, she could cheat, but the thought of the pain that comes with food going through the inflamed bowels keeps her from it. Let me say it again: NEVER take eating for granted...

...much less...

...so many things...there are so many things we, I, take for granted on a daily basis. This journey has caused me to appreciate so many everyday things - eating, drinking, walking, LIVING without pain, being able to sleep not just on my back but in so many different ways, being able to sleep period, brushing my teeth without all kinds of painful sores, sitting, a body that functions properly, using the facilities painlessly, so much more. I think daily, I'm reminded of at least one more thing that I take for granted and should appreciate more.

Thank you, Lord, for my good health. I thank you that in spite of the challenges my mom is having, You love her and have never, ever left her side through all of it. You care about her more than anyone here on this earth, and I believe you hurt when she does. I don't understand why certain things happen to certain people. I don't understand all of this...I don't know that I understand any of it. BUT I do know that You are faithful. Your ways are higher than ours, so I won't attempt to understand all of it. Help me to learn what I should. Help my mom on a daily, hourly, momentary basis. I thank you for the grace you give her every single day to walk through this fire. Please help those we love who are also battling and fighting the fight of their lives - you know of whom we speak. In Jesus name, amen.

...but when I get to heaven, I think I'll still have a few questions for ya...

I am so sorry that it has taken me 9 million years to respond to emails and inquiries about mom. I will update thoroughly tomorrow, but for now I wanted all of you to know that she's doing much better. Mom is out of the hospital and is feeling way better.

Details tomorrow...

Update 3.19.08

Sunday - Mom progressively felt worse

Monday - We couldn't manage Mom's pain. We paged the doctor several times and ended up at the ER when his directives weren't working.

They admitted her and began the testing.

So far this is what we know - the scan showed 'obstructions' in the loops of her intestine, the obstructions being the inflammation and the tumor. She had a 'pic' (sp?) line put in her arm for nutrition and will have it until after the surgery. At first they said no to food, then they changed their minds to allow soft, bland foods, but they may change their minds again. They seemed to have managed her pain so far, and that's awesome news. The swelling in her body is still there, but it seems to be getting a little better.

Yesterday with all the drama, our AMAZING family showed up. Almost all of the brothers and sisters who live nearby came to help as well as my brother, and it was such a relief to me. They booted me out and are taking turns staying with her through out the day. I was becoming quite the emotional mess lately so it's a good thing for me to get away as hard as it is to leave my mom. I didn't want to leave, but I know I can't be much help to my mom if I'm not strong myself. It's hard for me to watch people in pain...and my mom...seeing her that way is almost unbearable sometimes.

So I heard that Mom had a pretty good night once her pain was managed. They sedated her in order to put in the pic line, and the family says she's doing okay.

I'm so very thankful for a family who pulls together and pitches in when we most need it. Thank you guys so very much! Last night there were like over 10 people in one little itty bitty room...but you know what? It was strength to my mom to see her brothers, sisters, and her kids right there with her. She's still thinking of others instead of herself - meaning she asked them all to make sure I was okay and to take care of me yada, yada - just like her.

So I'm sorry I haven't updated this, but I just haven't been able to do it the past couple of days.

Thank you all for your prayers, emails, text messages. They encourage me more than you know. If I don't answer my phone, it's only because I'm on it, away from it, or I just can't at the time.

I'll try to post some specific prayer requests soon.

Update 3.15.08

Guess who got to come home? That's right - my mom! Well, home being the travel trailer at the RV park, but it beats being at the hospital. We've been there since midnight Saturday, and it's good to see the sunshine and hear the birds sing.

Mom is doing a little better. She is still swollen, but we finally got a good explanation from the chemo doctor as to why she's so swollen and why it'll take time (a couple of weeks probably) for the swelling to go down completely. See, the treatments deplete quite a bit of nutrition, etc. from the body. Mom's protein is quite low not only because of the treatments, but also because for a week or two she could hardly eat. Then there was the vomiting and 'd.' The doctor said that what she needs to do right now is eat, eat, eat. Yes, she needs protein, but more than that she just needs to eat high calorie foods. Her diet is still limited because of the diarrhea. She can't eat much fiber or milk products. The milk products part is bad because those are the easier ways for her to get protein. Yogurt had been one of our best friends, but she has to limit that for now.

She's on some pretty potent medicine for the pain and also to control the diarrhea. Too many BM's mean dehydration but not enough is constipation. Of course, the medications all have their side effects so we're trying to manage that as well. It's all a huge balancing act.

We're thankful that the mouth sores are almost completely healed. That means Mom will have an easier time eating. That's awesome! The swelling is SLOWLY but surely going down. It'll be a a while still for her to come back down to normal, but little by little we think it's getting better. It's funny - my mom is almost my size now. She's so tiny normally that seeing her this way (as long as she doesn't feel bad) is almost kinda cute. For the first time ever, she has some hips. We're thinking she weighs about 110 or more. The bad thing about this swelling is that the swelling does hurt sometimes. In fact, last night her back was hurting from it pretty bad. This morning, we walked outside for a few minutes (enjoying the Houston weather before it hits 85).

Mom is still eating better and better every day. She had a plain junior cheeseburger last night. Hey, fast food right now is a-okay since we're trying to bring up her calorie count. Oh, another awesome thing - twice this week my mom was actually hungry. She hasn't actually been hungry since November or so. She eats because she has to, but she's just never hungry. Well, twice this week she was, and that's AMAZING news. Thank you, God!

How to pray:
-appetite - pray that Mom's appetite grow more and more
-swelling - pray that this continue to go down QUICKLY. Again, it'll take care of so many things, and she'll actually be able to eat a big bowl of fruit - something she's been craving for a while
-pain - that this contine to ease. She hasn't asked for as many meds for that today, so that's a good sign.

That's it for now. I thank God every day for all of you who are praying for my mom. Your prayers really work when we are just worn and drained. THANK YOU!

Update 3.13.08

It's been an up and down day, but mostly it's been a bit rough. The swelling from the fluids has my mom not just miserable but also in pain. As of tonight, no more pain medicine through the IV; we're down to the patches and a couple of different types of pills.

Um...I'm kinda tired so I'll make this a short one.

Please pray for:
-the pain to be managed better
-rest, rest, rest, without pain
-inflammation to go down - this will take care of a number of issues
-mouth sores to heal
-energy level to rise

Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, emails, etc. Just when things seem to be too difficult, we receive a word of encouragement, a Scripture, or something that just revives us. When the Lord lays any of that on your heart, don't hesitate to email me. His Word is LIFE.

Update 3.12.08

Monday - Mom was still feeling pretty bad from the prior day. Her small intestine, though very inflammated, has no infection. That's a great thing. Now it's just waiting on it to return to normal. Until it does, we're to expect diarrhea. The urinary tract infection is being treated with antibiotics. Her legs began to swell quite a bit because of all of the fluids they were giving her. She wasn't releasing them so they had to put in a folie, a urine catheter overnight to release some of the fluids and pressure. If it's not one thing, it's another, huh?

Tuesday - Mom felt better than Monday. They removed the folie (sp?), and she was doing okay on her own. Her legs and body were quite swollen up to her waist. We're doing all the things they say to do - elevating her legs and talking walks. Oh, better appetite.

Wednesday - The doctor wanted to release her, but they decided against it because they needed to wean her off the pain medication they were giving her and transition to an oral med. They gave us a plan of how they'll do this. Up until this afternoon, she was feeling very well. In the morning, her legs weren't quite as swollen as yesterday, but they started pumping her with more fluids for fear of dehydration (the whole small intestine and diarrhea thing). Her legs and waist are big again, and she wouldn't even mind it except that it becomes uncomfortable and then even painful. So she had that kind of pain as well as the abdominal pain she's been having. The process of weaning her off of one thing and getting her onto another is...still going. Mom ate really well this morning and at lunch. Her mouth sores prevent her from eating 'hard' foods, but we're finding our way through it. She used some of that numbing stuff, but even that has it's ups and downs. Until she tires of them, poached eggs, linguini alfredo, and yogurt are our good friends.

So here's how you can pray:
Pain - pray that we learn how to manage this between today and tomorrow so that if she's released tomorrow, the transition is painless. Pray that the mouth sores (from chemo) will be healed so she can actually eat the things she wants (now that she actually wants to eat more).
Protection - pray that neither of us catches any of the hospital bacteria 'stuff.' She cannot afford to deal with anything else, and if I get sick, it puts me out of the picture. She needs care right now 24/7 so that would ...not be a good thing.
Peace - there are so many details that would take too long to go into, but things can get frustrating at times. This little problem can cause that, and that can cause the other thing, and the cycle can literall make someone crazy. Pray that we continue to lean on Jesus.
Rest - we really need some sleep. The crazyness of the infection and the inflammated intestine are enough to disturb our sleep every couple of hours at night. Then there are the doctors and nurses who need to check this or that. It's exhausting.
Inflammation & infection - pray that the intestine and bladder are healed QUICKLY.

The good news is that from here things should get better. That's what we're believing so please stand with us.

Update 3.9.08

*sigh* I haven't written updates lately because we have been in and out of the hospital and ER since Thursday. Not long after I wrote the last update on Thursday, my mom was reaching for something, her left leg gave out, and she fell. Thank the Lord she didn't hurt herself. Her leg wasn't numb, it didn't tingle, it didn't hurt - it just wouldn't hold her weight...her mere 100 lb body (and that's only from the IV fluids). After many, many tests, an MRI, a CT scan and hours at the ER, we were eventually told that her leg was weak because the radiation had gone to some nerves in that area. They also said it wouldn't be permanent damage. We were there from about 2 in the afternoon until 3:30 the next morning.

The next day we had a regular appointment during which we let the radiologist know what happened the prior day. He was not at all convinced about the reason for her fall...or the reason we'd been given, so he ordered another MRI, more blood work, and urine samples. At this point, we were going on pretty much zero sleep so my poor mom was beyond exhausted. My aunt Janet and Ivonne came to help, and honestly, it was just a huge relief. Many have offered to help...sometimes I just don't know how they can...I guess I just needed to see their faces because I broke down upon sight of them. My mom was feeling pretty cruddy by this point, and I was getting more and more...frustrated (if that's the word) because of my inability to help her more. I just didn't know what to do.

When we finished the MRI, we were supposed to go to a dermatologist appointment to see about some non-chemo and non-radiation spots that were showing up on her body, but once the doctor saw how tired she was, he sent her home. OH, but not before letting us know that she had a bladder infection - thus the fever and new abdominal pain.

We both crashed when we got to the travel trailer...only to wake to a fever (she had the fever, not me). It was over 102, so Janet and Ivonne stayed quite a while to help me get the fever down. They also helped me by cleaning up and even taking our laundry.

Yesterday (Saturday) my brother and his family came over from morning until after 5. They also helped us quite a bit. During that time, my mom didn't feel terrible, but she didn't necessarily feel well. Things progressively got worse. My mom is something else...she tried and tried to make herself feel well. She ate a little, she drank as much as she could without getting nauseated, she took her pills, and she just tried. She woke up about hrs after we'd been sleeping to use the restroom, and as soon as she tried to lay back down, she vomited oh so much. She was in pain again (the patches and pills weren't working), and...she was just miserable. This time, she didn't have to be convinced to go to the ER; this time she asked us to take her. So off we went around 1:30 in the morning.

More blood, more X-rays, and another scan. Around 5 in the morning I took a nap, while Louis accompanied her to do the scan. That took forever, of course, but it was well worth it. My brother and Naticia came once again to help out (thanks Rach for keeping the kids!). What did they find? Well, the bladder infection wasn't just a bladder infection. She has an intestine infection. See, the areas where she was receiving radiation are expected to be swollen, but the other parts aren't. They found a swollen loop that shouldn't have been, and that's because there's an infection. At that point, they decided to admit her - a HUGE relief to all of us. We've been doing our best to manage the side effects of the chemo, radiation, and all the pills she's taking...and the side effects that come with the pills and the side effects to those...it's a never-ending cycle when it comes to drugs. Honestly, though, it has become beyond overwhelming to keep track of this stuff because now there were new pains that we couldn't treat and new symptoms. Now we could finally get the professionals to deal with what we're completely unable to manage ourselves.

So that's where we are now - in a room where my mom can be treated by people who can help. The chemo doctor came and got involved while she was at the ER, and he's closely monitoring her along with her surgeon (future surgeon) and other doctors. The staff here have continued to be great. The only downside to being here is that they constantly wake her up to check her vitals and other stuff, so she gets woken up quite a bit. Yet, it's something I had already started doing with her at home to keep track of her fever, and it's so much better here because they can finally treat the problem.

Three trips to the ER in one week for my mom...her little body is starving for rest, so pray that she be able to get that. That lil body is also in need of nutrition, which she'll be able to get more little by little here.

What's next? We'll be here for at least 48 hours, after which the doctors will reassess her condition.

How is she? Better. I've never seen my mom look the way she has the past couple of weeks, and writing this update is almost reliving some of it. I don't like it. It broke me, and it continues to break my heart. I've never gone through anything more trying or that causes me to doubt so much or that causes my heart to literally fall to pieces every 5 minutes. This isn't just my mom; next to Nathan she's my best friend. She's this angel for whom I care with my whole heart - watching her go through this hellish storm is...a reminder of how much I need Jesus. In the midst of her pain, my mom comforted me (while I'm supposed to be doing that for her) and said, "As much help as you and others have been to me, I know I couldn't make it without the Lord. I know He is right here with me." And she means that. When she is feeling miserable and in pain, I hear her crying out, "Help me, Jesus. Help me now..."

It would be so easy to give up on Him. I mean, where is He when she's in pain? Where is He, and why doesn't He just put it to an end? I mean if He is who He says He is, can't He just make it all stop now? I think He can. But why doesn't He? I don't know. I don't know that I'll ever know or understand Him and all His ways. I just know that He's worthy anyhow. My mom reminded me the other day to love God not because of what He does but because of who He is. I mean, we love people, or should love people because of them, not for what they do for us. The book of Hosea is somewhat about that - loving someone in spite of what they may or may not do. God loves us that way, and I'm challenged to love Him because He is I AM.

There's this song I love and fell in love with when I first heard it because it challenged me to do just that - love the Lord completely even though I haven't seen Him (emphasis added at the end mine).

I have found exceeding joy,
Jesus answered when I called
this Name that has saved me,
pure love that embraced me.
Mercy, grace, eternal life.
Bought from darkness to His light.
While lost in my sin, He
raised me and made me live.

My soul magnifies the Lord,
my heart joys in God my Saviour,
for He lifts the lowly,
He's done great things for me.
I will sing, praising evermore,
He is mighty and Holy is His Name.

I will lift my head up high,
praising Jesus through each trial.
Though I have not seen Him,
I love Him completely.

Copyright 2002 Miriam Webster/Hillsong Publishing

Update 3/6/08

It's just before 11, and here we sit, lay, and rest. Yesterday was a great day. It was a very long day, but it was great nonetheless. My mom had a doctor's appointment in the morning, so we headed out and finished up with that and bloodwork just before noon. On our way out, my mom wanted to stop at the hospital cafeteria to get some Chick-fil-a nuggets - crazy, huh?! She hasn't really had much of an appetite so that was music to my ears. She only ate a couple of them, but that was okay. I think the grease and honey mustard got to the sores she's now getting in her mouth. I could tell she was getting tired so we headed home.

We had a few hours before her last treatment, so she laid down for a nap. Upon waking, though, she had a fever, and although it was a low-grade fever, we needed to let the doctor know. There was a bit of miscommunication, and they thought she had a 103 fever, so we rushed over. After realizing it wasn't so high, they let us know what to do in the future.

On our way to the radiation area, she was surprised by some of the family who showed up to celebrate her last treatment with us. The biggest surprise was my aunt Estrella, who recently had her stroke. Their family is actually moving down from Oklahoma, and my uncle brought her to see my mom for the first time since the stroke. It was awesome! I'll post pics of their reunion soon.

So she did her last treatment and rang the bell. She still had some fever from earlier, but from the excitement, I don't think it was really bothering her. What a great moment for all of us.

Unfortunately that wasn't the end of the day for us. My mom still had to get some fluids through IV so off we went. By the time we finished all of that, it was nearly 10, and my poor mom was exhausted. We still had to travel from one building to the other, wait for the car and drive home. At least the valet people kept us laughing. It's been good to see my mom smile and hear her laugh. After a terrible week (last week), it's very relieving and such a joy to see her smile.

We have doctors' appointments tomorrow and Monday. We will continue to stay in Houston at least through next week so that we can be near the hospital for the appointments and in the case my mom should need to visit for any reason. We expect the side effects to come to a peak in the next few days but then to subside little by little.

This morning my mom had a little fever, but it has since gone, and we are going to take it nice and easy today. For breakfast I got a little creative in making a peach smoothie for her. She's still limited in what she eats, and fresh fruits are out, but that's where creativity comes in...not something I'm a natural with, but at least it came this morning. I added a little protein powder to it, and she ended up drinking the entire thing!

I know the battle isn't nearly over, but I'm grateful for the victories we've had already. For a while, every day may continue to be a fight. I know, though, that He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world. The victory is already ours, and we're just walking in His grace according to His will.

Update 3/4/08 - another one

We just got home from the hospital about 20 minutes ago. *yawn?* My mom had fluids through IV scheduled at 5, and they take 3 hours to finish. She started at exactly 6 pm, and we finished around 9:20. Well, we were in one building, and to walk to the building where you have to park, it takes a good 20 minutes...walking at a regular speed. Since my mom is too weak to walk much, she's been using a wheelchair, and it would've taken us FOREVER. The great thing is that they have little 'shuttles' (oversized golf carts) so getting to the building wasn't a problem...um, but they finish their rounds at 8:45 pm. We could've walked it, but unfortunately my mom has had way too many bowel movements today (all the 'D'), and there's no restroom on the way to/from...

...well, security called a van that drove us to the building, blah blah. We're kinda worn today. I say that knowing that my mom is BEAT. I have nothing about which to complain.

So yeah - the doctors want her to have at least one bowel movement per day but no more than 3. Today we're already above 9. Thank goodness she was scheduled for fluids because otherwise she'd be dehydrated already. If it continues, though, we'll have to make another trip to the ER. You know, the ER is not something I dread. In fact, it's almost comforting because they can help my mom in ways that we cannot. Of course, we do our best to avoid that, but I'm glad it's there if we need it.

And (yeah, I know it's not grammatically correct to begin my sentences this way) let me just take this time to say how great it is that 99% of the hospital staff has been amazing. And it's great that we just give them my mom's lil patient number, and they know pretty much EVERYTHING about her. They can pull up her labs at any moment, etc etc. Their system allows the kind of efficiency that Susy believes belongs everywhere in the world.

Okay, so as I finish this and you read it...hopefully we'll be on our way to my mom's last radiation treatment. She just finished some yogurt with protein powder, and is working on her liquids. Let's pray for no ER!

Tomorrow she rings the bell!

Update 3/4/08

Let me just tell you that I have a resilient and strong mother. She's the most courageous and the strongest woman I know. What makes her strong? She relies on God for help rather than these crazy medicines, and she's faithful to praise Him even in the worst of times.

Last night was a bit long. At 2 a.m. she woke up to use the facilities and ended up being there quite a while (Mom, if you ever read through these, I'm sorry to tell about all this, but it helps people know how to pray). Finally around 3:30 she laid down only to get the hiccups (that's right) for a while. She actually had the hiccups about 4 times yesterday. She was finally able to doze off right after 6 this morning. The great thing - no pain!

As the day has progressed, she has eaten better and has taken liquids better. She got very nauseous and had a tiny bit of vomiting just after we returned from the hospital and before she ate, but she felt much better after wards. She's laying down, napping, and at 5 we go back to the hospital for an IV of fluids to prevent dehydration.

So it's set in stone - tomorrow is the last day of treatments! I can't wait to see my mom ring the bell at the radiation entrance/exit that announces she has finished. The side effects will be here for a couple of weeks still, and the radiation will continue to work for another month. BUT we have something for which to look forward. We will continue to stay in Houston at least through next week to be near the hospital in case we should need anything. We'll meet with the chemo doctor tomorrow and the surgeon on Monday. The surgeon should let us know when she'll have a scan to see the results of the radiation on the tumor and to determine the plan of action for the surgery.

On our way to the hospital this morning, my mom thanked God for all the people who are praying for her. Then she started singing - she was praising God, and hands down it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. My 'eye faucets' couldn't hold it in, and I cried all the way to the hospital. Your prayers strengthen us, so from the bottom of my heart - thank you.

THANK YOU, LORD!

one more for the day

As I type, my mom has just fallen asleep with a bit more nutrition in her system and without evident pain. The meds are working, and most importantly, Jesus has answered our prayers. He has relieved and eased the pain. For His name's sake, He has shown Himself faithful. Whether or not He comes in our timing or our way, He will answer.

Tonight we ask God, our Father for rest. May we all rest, not just physically, but in every way - knowing that He is sovereign and in control. He will work things out according to His will. To that, we surrender and lean on His grace and arms to hold us up when we can no longer do it ourselves.

Update 3/3/08

I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in a couple of days. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster here.

Saturday - By saturday morning, the 'lil morphine lollipop had kicked in, and my mom got to feeling better. My brother's family all came over and spent most of the afternoon with us. It was great to see my mom feeling better. She even ate a little bit of turkey with her crackers. Then came the evening...

...she started with the stomach cramping again, so we tried little bits of the lollipop. She woke up several times in the night with the pain, and the morsphine lollipop was hardly working. Apparently the morphine patch wasn't either. It had kicked in at some point on Saturday evening, but apparently it wasn't strong enough.

Sunday morning - pain, pain, more pain. My mom wasn't able to eat but a couple of spoonfuls of yogurt. Then immediately the pain would come. She couldn't drink either. She could eat the crunchy Sonic ice, but only little bits at a time. We tried another morphine patch but knew it would take 12 hrs to kick in. Around 4 pm we noticed she had fever. She was in the fetal position because of the pain. I don't remember experiencing anything this gut-wrenching. My heart was beyond broken, and we just didn't know what to do.

Well, that's what ER's are for. We got to the ER around 4:30, and she was admitted immediately. Her potassium was low, but at least not as low as it had gotten before her last trip to the ER, as was her magnesium. So they set up the IV with potassium, magnesium, and an antibiotic in the case of an infection. Since her body is immune-compromised right now, it can't fight infections by itself. They wanted to take a precaution in case the fever was from an infection. Then they hooked us up with a different kind of morphine. This stuff worked. You know, I'm all about natural stuff, but I have NEVER EVER been more thankful for medical technology. Thank you, Jesus! So after whatever the name of the stuff they gave her went through the IV, my mom was already feeling better.

They did run all kinds of blood tests and xrays. All came back a-okay. You know what was really incredible? The radiation doctor showed up when he heard she had been admitted. We see him weekly, but it's not his responsibility to show up in these situations. Most of the time they're not even aware until later. Not only did he come, but he came! It was a huge deal to us, and let me just take this time to say how incredible he is. This doctor is going to get extra little blessings in heaven for his kindness towards us.

Okay, so everything came back fine, but they wouldn't release my mom until her potassium had gone back to normal. They have to pump it very slowly so that there's no heart damage. The radiation doc looked at all of the tests himself and then talked to us.

The fever - he believes it was a 'tumor' fever - the tumor breaking down a little bit - GREAT NEWS! He said that could also be the reason for the severe stomach cramps. Yes, low potassium can cause muscle spasms, but it's not typically the stomach, and it wouldn't be that bad. So in his words, "I'm so sorry I can't give you a definite answer on the abdominal pain. Medical technology is imperfect, and I'm sorry we can't give you the cause; BUT at least we can take care of the symptom, AND we've made sure it wasn't any obstruction or anything of concern..."

His empathy, honesty, and care really encouraged us.

GREAT NEWS AGAIN - instead of the 6 radation treatments my mom had left, he's taking it down to 3! That means that Wednesday of this week will be the last of it. I'll explain on another blog more of the details of the science of why she couldn't stop at 22 treatments but can stop at 25. She'll still feel the most serious side effects for about 10 days after the last treatment, but the radiation itself will keep working for another month or so. Unless something changes today, Wednesday is the last of this radiation nonsense. THANK YOU, GOD!

Today - the pain is in control, and we're just gonna keep using the magic lil pill along with the morphine patches. They seem to do the trick together.

*relief*

I can't begin to explain how awful it was to see my mom in so much pain. Unlike her daughter, she can take quite a bit. I know when she complains about pain, it's serious. So when she moans and groans from it, ugh...again, I don't think my heart has ever hurt so much.

BUT our faith remains in Jesus. We have been comforted by Him through your love and prayers. I can't express my thanks to you for your love for me and my mom. I need you and thank you for standing with me/us through all of this. God is greater than any sickness or disease and will show Himself strong and faithful.

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord