It's been a frustrating day for me. Yes another. At this point I'm just fed up with all the drugs my mom is on. Her body needs to detox more than anything, but because her blood pressure is out of whack as well as the nausea, they just keep feeding her the drugs. Ugh. It's no wonder she can't get well and her body is just a mess. How is her frail, little frame supposed to metabolize all the poisons they're feeding her?
I appreciate all of the suggestions, recommendations, etc., but it's really out of our hands. I think once she's finally stable, we'll be able to do all of those things at home, but in the meantime really what I have to do is trust that God will do a miracle. I think that's what we need. We need Him to just get her over this thing so that she can begin the detox. So pray that God would do just that - a miracle.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
As Time Goes By
Not such a bad day today was. Definitely better than yesterday, but we continue to look forward to better days.
Mom woke up with no nausea so she was able to eat the equivalent of about one egg and a piece of toast. She was also able to get up to shower. Of course, that wore her out, and she went down for a nap. Upon waking the nausea had returned and remained until earlier this evening. She's been taking in liquids pretty well, just not enough yet.
The good news is that the results from the CT scan and EKGs all came back fine. In fact, the blood clots Mom developed about a month ago that traveled from her arm into her lungs have all dissolved. VERY COOL!
Now we just patiently wait for Mom to get better and better, little by little. I get a little eager beaver in me and automatically think we'll have 100% progress in one day when we rise to a good start. It wasn't that way, and that was disappointing to me. What can I say? I'm a girl of high expectations and somewhat a microwave at that. I do, however, realize that this will take a little time and a little effort. I still stand on the fact that my mom is in God's hands. His hand is not removed from the situation, and I take comfort in that.
Mom woke up with no nausea so she was able to eat the equivalent of about one egg and a piece of toast. She was also able to get up to shower. Of course, that wore her out, and she went down for a nap. Upon waking the nausea had returned and remained until earlier this evening. She's been taking in liquids pretty well, just not enough yet.
The good news is that the results from the CT scan and EKGs all came back fine. In fact, the blood clots Mom developed about a month ago that traveled from her arm into her lungs have all dissolved. VERY COOL!
Now we just patiently wait for Mom to get better and better, little by little. I get a little eager beaver in me and automatically think we'll have 100% progress in one day when we rise to a good start. It wasn't that way, and that was disappointing to me. What can I say? I'm a girl of high expectations and somewhat a microwave at that. I do, however, realize that this will take a little time and a little effort. I still stand on the fact that my mom is in God's hands. His hand is not removed from the situation, and I take comfort in that.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Heart
Today, like many days, has been an emotional day. It's hard to remember what happened when, but the day included (and all as it relates to my mom):
HBP
Nausea
Vomiting
Chest pressure
Leg jerking/spasms
A harsh scare of high heart rate that made about 6 nurses all come in here and yell this and that to each other with bring this and that and page doctor and do this. That was actually a very uncomfortable moment. It also really upset Mom. It started with vomiting, then the high heart rate from the vomiting and along with it some high blood pressure. She's just really, REALLY tired of dealing with the nonsense that comes with cancer and the treatments. Who can blame her? She's had more to deal with than most of us can begin to imagine.
After that I just read some Scripture to her for a while until she fell asleep. Her oncologist came by to let us know they were taking a closer look at her heart because of the chest pressure. It could be one of the side effects from that particular type of chemo. It's too long of an explanation to go into, but yes, it can cause a heart spasm type of thing. That would cause the pressure she was feeling. They did a CT scan this evening to see what else they could find with her heart. Of course, they want to rule out heart damage, etc. If there was any kind of plaque in those arteries, they'll be able to tell as well.
I was thinking earlier...a long train of thought that it's too late for me to go into right now, but I was thinking...good will come of this. We may never know what it is, but what if it had something to do with finding heart plaque? Maybe they'll find it; maybe they won't. But if they did, it could be a great way to foresee something to be able to prevent it later. God willing, they won't find anything, but ...
So this evening Mom was actually feeling better, and I could so tell. No, she's nowhere near to what she was last Friday before the chemo started, but I'll take any victory. There are lots of small victories that I don't want to forget, and I'm trying to keep track. This is one. It's no small one to me. To have the 5 minute conversation we were able to have tonight because she felt that much better brought me some pretty good almond joy. She even wanted to make a phone call. AND she smiled a very real and hopeful smile. Nice. Very nice.
How to pray:
-that there would be no heart damage or abnormal scan results
-appetite. Now that the nausea seems to be under control, my mom really needs to eat, eat, eat to get her strength back.
-nausea. before she can eat, the nausea has to be kept under control.
-regulated blood pressure and heart rate
-infection-less stay at the hospital
-uh, and this is more of an overall request - pray that this Gustav tropical-storm-turning-into-hurricane would uh...steer clear at least for a while.
HBP
Nausea
Vomiting
Chest pressure
Leg jerking/spasms
A harsh scare of high heart rate that made about 6 nurses all come in here and yell this and that to each other with bring this and that and page doctor and do this. That was actually a very uncomfortable moment. It also really upset Mom. It started with vomiting, then the high heart rate from the vomiting and along with it some high blood pressure. She's just really, REALLY tired of dealing with the nonsense that comes with cancer and the treatments. Who can blame her? She's had more to deal with than most of us can begin to imagine.
After that I just read some Scripture to her for a while until she fell asleep. Her oncologist came by to let us know they were taking a closer look at her heart because of the chest pressure. It could be one of the side effects from that particular type of chemo. It's too long of an explanation to go into, but yes, it can cause a heart spasm type of thing. That would cause the pressure she was feeling. They did a CT scan this evening to see what else they could find with her heart. Of course, they want to rule out heart damage, etc. If there was any kind of plaque in those arteries, they'll be able to tell as well.
I was thinking earlier...a long train of thought that it's too late for me to go into right now, but I was thinking...good will come of this. We may never know what it is, but what if it had something to do with finding heart plaque? Maybe they'll find it; maybe they won't. But if they did, it could be a great way to foresee something to be able to prevent it later. God willing, they won't find anything, but ...
So this evening Mom was actually feeling better, and I could so tell. No, she's nowhere near to what she was last Friday before the chemo started, but I'll take any victory. There are lots of small victories that I don't want to forget, and I'm trying to keep track. This is one. It's no small one to me. To have the 5 minute conversation we were able to have tonight because she felt that much better brought me some pretty good almond joy. She even wanted to make a phone call. AND she smiled a very real and hopeful smile. Nice. Very nice.
How to pray:
-that there would be no heart damage or abnormal scan results
-appetite. Now that the nausea seems to be under control, my mom really needs to eat, eat, eat to get her strength back.
-nausea. before she can eat, the nausea has to be kept under control.
-regulated blood pressure and heart rate
-infection-less stay at the hospital
-uh, and this is more of an overall request - pray that this Gustav tropical-storm-turning-into-hurricane would uh...steer clear at least for a while.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
More
I forgot to mention that Mom's BP also spiked yesterday. She normally runs in the 90something/60something range. Yesterday it went up to 210/...I forgot, but it was crazy.
Another thing I forgot to mention is that the test for her heart enzymes is all fine now. Another reason for the ER visit was chest pain. The first test they did was fine, the second was very abnormal with the numbers going far above what they liked but not enough yet to consider it heart damage. The third test showed that the numbers are back to normal. They said this was probably a side effect from the chemo.
Another thing I forgot to mention is that the test for her heart enzymes is all fine now. Another reason for the ER visit was chest pain. The first test they did was fine, the second was very abnormal with the numbers going far above what they liked but not enough yet to consider it heart damage. The third test showed that the numbers are back to normal. They said this was probably a side effect from the chemo.
More Chemo and More ER Visits
Sunday night we had to bring Mom to the ER at MD Anderson because she was vomiting so much (from the chemo). It's very easy for her to get dehydrated with the ileostomy so we didn't want to take any chances and came right away. We got here around 8:30 or 9 on Sunday evening.
They tried 2 different nausea medicines that typically work for her, but since neither was working, they went to a third one. That was bad news. She ended up having a reaction that only 0.1 or 1% of people get. There's a name for what her reaction was, but I can't remember. It happened very quickly, and she wasn't herself. First she couldn't stay still. Then her body started shaking as if she was having chills, but I knew that wasn't it because the shakes turned into spasms. Her heart rate increased, her muscles were really stiff and then she started acting confused. Pretty soon she just wasn't herself. Let me just say that it was a pretty intense couple of hours for me. I was trying to figure out what was going on along with the doctors...and it just wasn't the most pleasant time in the world.
When they finally figured out what had happened, they gave her something to counteract it. After a bit, she started sleeping and slept very soundly. She's still sleeping soundly. She's woken up only to use the facilities. I'm also trying to wake her up to drink something every 15 or 20 minutes and to try to eat a bite of breakfast. That's one of my main concerns right now - her weight. From the vomiting and not having really eaten in a couple of days, she's down to 87 lbs. I'm wondering if they'll put her on TPN for a few days...I'm not really sure what they'll do.
That's where we are - waiting on the doctors to come in.
Mom is still kinda out of it. Whatever they gave her yesterday to counteract the 'crazy' pill is working well, too well maybe. I don't know.
Please pray that they'll have wisdom as to what steps to take next.
They tried 2 different nausea medicines that typically work for her, but since neither was working, they went to a third one. That was bad news. She ended up having a reaction that only 0.1 or 1% of people get. There's a name for what her reaction was, but I can't remember. It happened very quickly, and she wasn't herself. First she couldn't stay still. Then her body started shaking as if she was having chills, but I knew that wasn't it because the shakes turned into spasms. Her heart rate increased, her muscles were really stiff and then she started acting confused. Pretty soon she just wasn't herself. Let me just say that it was a pretty intense couple of hours for me. I was trying to figure out what was going on along with the doctors...and it just wasn't the most pleasant time in the world.
When they finally figured out what had happened, they gave her something to counteract it. After a bit, she started sleeping and slept very soundly. She's still sleeping soundly. She's woken up only to use the facilities. I'm also trying to wake her up to drink something every 15 or 20 minutes and to try to eat a bite of breakfast. That's one of my main concerns right now - her weight. From the vomiting and not having really eaten in a couple of days, she's down to 87 lbs. I'm wondering if they'll put her on TPN for a few days...I'm not really sure what they'll do.
That's where we are - waiting on the doctors to come in.
Mom is still kinda out of it. Whatever they gave her yesterday to counteract the 'crazy' pill is working well, too well maybe. I don't know.
Please pray that they'll have wisdom as to what steps to take next.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Attack of the Crazy Ants
My drama today - killer ants. So this morning when my mom & I opened the doors to her car to drive to her office, the crazy ants were EVERYWHERE - inside and outside the car. I haven't mentioned these crazy ants, but they really are crazy. They're these little ants that look like fire ants (but aren't), and they run around like little crazies. Seriously. So we went to the car wash, washed and vacuumed the car, and after sweating profusely, went back to her house to get cleaned up and get the rest of our stuff. By the time we got back outside and opened the car doors again, the ants were back at it again, and this time they were even worse. So I haven't really researched them, but I did find this article on them. Apparently they're taking over the Houston area. Awesome. Oh, at the end of the article, a couple of people comment on it, and one says this, "I can't believe 'Ants' are the headline story for the 4th largest city in the country. Must be a slow news day." This ignorant person has no idea. None.
My issue today - cowards. So really, if you have an issue with me, just tell me straight to my face. Telling other people about it and having them tell me is a pretty cowardly way to deal with it. I now see that Jesus was onto something when He talked about how to deal with confrontation. He doesn't want us to grow up to be complete cowards. :) Okay, and this actually had nothing to do with me, but for others' sakes, I just threw that out there.
My sadness - two days ago an accomplished jazz musician who is dear to my heart passed unexpectedly. We will miss you and what you brought to us. You make me want to "stay...for a while."
My issue today - cowards. So really, if you have an issue with me, just tell me straight to my face. Telling other people about it and having them tell me is a pretty cowardly way to deal with it. I now see that Jesus was onto something when He talked about how to deal with confrontation. He doesn't want us to grow up to be complete cowards. :) Okay, and this actually had nothing to do with me, but for others' sakes, I just threw that out there.
My sadness - two days ago an accomplished jazz musician who is dear to my heart passed unexpectedly. We will miss you and what you brought to us. You make me want to "stay...for a while."
Friday, August 15, 2008
Pretty Much
I heard someone say once that there is no such thing as “Christian’ music. She was substituting for a regular teacher at the Bible institute I attended, and this statement went against the grain and culture of the school. I remember completely agreeing with her.
I repeated that statement to a friend a couple of years later. At first I just said it. He didn’t agree. Then I told him who said that, and he said he would think about it.
I don’t necessarily like labeling things as ‘Christian’ because to me it can be a dangerous practice.
I’ll be point blank.
I don’t like labeling myself as a ‘Christian’ necessarily because there are people who have been terribly hurt physically, emotionally, and in every way known to us by other people who called themselves Christians (this could very well lead into yet another discussion about how Christians are people too and make mistakes and won’t be perfect, yada, yada. I know that. I do understand that). Here’s the thing – that word means different things to different people.
I know a family who call themselves Christians yet choose to ignore one of their children while doting on the others (what I mean by ignore is that the ignored child they only see once maybe twice a year because the parents don’t want to deal with the issue at hand). So to this child, the term ‘Christian’ paints a bad picture. A picture of abandonment, rejection, guilt, and all kinds of stuff.
A little bow that is beaten up by his father or was yelled at (like Simon Birch) by a Sunday school teacher, both of whom considered themselves Christians, could have a very bad a opinion of anyone who calls himself a Christian.
People can make ‘Christian’ movies that can be terrible because the production and whatever else wasn’t done well. The same is true of music and pretty much everything else.
I’m not just aa Christian wife. My friends aren’t just Christian mothers, singers, or writers, friends. I’m a wife, a daughter, a sister. They are mothers, bosses, teachers, actors, UPS drivers, and everything else. They are my family, and they are my friends. We live passionately to love. Some of us know God and love Him. Others don’t.
Let me tell you this – I’ve had many spiritual experiences outside of church, ‘Christian’ music, Christian school and even outside of ‘Christian’ people. I’ve had spiritual, God-experiences at what the ‘church’ (and church is yet for one more blog) would call ‘secular’ concerts.
Church people say all the time, “…if God can use a donkey, He can use anyone.” I don’t think many people really believe that because God-forbid transformation taking place in my heart when in conversation ‘non-believers.’ God forbid I find worship in Him when listening to a song by someone not proclaiming to be the “C” word. That’s devil music! (*Susy rolls eyes*)
Rob Bell says this, “A Christian political group puts me in an awkward position: What if I disagree with them? Am I less of a Christian? What if I am convinced the ‘Christian’ thing to do is to vote the exact opposite?” I agree with him there. Awkward position.
Someone I dearly love often will say to me, “I want to do something spiritual, something for God, ministry.” What he doesn’t realize is that he does it every single day. He takes care of the family God has given Him. He goes to work to provide for them and spends time with them. He loves and serves them. Serving. That’s pretty much as spiritual as it can get. His job as a father isn’t secular; it’s sacred.
God is omniscient. God is everywhere. He’s in the slums. He’s in my home. To say that He’s not at a place outside of anyone’s man-made box is denying He can bring order to whatever or wherever chaos may be. He’s there; people just may not see Him. It’s up to me to make Him seen and known. It’s up to us to point Him out where He can’t be seen.
(Note: this is not to say that things can’t be corrupted and used for not-good purposes.)
An author pointed out this concept in one of his books by saying that when it comes to missions, we’ve sometimes got it wrong. We say things like, “We’re taking Jesus to Timbuktu…” Jesus is already there.
God is the creator of all and even said that He’d reveal Himself somehow to everyone. People have come to know Him by observing the magnificence of his indescribable creation. They may never have heard of His name in the depths of nowhere, Timbuktu, but that doesn’t negate the fact that they can come to believe in Him through His creation. (I know, I know. I’m gonna get all kinds of emails about blah, blah blah. And that I’m becoming new-age or hippie or something.)
Back to my point. I think the issue lies in our boxes. I do it all the time – I try to place God in this box and allow Him to operate only within it. Anything outside of that is ‘secular,’ not of Him. (I say ‘try to’ because really He just doesn’t fit in it.)
But I don’t believe that’s right. For years I’ve been trying to learn from the example of my husband not to place God in my box. The more I let God out of my box, the freer (more free) I am to be and do what I’m created to be and do. It’s funny – I let Him out of the box, but I’m the one who’s free. Is that what they would say is ironic?
I repeated that statement to a friend a couple of years later. At first I just said it. He didn’t agree. Then I told him who said that, and he said he would think about it.
I don’t necessarily like labeling things as ‘Christian’ because to me it can be a dangerous practice.
I’ll be point blank.
I don’t like labeling myself as a ‘Christian’ necessarily because there are people who have been terribly hurt physically, emotionally, and in every way known to us by other people who called themselves Christians (this could very well lead into yet another discussion about how Christians are people too and make mistakes and won’t be perfect, yada, yada. I know that. I do understand that). Here’s the thing – that word means different things to different people.
I know a family who call themselves Christians yet choose to ignore one of their children while doting on the others (what I mean by ignore is that the ignored child they only see once maybe twice a year because the parents don’t want to deal with the issue at hand). So to this child, the term ‘Christian’ paints a bad picture. A picture of abandonment, rejection, guilt, and all kinds of stuff.
A little bow that is beaten up by his father or was yelled at (like Simon Birch) by a Sunday school teacher, both of whom considered themselves Christians, could have a very bad a opinion of anyone who calls himself a Christian.
People can make ‘Christian’ movies that can be terrible because the production and whatever else wasn’t done well. The same is true of music and pretty much everything else.
I’m not just aa Christian wife. My friends aren’t just Christian mothers, singers, or writers, friends. I’m a wife, a daughter, a sister. They are mothers, bosses, teachers, actors, UPS drivers, and everything else. They are my family, and they are my friends. We live passionately to love. Some of us know God and love Him. Others don’t.
Let me tell you this – I’ve had many spiritual experiences outside of church, ‘Christian’ music, Christian school and even outside of ‘Christian’ people. I’ve had spiritual, God-experiences at what the ‘church’ (and church is yet for one more blog) would call ‘secular’ concerts.
Church people say all the time, “…if God can use a donkey, He can use anyone.” I don’t think many people really believe that because God-forbid transformation taking place in my heart when in conversation ‘non-believers.’ God forbid I find worship in Him when listening to a song by someone not proclaiming to be the “C” word. That’s devil music! (*Susy rolls eyes*)
Rob Bell says this, “A Christian political group puts me in an awkward position: What if I disagree with them? Am I less of a Christian? What if I am convinced the ‘Christian’ thing to do is to vote the exact opposite?” I agree with him there. Awkward position.
Someone I dearly love often will say to me, “I want to do something spiritual, something for God, ministry.” What he doesn’t realize is that he does it every single day. He takes care of the family God has given Him. He goes to work to provide for them and spends time with them. He loves and serves them. Serving. That’s pretty much as spiritual as it can get. His job as a father isn’t secular; it’s sacred.
God is omniscient. God is everywhere. He’s in the slums. He’s in my home. To say that He’s not at a place outside of anyone’s man-made box is denying He can bring order to whatever or wherever chaos may be. He’s there; people just may not see Him. It’s up to me to make Him seen and known. It’s up to us to point Him out where He can’t be seen.
(Note: this is not to say that things can’t be corrupted and used for not-good purposes.)
An author pointed out this concept in one of his books by saying that when it comes to missions, we’ve sometimes got it wrong. We say things like, “We’re taking Jesus to Timbuktu…” Jesus is already there.
God is the creator of all and even said that He’d reveal Himself somehow to everyone. People have come to know Him by observing the magnificence of his indescribable creation. They may never have heard of His name in the depths of nowhere, Timbuktu, but that doesn’t negate the fact that they can come to believe in Him through His creation. (I know, I know. I’m gonna get all kinds of emails about blah, blah blah. And that I’m becoming new-age or hippie or something.)
Back to my point. I think the issue lies in our boxes. I do it all the time – I try to place God in this box and allow Him to operate only within it. Anything outside of that is ‘secular,’ not of Him. (I say ‘try to’ because really He just doesn’t fit in it.)
But I don’t believe that’s right. For years I’ve been trying to learn from the example of my husband not to place God in my box. The more I let God out of my box, the freer (more free) I am to be and do what I’m created to be and do. It’s funny – I let Him out of the box, but I’m the one who’s free. Is that what they would say is ironic?
FUNK
Things very often smell funky to me. My mom says that when I was a little girl, I would walk around with my nose scrunched up, and if something bothered my sense of smell, I would freak. That was my heightened sense. I still get grossed out by rank smells, but I’ve ignored one for too long – my own smell.
It’s not because I use the natural crystal deodorant. I’m talking about me – the stench of sin that runs rampant within me.
Sometimes it takes a funk time for me to come back to the real reality. Sometimes I have to get away because there are way too many distractions that pull my attention away from where it should be.
The idea of cool is disgusting to me. I hate it just as much as I hate cancer. And I hate it even more because it leeches on to insecure people like me because I’m sure I have 972 undealt-with issues.
I hate that within the American culture there’s this thing about being cool or being uncool. You either have it or you don’t. We can try to pretend and say that it’s not within the ‘Christian’ circles, but we’d all be big fat liars. It’s there, and it’s disgusting. It’s everywhere. I get caught up in the hype too, and when I pull myself away and evaluate my own behavior, I get sick. It smells.
I remember moving back and forth from one place to the other when I was younger and particularly in middle school. In 7th grade I finally got fed up with eating with the nerds, so I changed everything about myself that I could and tip-toed my way in with the cool crowd. Pretty soon I made the cheer squad in one school (but not even into the squad another because I was knew and everything was based on popularity), I was elected to be the captain. I was now ‘in.’ What a joke.
My glory days ended there when we moved away. I ‘found’ Jesus in the new place and thought things would be different with that crowd. I mean those were the people that never gossiped and accepted everyone for who they were, right? It appeared that way at first, but I soon learned differently. Things weren’t very different at all. I didn’t know the ‘Christian’ lingo, and that made me very uncool. I didn’t know the cool ‘Christian’ bands (and when I learned them, I didn’t care for many of them), and that made me really uncool. I couldn’t afford to wear the fashionable clothes, and that made me uber uncool.
I laugh now. I bring all of that up not because I hang on to it in a bitter kind of way. I hang on to it so that I won’t do that to people. I should be way too old to even care about that stuff, but you know what? When I look around and think about college or even post-college experiences, I’ve been that person. I have at times been too cool to hang out with such and such. That’s pretty sad. It’s selfish, prideful, immature, and all those other dirty things.
I may not have always done it directly, but I didn’t stop it when I saw it happening and had the power to say something.
Spending money for pointless social reasons and on fashion is the most uncool thing ever. It’s selfish and wrong and shows where our beliefs are. What I mean is that if we believe that we are supposed to give back and change the world somehow, we would do something about it. Talking about it does nothing.
I knew a dude that believed what Jesus taught about the poor and the hungry. He used to feed the homeless and would hang out with them. I talked about it and even offered to help, but how many times was I out there? Yeah.
I was too busy trying to move up the corporate ladder for what? Money, prestige. What? I didn’t believe all of Jesus teachings because if I did, I don’t think I would’ve been able to spend as much as I did on a pair of heels, a pair of jeans, or as much time doing pointless things.
A friend of mine recently said that we should do away with the Olympics just once. The billions of dollars could be used to end starvation in at least 5 cities right? Something like that. I love the Olympics. Unfortunately, I recently read an article about how up to 80% of Olympic runners dope (not to mention every other sport). I was completely disappointed with the figures…but that’s for another blog. In spite of that, I still love the Olympics and don’t believe we should punish the crazy efforts athletes put into the endless training (even if some or most are doping). I’m sure we could cut away some of the $$, but don’t cancel the games altogether. Many of the athletes do quite a bit for humanitarian causes.
My friend has a great point, though. What I do believe we should look at is us, more specifically the American culture. How about the celebrity awards shows that spend millions on their shows and extravagant parties. Not to mention the ‘goodie purses’ they receive that are worth like $50,000+. Are you kidding me? These are the people who can afford that stuff. It’s ridiculous.
There are people who are actually doing something, and that’s God. What I mean is that we think we have to say a specific prayer to know God. I was taught that. (I was always scared on mission trips that I was going to forget one part of the prayer someone was supposed to repeat after me and that they wouldn’t really experience salvation.) Again, are you kidding me? God is not in rituals taught by man. God IS in what the Bible says is pure religion – to visit orphans and widows and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
I’m glad that there are people taking that seriously. I want to be one of them. And I’m not saying that I believe that just because someone is a do-gooder that they know God. They may, they may not. Just like you and I may or may not.
God is not in our attempts at cool music or cool fashion. God is not in our aims of cool churches with cool music, a cool youth group and cool people. Why? Because it’s not truth. All of those things are “Satan’s tools to get people to be passionate about…meaningless…things” and worthless idols (Donald Miller).
God is in feeding the hungry, taking care of the widow and the orphan…whether it is done by a ‘Christian’ or not. (The whole labeling things ‘Christian’ and why I don’t do labels is for another blog).
So why all this today?
Because I need to change. I need to get back to that place of really believing what Jesus taught.
And by the way, I consider so many things uber cool in the nerdiest way because I’m the biggest nerd ever. And I love it.
It’s not because I use the natural crystal deodorant. I’m talking about me – the stench of sin that runs rampant within me.
Sometimes it takes a funk time for me to come back to the real reality. Sometimes I have to get away because there are way too many distractions that pull my attention away from where it should be.
The idea of cool is disgusting to me. I hate it just as much as I hate cancer. And I hate it even more because it leeches on to insecure people like me because I’m sure I have 972 undealt-with issues.
I hate that within the American culture there’s this thing about being cool or being uncool. You either have it or you don’t. We can try to pretend and say that it’s not within the ‘Christian’ circles, but we’d all be big fat liars. It’s there, and it’s disgusting. It’s everywhere. I get caught up in the hype too, and when I pull myself away and evaluate my own behavior, I get sick. It smells.
I remember moving back and forth from one place to the other when I was younger and particularly in middle school. In 7th grade I finally got fed up with eating with the nerds, so I changed everything about myself that I could and tip-toed my way in with the cool crowd. Pretty soon I made the cheer squad in one school (but not even into the squad another because I was knew and everything was based on popularity), I was elected to be the captain. I was now ‘in.’ What a joke.
My glory days ended there when we moved away. I ‘found’ Jesus in the new place and thought things would be different with that crowd. I mean those were the people that never gossiped and accepted everyone for who they were, right? It appeared that way at first, but I soon learned differently. Things weren’t very different at all. I didn’t know the ‘Christian’ lingo, and that made me very uncool. I didn’t know the cool ‘Christian’ bands (and when I learned them, I didn’t care for many of them), and that made me really uncool. I couldn’t afford to wear the fashionable clothes, and that made me uber uncool.
I laugh now. I bring all of that up not because I hang on to it in a bitter kind of way. I hang on to it so that I won’t do that to people. I should be way too old to even care about that stuff, but you know what? When I look around and think about college or even post-college experiences, I’ve been that person. I have at times been too cool to hang out with such and such. That’s pretty sad. It’s selfish, prideful, immature, and all those other dirty things.
I may not have always done it directly, but I didn’t stop it when I saw it happening and had the power to say something.
Spending money for pointless social reasons and on fashion is the most uncool thing ever. It’s selfish and wrong and shows where our beliefs are. What I mean is that if we believe that we are supposed to give back and change the world somehow, we would do something about it. Talking about it does nothing.
I knew a dude that believed what Jesus taught about the poor and the hungry. He used to feed the homeless and would hang out with them. I talked about it and even offered to help, but how many times was I out there? Yeah.
I was too busy trying to move up the corporate ladder for what? Money, prestige. What? I didn’t believe all of Jesus teachings because if I did, I don’t think I would’ve been able to spend as much as I did on a pair of heels, a pair of jeans, or as much time doing pointless things.
A friend of mine recently said that we should do away with the Olympics just once. The billions of dollars could be used to end starvation in at least 5 cities right? Something like that. I love the Olympics. Unfortunately, I recently read an article about how up to 80% of Olympic runners dope (not to mention every other sport). I was completely disappointed with the figures…but that’s for another blog. In spite of that, I still love the Olympics and don’t believe we should punish the crazy efforts athletes put into the endless training (even if some or most are doping). I’m sure we could cut away some of the $$, but don’t cancel the games altogether. Many of the athletes do quite a bit for humanitarian causes.
My friend has a great point, though. What I do believe we should look at is us, more specifically the American culture. How about the celebrity awards shows that spend millions on their shows and extravagant parties. Not to mention the ‘goodie purses’ they receive that are worth like $50,000+. Are you kidding me? These are the people who can afford that stuff. It’s ridiculous.
There are people who are actually doing something, and that’s God. What I mean is that we think we have to say a specific prayer to know God. I was taught that. (I was always scared on mission trips that I was going to forget one part of the prayer someone was supposed to repeat after me and that they wouldn’t really experience salvation.) Again, are you kidding me? God is not in rituals taught by man. God IS in what the Bible says is pure religion – to visit orphans and widows and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
I’m glad that there are people taking that seriously. I want to be one of them. And I’m not saying that I believe that just because someone is a do-gooder that they know God. They may, they may not. Just like you and I may or may not.
God is not in our attempts at cool music or cool fashion. God is not in our aims of cool churches with cool music, a cool youth group and cool people. Why? Because it’s not truth. All of those things are “Satan’s tools to get people to be passionate about…meaningless…things” and worthless idols (Donald Miller).
God is in feeding the hungry, taking care of the widow and the orphan…whether it is done by a ‘Christian’ or not. (The whole labeling things ‘Christian’ and why I don’t do labels is for another blog).
So why all this today?
Because I need to change. I need to get back to that place of really believing what Jesus taught.
And by the way, I consider so many things uber cool in the nerdiest way because I’m the biggest nerd ever. And I love it.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Been Up To
So my mom is at the halfway mark with her chemo. This past weekend she completed the fourth treatment. I hate cancer.
The weekend was like the other chemo weekends - Friday she was okay, she mostly slept on Saturday, she felt pretty yuck on Sunday, and Monday she felt bad. Tuesday she was better, but still not well. She insisted on going to her office anyway. She's been tired, tired, tired.
She spoke to her doctor's PA yesterday, and they may actually stop the chemo. We'll see what they have to say next week.
My niece has been with us for almost 2 weeks, so I haven't taken the time to blog or anything. This is what we've been doing...
Day one at beach
Day two (also the day after Edouard so the waves were crazy high...swimming in this is NOT something you should try at home with tha kids)
Our spot
and the castle that took FOREVER to complete
The weekend was like the other chemo weekends - Friday she was okay, she mostly slept on Saturday, she felt pretty yuck on Sunday, and Monday she felt bad. Tuesday she was better, but still not well. She insisted on going to her office anyway. She's been tired, tired, tired.
She spoke to her doctor's PA yesterday, and they may actually stop the chemo. We'll see what they have to say next week.
My niece has been with us for almost 2 weeks, so I haven't taken the time to blog or anything. This is what we've been doing...
Day one at beach
Day two (also the day after Edouard so the waves were crazy high...swimming in this is NOT something you should try at home with tha kids)
Our spot
and the castle that took FOREVER to complete
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Complicated
So I sometimes write about pink cupcakes, crazy drivers, and my petty little annoyances. That’s not what this is about.
Today I was having a conversation with a lady, and my heart broke. I was pretty angry at first, then upset, and now just broken.
She shared with me how hurt she was about her daughter’s situation. She had her daughter out of wedlock when she was still pretty young. She and the guy tried to work it out for years, but they ended their relationship when her daughter was still under 5. He ended up getting married and having a few other kids. She said she was actually impressed with how friendly, kind and gracious the new step-mother appeared to be with this little girl.
Then their new kids came, and things changed. At first it was somewhat subtle, but it’s gotten pretty bad. So bad that the dad only calls his first daughter a couple of times a year…maybe her birthday and maybe Christmas. Naturally, this little girl is more and more uncomfortable spending time with the dad and his new family because she feels like an outsider. They have family jokes, family this and that, and she doesn’t feel a part of it. More and more she feels like an outsider, and now she’s beginning to get resentful. This little girl cried and cried when she found out that her father and family had been in her area…many times and had not gone to see her or even called her. She’s involved in a lot of school activities and has never had her father attend any of those. This lady was pretty upset because she’d recently received a call from the father saying he wanted to pick up the little girl, but he never showed up, and he never called.
My heart breaks for this lady, and it breaks for this little girl. Is it wrong to expect more out of this dad? I don’t know. We have false expectations of people all the time, but for this moment I'd just like the permission to be upset on her behalf. I'd like permission to expect a little more out of the dad.
It breaks my heart that kids have to grow up without one of their parents in the home because of divorce. All of the trauma that can come with that is enough to drive a kid crazy. Then you add on to it step-parents and step-siblings and things immediately get more complicated. That's just how it is - complicated. What gets really complicated is when the kids see less and less of the one parent for whatever reason - distance, ...or whatever, the relationship gets strained. All of it can be sooooo very complicated.
What gets me about this situation is that this kid is expected to act like a mature adult. What I mean is that at some point in the past couple of years, her mom got a call from the dad asking her (the mom) to help because the daughter was becoming jealous of the father's other kids with step-mom. So then if the kid is expected to act like an adult, we can expect the father to act like one too, right? (Yes, this stuff upsets me.)
What really gets to me is how it is that a parent can forget his (or her. I'm using the masculine here only because it's easier, not as the stereotype) child. Can someone really do that - forget about his own child, his own flesh and blood? It sounds silly to say it that way, but I'm trying to imagine it. I'm not a parent, so I can't imagine how difficult some circumstances can be when faced with a tragic separation that involves children. But I really can't understand how a parent can forget his own. Maybe he doesn't forget, but it becomes so complicated that he tries to ignore.
I'm not saying I'm beyond it and that I would never do that. I only hope and pray to God that I wouldn't. I'm human, though, and so is this little girl's father. I'm not excusing anything that he is or isn't doing. I just don't know that there are quick fixes to these situations. Not one of us is perfect, and this only goes to show the consequences of sin. This is what sin does. It robs us of what could be. It destroys marriages, relationships, and families. Sin messes everything up.
When I was listening to this mother tell about her situation, I got mad at first. Mad at the father, mad at the step-parent, mad at the entire thing. (I know there are 2 or more sides to everything, and this is really none of my business.) Then I remembered that 'our struggle is not against flesh and blood...' My response should be love, not only towards this little girl and her mom, but also for the father (although I may not even encounter these people). Hating him isn't going to do anything but harbor bitterness (again towards a situation that has nothing to do with me). Love can mean different things. Love, in some circumstances, could mean we confront with the truth. Bitterness, though, is never love, and neither is resentment.
My heart hurts for this girl who may enter her teen and adolescent years without the presence of her earthly father around. All I can do from here is pray that this would cause her to look to her heavenly Father. All I can do is pray that she not grow bitter but that through the grace of God, she might love and forgive. All I can do is pray that she see the big picture and look beyond our human fallacies to see God's sovereignty guiding her life.
Today I was having a conversation with a lady, and my heart broke. I was pretty angry at first, then upset, and now just broken.
She shared with me how hurt she was about her daughter’s situation. She had her daughter out of wedlock when she was still pretty young. She and the guy tried to work it out for years, but they ended their relationship when her daughter was still under 5. He ended up getting married and having a few other kids. She said she was actually impressed with how friendly, kind and gracious the new step-mother appeared to be with this little girl.
Then their new kids came, and things changed. At first it was somewhat subtle, but it’s gotten pretty bad. So bad that the dad only calls his first daughter a couple of times a year…maybe her birthday and maybe Christmas. Naturally, this little girl is more and more uncomfortable spending time with the dad and his new family because she feels like an outsider. They have family jokes, family this and that, and she doesn’t feel a part of it. More and more she feels like an outsider, and now she’s beginning to get resentful. This little girl cried and cried when she found out that her father and family had been in her area…many times and had not gone to see her or even called her. She’s involved in a lot of school activities and has never had her father attend any of those. This lady was pretty upset because she’d recently received a call from the father saying he wanted to pick up the little girl, but he never showed up, and he never called.
My heart breaks for this lady, and it breaks for this little girl. Is it wrong to expect more out of this dad? I don’t know. We have false expectations of people all the time, but for this moment I'd just like the permission to be upset on her behalf. I'd like permission to expect a little more out of the dad.
It breaks my heart that kids have to grow up without one of their parents in the home because of divorce. All of the trauma that can come with that is enough to drive a kid crazy. Then you add on to it step-parents and step-siblings and things immediately get more complicated. That's just how it is - complicated. What gets really complicated is when the kids see less and less of the one parent for whatever reason - distance, ...or whatever, the relationship gets strained. All of it can be sooooo very complicated.
What gets me about this situation is that this kid is expected to act like a mature adult. What I mean is that at some point in the past couple of years, her mom got a call from the dad asking her (the mom) to help because the daughter was becoming jealous of the father's other kids with step-mom. So then if the kid is expected to act like an adult, we can expect the father to act like one too, right? (Yes, this stuff upsets me.)
What really gets to me is how it is that a parent can forget his (or her. I'm using the masculine here only because it's easier, not as the stereotype) child. Can someone really do that - forget about his own child, his own flesh and blood? It sounds silly to say it that way, but I'm trying to imagine it. I'm not a parent, so I can't imagine how difficult some circumstances can be when faced with a tragic separation that involves children. But I really can't understand how a parent can forget his own. Maybe he doesn't forget, but it becomes so complicated that he tries to ignore.
I'm not saying I'm beyond it and that I would never do that. I only hope and pray to God that I wouldn't. I'm human, though, and so is this little girl's father. I'm not excusing anything that he is or isn't doing. I just don't know that there are quick fixes to these situations. Not one of us is perfect, and this only goes to show the consequences of sin. This is what sin does. It robs us of what could be. It destroys marriages, relationships, and families. Sin messes everything up.
When I was listening to this mother tell about her situation, I got mad at first. Mad at the father, mad at the step-parent, mad at the entire thing. (I know there are 2 or more sides to everything, and this is really none of my business.) Then I remembered that 'our struggle is not against flesh and blood...' My response should be love, not only towards this little girl and her mom, but also for the father (although I may not even encounter these people). Hating him isn't going to do anything but harbor bitterness (again towards a situation that has nothing to do with me). Love can mean different things. Love, in some circumstances, could mean we confront with the truth. Bitterness, though, is never love, and neither is resentment.
My heart hurts for this girl who may enter her teen and adolescent years without the presence of her earthly father around. All I can do from here is pray that this would cause her to look to her heavenly Father. All I can do is pray that she not grow bitter but that through the grace of God, she might love and forgive. All I can do is pray that she see the big picture and look beyond our human fallacies to see God's sovereignty guiding her life.
Gossip
I should be sleeping. It's past 1 AM, and I'm supposed to drive my mom to her office tomorrow morning, which I remind myself is 45 minutes away.
I tried to sleep. Maybe it's that pink frosted cupcake on the mind. I didn't bake one today, but I did hear of a great place in Sugarland that has exactly what I'm looking for - giant cupcakes. Have I mentioned that we pass through Sugarland every time we make a trip to the hospital...which can be 2-5 times/week? Not good, folks. Not good.
Mom - she's doing much better today than Sunday or yesterday. She worked from home today, and again, tomorrow we'll head to her office.
Me - I did it. I'm embarrassed to say it because I typically could care less, but today I was weird. Today I bought a gossip magazine. Honestly, most of the time I could care less about which celebrity is going to jail, getting pregnant, or breaking up with the other celebrity because celeb #1 found out celeb #2 was having an affair with celeb #3. I don't care but will sometimes pretend to for the sake of conversation with those who do care...unless it's someone I really care about...then I care (wha?). Since I haven't been able to concentrate enough with any book to get past the first 7 lines, I figured I should try this. Well, the pictures were entertaining enough...I guess. No, you know what? This magazine actually had relevant news-worthy stories in it, and I was able to get through 2 of them. Amazing.
I was going to blog about one article, but I think I'll leave that for tomorrow. Sleepy times are finally coming.
Sweet dreams...of giant pink buttercream cupcakes...
I tried to sleep. Maybe it's that pink frosted cupcake on the mind. I didn't bake one today, but I did hear of a great place in Sugarland that has exactly what I'm looking for - giant cupcakes. Have I mentioned that we pass through Sugarland every time we make a trip to the hospital...which can be 2-5 times/week? Not good, folks. Not good.
Mom - she's doing much better today than Sunday or yesterday. She worked from home today, and again, tomorrow we'll head to her office.
Me - I did it. I'm embarrassed to say it because I typically could care less, but today I was weird. Today I bought a gossip magazine. Honestly, most of the time I could care less about which celebrity is going to jail, getting pregnant, or breaking up with the other celebrity because celeb #1 found out celeb #2 was having an affair with celeb #3. I don't care but will sometimes pretend to for the sake of conversation with those who do care...unless it's someone I really care about...then I care (wha?). Since I haven't been able to concentrate enough with any book to get past the first 7 lines, I figured I should try this. Well, the pictures were entertaining enough...I guess. No, you know what? This magazine actually had relevant news-worthy stories in it, and I was able to get through 2 of them. Amazing.
I was going to blog about one article, but I think I'll leave that for tomorrow. Sleepy times are finally coming.
Sweet dreams...of giant pink buttercream cupcakes...
Monday, July 28, 2008
Only Five More to Go
That's right - Mom only has 5 more chemo treatments to go, and she'll be finished. We did go to the hospital on Saturday but not because it was an ER visit - *sigh of relief. We went because on Friday they inserted the new line, and they had to do a follow-up check thing 24 hours later. All was good.
Mom was pretty tired most of the weekend. Usually she gets the most tired on Sunday and stays that way into Monday. By Tuesday her energy picks up, and by Wednesday she usually wants to go to her office. Well, she wants to go everyday, but I try to restrain her as much as I can...not an easy thing to do if you know her at all.
I've now been giving her daily injections...in her stomach...twice daily. A friend and I were talking about how brave cancer patients are. They have to go through all kinds of nonsense, and they just do it. I know, an injection is maybe not the biggest deal, but it is to me. My mom's arm veins are pretty much shot because of scarring from all the blood draws, IV's and whatever else. A shot in my stomach is the last thing I'd want, but she's such the trooper. Even if I hurt her while I'm poking her, she just pretends it's okay.
I must confess something. I used to take pride in eating well. When I say eating well, I mean I was pretty much a fanatic at one point. It wasn't just about eating salads. I went all organic from food to cleaning products and was going towards clothing (hadn't quite gotten there yet). And it wasn't just about organic, it was about...I can't even begin.
When you start reading about what's really healthy, you realize that the television commercials are all lying. You realize that it's all about money for the FDA, pharmaceutical industry, politicians, and food companies. They try to make us believe that fat is bad, cholesterol is bad, and butter is bad. They try to make us believe that homogenized & pasteurized dairy products are good, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is good and wheat bread is good. They also try to make us believe that their drugs are the only cures for diseases. Did you know that it's illegal to say that anything natural is a cure for a disease/sickness because it's not a drug? Do you know why? It's all about the money. Don't get me wrong. I believe there's a place in this world for doctors and drugs. Hello! I'm kinda in the middle of all that right now. Yes, I believe there's a place for them, BUT I don't and will never believe that they are the answer to diseases. I believe in nutrition, prevention and most of all JESUS.
But I digress. I wasn't even trying to go there tonight; I just tend to rabbit trail when I'm really passionate about something...or just because. I just rabbit trail (here I go again). I was going here - I was going to confess to you my terrible, awful, and getting-worse-by-the-day eating habits. Now, I do try to avoid salads and raw vegetables in front of my mom. She loves them but can't eat much of them until her ileostomy is reversed. How cruel would I be to tempt her with a plate full of veggies all the time?
That, however, doesn't mean I need to succumb to chips and sugar-laden juices. That's right - I'm eating chips, sugary juices, and I'm craving cupcakes. There was a time in my life when sugar, hydrogenated oils, and white flour did not fit my lifestyle. I would only consume them on a very rare basis and that was only because I live(d) with a man who will never give up brownies.
Since all this started, I've developed some really frustrating habits. I eat chips. It's not like I'm eating them just because they're around. No, I'm the one who choose to purchase them. I crave BBQ and Sour Cream & Onion Lays or something like that, and so instead of controlling the urge, I guiltily hand the money over to the clerk and try not to think about it beyond that exchange. Oh, but I can't have chips without something flavorful to drink along with them. You think I would at least try do drink the impurities away with water, but no, I can't do that. I HAVE TO drink cranberry juice or, on the rare occasion, a soda with those chips. Cranberry juice isn't that bad, though, right? lol. Nah, it's only doused with sugar and HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP and all kinds of artificial gunk.
I've also been eating more fast food than ever in my entire life all put together. There again is the white flour, the disgusting hamburger patties, and yes, FRENCH FRIES. I can just see my arteries falling apart. I can see what it does to my body. I can FEEL what this stuff does to my body, and I DON'T LIKE IT.
But will I do anything about it? Well, I don't know. At this point in my life, I can only do certain things. The question I should ask myself is 'will I do what I can?' Hmmm...
Why do I tell you this? Maybe because I won't feel as guilty about it. Maybe because it's 11:59 PM, and this is how I get when it starts to get late. Maybe just because. Whatever the reason, I just thought you should know that I've been craving cupcakes with pink buttercream icing. I haven't caved yet, but I'm planning to tomorrow. So is that really caving if I'm planning to ahead of time?
Mom was pretty tired most of the weekend. Usually she gets the most tired on Sunday and stays that way into Monday. By Tuesday her energy picks up, and by Wednesday she usually wants to go to her office. Well, she wants to go everyday, but I try to restrain her as much as I can...not an easy thing to do if you know her at all.
I've now been giving her daily injections...in her stomach...twice daily. A friend and I were talking about how brave cancer patients are. They have to go through all kinds of nonsense, and they just do it. I know, an injection is maybe not the biggest deal, but it is to me. My mom's arm veins are pretty much shot because of scarring from all the blood draws, IV's and whatever else. A shot in my stomach is the last thing I'd want, but she's such the trooper. Even if I hurt her while I'm poking her, she just pretends it's okay.
I must confess something. I used to take pride in eating well. When I say eating well, I mean I was pretty much a fanatic at one point. It wasn't just about eating salads. I went all organic from food to cleaning products and was going towards clothing (hadn't quite gotten there yet). And it wasn't just about organic, it was about...I can't even begin.
When you start reading about what's really healthy, you realize that the television commercials are all lying. You realize that it's all about money for the FDA, pharmaceutical industry, politicians, and food companies. They try to make us believe that fat is bad, cholesterol is bad, and butter is bad. They try to make us believe that homogenized & pasteurized dairy products are good, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter is good and wheat bread is good. They also try to make us believe that their drugs are the only cures for diseases. Did you know that it's illegal to say that anything natural is a cure for a disease/sickness because it's not a drug? Do you know why? It's all about the money. Don't get me wrong. I believe there's a place in this world for doctors and drugs. Hello! I'm kinda in the middle of all that right now. Yes, I believe there's a place for them, BUT I don't and will never believe that they are the answer to diseases. I believe in nutrition, prevention and most of all JESUS.
But I digress. I wasn't even trying to go there tonight; I just tend to rabbit trail when I'm really passionate about something...or just because. I just rabbit trail (here I go again). I was going here - I was going to confess to you my terrible, awful, and getting-worse-by-the-day eating habits. Now, I do try to avoid salads and raw vegetables in front of my mom. She loves them but can't eat much of them until her ileostomy is reversed. How cruel would I be to tempt her with a plate full of veggies all the time?
That, however, doesn't mean I need to succumb to chips and sugar-laden juices. That's right - I'm eating chips, sugary juices, and I'm craving cupcakes. There was a time in my life when sugar, hydrogenated oils, and white flour did not fit my lifestyle. I would only consume them on a very rare basis and that was only because I live(d) with a man who will never give up brownies.
Since all this started, I've developed some really frustrating habits. I eat chips. It's not like I'm eating them just because they're around. No, I'm the one who choose to purchase them. I crave BBQ and Sour Cream & Onion Lays or something like that, and so instead of controlling the urge, I guiltily hand the money over to the clerk and try not to think about it beyond that exchange. Oh, but I can't have chips without something flavorful to drink along with them. You think I would at least try do drink the impurities away with water, but no, I can't do that. I HAVE TO drink cranberry juice or, on the rare occasion, a soda with those chips. Cranberry juice isn't that bad, though, right? lol. Nah, it's only doused with sugar and HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP and all kinds of artificial gunk.
I've also been eating more fast food than ever in my entire life all put together. There again is the white flour, the disgusting hamburger patties, and yes, FRENCH FRIES. I can just see my arteries falling apart. I can see what it does to my body. I can FEEL what this stuff does to my body, and I DON'T LIKE IT.
But will I do anything about it? Well, I don't know. At this point in my life, I can only do certain things. The question I should ask myself is 'will I do what I can?' Hmmm...
Why do I tell you this? Maybe because I won't feel as guilty about it. Maybe because it's 11:59 PM, and this is how I get when it starts to get late. Maybe just because. Whatever the reason, I just thought you should know that I've been craving cupcakes with pink buttercream icing. I haven't caved yet, but I'm planning to tomorrow. So is that really caving if I'm planning to ahead of time?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Better Days Ahead
We spent all day Yesterday (Friday) at the hospital. Our day started there at 7 a.m. and we left sometime after 7:30 p.m.
My mom had to do blood work pretty early because they had to re-insert her PICC line at 7:30. That whole thing isn't just the actual procedure, but it also involves x-rays to be certain the line was placed correctly, this floor, that floor, etc. Then there was the doc appt and this and that. She was supposed to begin the chemo around 3:30, but it was closer to 5 when they got her hooked up.
The PICC line insertion went okay, but the nurse did hit a couple of nerves, and Mom is still feeling some of the pain from it. They said that'd be normal for a few days.
We had to go back again today just for them to check the PICC line. All is good.
Mom has done okay. The chemo just makes her really tired, and tonight she has a bit of nausea. She wanted to try church tomorrow if she wasn't feeling to bad, so we'll see how that goes.
On another health note, my mom's cousin (my second-cousin), Dana, has been doing well post-surgery. To make a very long story short, she has a heart condition that has required a heart transplant. Unfortunately, Dana hasn't been eligible for a transplant because of this and that. The doctors performed a surgery last week to place a VAD, a device that basically helps hear heart pump. Once her pulmonary numbers are better (which this device should do), she can be placed on a transplant list. This is all very simple language and a very brief explanation of the entire situation. I don't know that I even understand it all, but I know that God knows, and that's all that matters. When you think of my mom, say a lil' prayer for our cousin, Dana, as well (and the family for that matter).
There are better days ahead for many reasons. I love it when the signs of fall show themselves because it means not-so-hot days in Texas...although, that's still a bit a way. It means a change in season...it means FOOTBALL.
I LOVE, LOVE watching football, NFL or college. College is really hard for me to keep up with, though, so I haven't done well with that for several years. NFL is a bit easier, and I'm super excited that pre-season begins next month. That's a great thought. It's a great distracting thought. I really haven't kept up with ANYTHING that's happened with my beloved COLTS during the off-season, but I do know about the injuries - not good. You know, it's just not the same when they're playing without the entire team. It's not the same with Dwight Freeney isn't out there to sack Tom Brady. It won't be the same if Bob Sanders isn't around to run all over the field. And I can't say how disappointed I be if they have to play any games without the ever-so-amazing Peyton Manning.
Last year my cuz took me to my first Colts game, and I, of course, wore my entire getup. I forgot my blue & white pom-poms, but that was okay because I think the people next to me would've beat me up.
For Christmas my wonderful Nathan got me more Colts paraphernalia - even more fun.
I've been asked in the past why the obsession with the Colts. Click here to read a little more about that. And just because I'm obsessed, it doesn't mean I don't like other teams. The Cowboys are almost right up there with them. If I had my own fantasy team, I'd basically put these 2 together...along with a few other players.
Anyway, that's my musing for today.
My mom had to do blood work pretty early because they had to re-insert her PICC line at 7:30. That whole thing isn't just the actual procedure, but it also involves x-rays to be certain the line was placed correctly, this floor, that floor, etc. Then there was the doc appt and this and that. She was supposed to begin the chemo around 3:30, but it was closer to 5 when they got her hooked up.
The PICC line insertion went okay, but the nurse did hit a couple of nerves, and Mom is still feeling some of the pain from it. They said that'd be normal for a few days.
We had to go back again today just for them to check the PICC line. All is good.
Mom has done okay. The chemo just makes her really tired, and tonight she has a bit of nausea. She wanted to try church tomorrow if she wasn't feeling to bad, so we'll see how that goes.
On another health note, my mom's cousin (my second-cousin), Dana, has been doing well post-surgery. To make a very long story short, she has a heart condition that has required a heart transplant. Unfortunately, Dana hasn't been eligible for a transplant because of this and that. The doctors performed a surgery last week to place a VAD, a device that basically helps hear heart pump. Once her pulmonary numbers are better (which this device should do), she can be placed on a transplant list. This is all very simple language and a very brief explanation of the entire situation. I don't know that I even understand it all, but I know that God knows, and that's all that matters. When you think of my mom, say a lil' prayer for our cousin, Dana, as well (and the family for that matter).
There are better days ahead for many reasons. I love it when the signs of fall show themselves because it means not-so-hot days in Texas...although, that's still a bit a way. It means a change in season...it means FOOTBALL.
I LOVE, LOVE watching football, NFL or college. College is really hard for me to keep up with, though, so I haven't done well with that for several years. NFL is a bit easier, and I'm super excited that pre-season begins next month. That's a great thought. It's a great distracting thought. I really haven't kept up with ANYTHING that's happened with my beloved COLTS during the off-season, but I do know about the injuries - not good. You know, it's just not the same when they're playing without the entire team. It's not the same with Dwight Freeney isn't out there to sack Tom Brady. It won't be the same if Bob Sanders isn't around to run all over the field. And I can't say how disappointed I be if they have to play any games without the ever-so-amazing Peyton Manning.
Last year my cuz took me to my first Colts game, and I, of course, wore my entire getup. I forgot my blue & white pom-poms, but that was okay because I think the people next to me would've beat me up.
For Christmas my wonderful Nathan got me more Colts paraphernalia - even more fun.
I've been asked in the past why the obsession with the Colts. Click here to read a little more about that. And just because I'm obsessed, it doesn't mean I don't like other teams. The Cowboys are almost right up there with them. If I had my own fantasy team, I'd basically put these 2 together...along with a few other players.
Anyway, that's my musing for today.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
The Extraordinary Ordinary
So I took a little time today to update myself on the lives of a few fellow bloggers and friends. I came away completely inspired. No, I'm not inspired with new revelation (nothing new under the sun), nor am I inspired with original thought (dream on). Inspired because I'm surrounded by such amazing people. My life is incredibly rich because I have the privilege of sharing in the lives of people who are changing the world in extraordinary ways.
I have friends who are changing the world by investing into the little blessings (children) God has given them.
I have friends who are giving of themselves to complete strangers in foreign countries.
I have friends who are furthering their education in fields such as politics, medicine, and education to serve God in such arenas.
I have friends who serve in different facets of the local church (from cleaning to pastoring).
I have friends who are working 'whatever' jobs, saving money to go on the mission field, go to school, or start their own businesses.
I have friends working in the market=place, sometimes doing the monotonous but changing the world by the way they live their lives - day to day. They're providing for their families.
These are the kind of people I know. These are the people who inspire me because they're doing today what they're called to do today. They're doing what they're called to do in God's kingdom today. They do the ordinary extraordinarily.
God gives each of us not just a personality, but also giftings and abilities to perform whatever it is that He's called us to do. And that often changes. No, He doesn't change; but I do believe that there are seasons in life. Today you may be called to do one thing, and tomorrow, next month, or next year things could change because you're called to the next thing in YOUR life.
What I love about the people of whom I speak is that they do what they're called to do right now. Nothing more, nothing less. It doesn't mean it's easy. No, in fact, following Jesus means taking up our cross (Matt 16:24). It means suffering with Him (Rom 8). It means death to our selfish desires. However, if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts. When we spend time with Him and allow Him to work in us, mold us, change us, He places His desires within us.
That's what these people are - like David, they're after God's own heart. They pursue Him in their everyday lives rather than chase after someone else's destiny. What I'm learning from them is not to feel 'inferior' if I'm not doing what they're doing. We are each called, and at the risk of sounding terribly cliche, we each have a destiny, and today is part of it. If you're called to the mission field today, do that. If you're called to the marketplace or to your home, do that. Let's not waste time thinking about what we're not called to do. I've done that, and not only is it terribly depressing, but it's wrong. Remember, it's a season, and should it be a rather unpleasant one, remember it's only a season.
I was fascinated today by reading the great successes of just a few I know. They are successes not because of what they've accomplished or attained. No. They are successes because they are doing today what they're called to do today. Nothing more, nothing less.
What am I called to do this day?
(p.s. I'm typing this without the help of my contacts or glasses. Please forgive any crazy spelling errors. I don't, however, apologize for grammar. It's my blog, and I'll grammar it to my discretion.)
I have friends who are changing the world by investing into the little blessings (children) God has given them.
I have friends who are giving of themselves to complete strangers in foreign countries.
I have friends who are furthering their education in fields such as politics, medicine, and education to serve God in such arenas.
I have friends who serve in different facets of the local church (from cleaning to pastoring).
I have friends who are working 'whatever' jobs, saving money to go on the mission field, go to school, or start their own businesses.
I have friends working in the market=place, sometimes doing the monotonous but changing the world by the way they live their lives - day to day. They're providing for their families.
These are the kind of people I know. These are the people who inspire me because they're doing today what they're called to do today. They're doing what they're called to do in God's kingdom today. They do the ordinary extraordinarily.
God gives each of us not just a personality, but also giftings and abilities to perform whatever it is that He's called us to do. And that often changes. No, He doesn't change; but I do believe that there are seasons in life. Today you may be called to do one thing, and tomorrow, next month, or next year things could change because you're called to the next thing in YOUR life.
What I love about the people of whom I speak is that they do what they're called to do right now. Nothing more, nothing less. It doesn't mean it's easy. No, in fact, following Jesus means taking up our cross (Matt 16:24). It means suffering with Him (Rom 8). It means death to our selfish desires. However, if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts. When we spend time with Him and allow Him to work in us, mold us, change us, He places His desires within us.
That's what these people are - like David, they're after God's own heart. They pursue Him in their everyday lives rather than chase after someone else's destiny. What I'm learning from them is not to feel 'inferior' if I'm not doing what they're doing. We are each called, and at the risk of sounding terribly cliche, we each have a destiny, and today is part of it. If you're called to the mission field today, do that. If you're called to the marketplace or to your home, do that. Let's not waste time thinking about what we're not called to do. I've done that, and not only is it terribly depressing, but it's wrong. Remember, it's a season, and should it be a rather unpleasant one, remember it's only a season.
I was fascinated today by reading the great successes of just a few I know. They are successes not because of what they've accomplished or attained. No. They are successes because they are doing today what they're called to do today. Nothing more, nothing less.
What am I called to do this day?
(p.s. I'm typing this without the help of my contacts or glasses. Please forgive any crazy spelling errors. I don't, however, apologize for grammar. It's my blog, and I'll grammar it to my discretion.)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Want a Shot in Your Stomach?
Mom was released from the hospital sometime after 8 tonight, and we made it to El Campo after picking up a bite to eat and driving the hour it takes to get here. I think it was pretty close to 10.
Until we receive the injections that Mom will require on a daily basis, we'll have to make daily trips to the hospital. Hopefully that'll only be until Friday.
Since they removed her line, they'll place another one on Friday after which she'll still have to do the chemo treatment. Two down; 4 more to go. Friday will be a long day, beginning with blood work, doctor visit, catheter insertion (takes about 45 min), x-ray to make sure the line is in the right place (another 45 minutes by the time it's all over), chemo...and just the stuff in between that comes with that. Those can be long days at the hospital, so pray that Mom doesn't get completely drained from it.
You know, last night our nurse made a comment that really made me think. My mom and I were taking turns checking email, and while I was blogging or something, the nurse came into the room. She saw me on the computer and said to me, "I hope you're keeping your mom company and not just doing your own thing. She doesn't need to be ignored..." Whoah lady! The nerve, right?! No, it was fine that she said that. She made me think.
While I hope that my mom didn't feel ignored by me, it made me wonder how often it is that God is ignored by me. I know I personally have great intentions every day to spend time with Him, but there can be so many distractions that call my name that I put time with Him on the back burner. One day goes by, then two, then three. So many distractions. The thing is that some of them are really 'good' reasons to be distracted. C'mon, helping take care of someone is a pretty good reason to me.
Here's what I've come to understand over and over (if it's over and over maybe I haven't really understood it quite yet) - the way a parent wants to spend time with his child is how God longs to spend time with each of us. He doesn't just like time with us; He loves it and even longs for it.
How often do I ignore Him and break His heart for the sake of a distraction? No, sometimes unpredictable circumstances won't allow me to sit on my bed for an hour or 2 just reading, listening, praying. BUT I know that I can always pull away from whatever is taking place for just a few moments to talk to Him, to hear Him. I know I can. Whether or not I choose to do that is my choice, but He's ALWAYS ready for me. I don't think it's about quantity but quality. When I have quality time with Him and truly remain and abide in Him, quantity won't be an issue.
This is the kind of thing I was learning back when I was 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21...on and on. It's something I come back to because I guess I just forget how important it is to steal a few moments away to refresh. It's important because He longs for it and because I NEED it. That's how I live. That's my survival. Just like I go crazy without a meal or two (I really do. I'm a mess when I don't eat), I can quickly become dry without my daily bread. I can lose sight of His promises and the big picture. The promise of His grace, power, love, peace, His KINGDOM. That's the big picture - Him, His kingdom.
A song I love by one of my faves, Anthony Evans (and it's much better with the music. click here to visit his site and his music):
On the outside
You think I'm alright
There's a smile on my face
Everything's okay
But on the inside there's a different story
I've stumbled down this road
And I've got so for the go
I'm a broken man
On my knees again
Longing for a touch from you
I need you hand to
Restore me
I need your mercy
Take me
To the place I used to be
Use all the pain and the hurt
To do a greater work and
Restore me
I wore my mask
Running away from my past
Hiding all my scars
Thinking I'd gone too far
But he knew my pain
And He loved me just the same
He promised I'd be free
If I fell on my knees and cried
Restore unto me the joy of my salvation
So I'll sing again the song you wrote for me
Give me a clean heart I want a brand new start
Like the moment when I first believed
Until we receive the injections that Mom will require on a daily basis, we'll have to make daily trips to the hospital. Hopefully that'll only be until Friday.
Since they removed her line, they'll place another one on Friday after which she'll still have to do the chemo treatment. Two down; 4 more to go. Friday will be a long day, beginning with blood work, doctor visit, catheter insertion (takes about 45 min), x-ray to make sure the line is in the right place (another 45 minutes by the time it's all over), chemo...and just the stuff in between that comes with that. Those can be long days at the hospital, so pray that Mom doesn't get completely drained from it.
You know, last night our nurse made a comment that really made me think. My mom and I were taking turns checking email, and while I was blogging or something, the nurse came into the room. She saw me on the computer and said to me, "I hope you're keeping your mom company and not just doing your own thing. She doesn't need to be ignored..." Whoah lady! The nerve, right?! No, it was fine that she said that. She made me think.
While I hope that my mom didn't feel ignored by me, it made me wonder how often it is that God is ignored by me. I know I personally have great intentions every day to spend time with Him, but there can be so many distractions that call my name that I put time with Him on the back burner. One day goes by, then two, then three. So many distractions. The thing is that some of them are really 'good' reasons to be distracted. C'mon, helping take care of someone is a pretty good reason to me.
Here's what I've come to understand over and over (if it's over and over maybe I haven't really understood it quite yet) - the way a parent wants to spend time with his child is how God longs to spend time with each of us. He doesn't just like time with us; He loves it and even longs for it.
How often do I ignore Him and break His heart for the sake of a distraction? No, sometimes unpredictable circumstances won't allow me to sit on my bed for an hour or 2 just reading, listening, praying. BUT I know that I can always pull away from whatever is taking place for just a few moments to talk to Him, to hear Him. I know I can. Whether or not I choose to do that is my choice, but He's ALWAYS ready for me. I don't think it's about quantity but quality. When I have quality time with Him and truly remain and abide in Him, quantity won't be an issue.
This is the kind of thing I was learning back when I was 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21...on and on. It's something I come back to because I guess I just forget how important it is to steal a few moments away to refresh. It's important because He longs for it and because I NEED it. That's how I live. That's my survival. Just like I go crazy without a meal or two (I really do. I'm a mess when I don't eat), I can quickly become dry without my daily bread. I can lose sight of His promises and the big picture. The promise of His grace, power, love, peace, His KINGDOM. That's the big picture - Him, His kingdom.
A song I love by one of my faves, Anthony Evans (and it's much better with the music. click here to visit his site and his music):
On the outside
You think I'm alright
There's a smile on my face
Everything's okay
But on the inside there's a different story
I've stumbled down this road
And I've got so for the go
I'm a broken man
On my knees again
Longing for a touch from you
I need you hand to
Restore me
I need your mercy
Take me
To the place I used to be
Use all the pain and the hurt
To do a greater work and
Restore me
I wore my mask
Running away from my past
Hiding all my scars
Thinking I'd gone too far
But he knew my pain
And He loved me just the same
He promised I'd be free
If I fell on my knees and cried
Restore unto me the joy of my salvation
So I'll sing again the song you wrote for me
Give me a clean heart I want a brand new start
Like the moment when I first believed
Monday, July 21, 2008
The Clot, Hormones, and the Line
Mom's oncologist came in about an hour ago to give us the results from the scan and the next steps.
The CT scan showed that the main clot is in Mom's arm. A few very small clots did travel into her lungs. The stomach injections (an anticoagulant) don't necessarily help the blood to go back to normal (our bodies will dissolve these with some time), but they prevent new clots from forming. He expects the clots in her lungs will 'dissolve' within a month, but the one in her arm may take several months.
The clot(s) formed from a combination of cancer, the central line, and Mom's hormone replacement.
The plan is to release Mom today after having taught us how to give her the daily injections. We'll continue these injections even after the chemo treatments are completed. Because the injections are pretty expensive, the oncologist wants to wean Mom to a pill form. It's just more difficult to regulate the dosage that way, so they have to do even more blood work. The pill form of the anticoagulant also has some dietary limitations, so we're just going to take this one step at a time. The doctor also wants to wean Mom off of the hormone replacement completely...but that will be way later. He doesn't want to add to what we're already dealing with as it relates to the clot and chemo side effects. He said that since we can see that she may be predisposed to clots, it'd be best for her to try to get off the hormones, but that, again, in time.
A little more a little later.
Oh, and another nurse from one of Mom's prior hospital stays recognized us today. Most nurses here stay on their floors (the in-patient room floors are categorized by type of cancer or cancer location in the body) I think so that they can somewhat specialize in that type of cancer. Anyway, this nurse is kind of a mobile nurse and goes from floor to floor. Well, she had been our nurse before and even remembered my mom's condition from that hospitalization. Are we really such big pains? I think not. It must be Mom's strength and humble personality that make her truly unforgettable...in every way.
The CT scan showed that the main clot is in Mom's arm. A few very small clots did travel into her lungs. The stomach injections (an anticoagulant) don't necessarily help the blood to go back to normal (our bodies will dissolve these with some time), but they prevent new clots from forming. He expects the clots in her lungs will 'dissolve' within a month, but the one in her arm may take several months.
The clot(s) formed from a combination of cancer, the central line, and Mom's hormone replacement.
The plan is to release Mom today after having taught us how to give her the daily injections. We'll continue these injections even after the chemo treatments are completed. Because the injections are pretty expensive, the oncologist wants to wean Mom to a pill form. It's just more difficult to regulate the dosage that way, so they have to do even more blood work. The pill form of the anticoagulant also has some dietary limitations, so we're just going to take this one step at a time. The doctor also wants to wean Mom off of the hormone replacement completely...but that will be way later. He doesn't want to add to what we're already dealing with as it relates to the clot and chemo side effects. He said that since we can see that she may be predisposed to clots, it'd be best for her to try to get off the hormones, but that, again, in time.
A little more a little later.
Oh, and another nurse from one of Mom's prior hospital stays recognized us today. Most nurses here stay on their floors (the in-patient room floors are categorized by type of cancer or cancer location in the body) I think so that they can somewhat specialize in that type of cancer. Anyway, this nurse is kind of a mobile nurse and goes from floor to floor. Well, she had been our nurse before and even remembered my mom's condition from that hospitalization. Are we really such big pains? I think not. It must be Mom's strength and humble personality that make her truly unforgettable...in every way.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
The ER Nurses = Our BFFs
The past 24 hours have been kinda hilarious, and not in a funny way. Long story short, we came to the hospital because Mom woke up with a swollen and bluish right arm. We called the ER at MD, and they referred us to the infusion therapy center first. Then those people told us to just come in so they could take a look at it. Once we got here and they'd taken their look, they attempted to page Mom's oncologist, but for some reason they couldn't reach him. Eventually they just transferred us to the ER.
Between about 3:30 PM and 12 midnight, they did x-rays, a CT scan, an ultrasound on Mom's arm and chest, a new IV line because the first one wouldn't work. But then they couldn't find a vein because Mom's veins are pretty much shot from all the poking she's had the past few months. There's scar tissue in her veins, and that all takes time to heal. They finally had to get this brand new 70K+ machine and an IV team (they have teams that specialize in that here. crazy) specialist to come and find a good vein. Anyway, after it was all said and done, it was pretty late when we got to her room.
They decided it'd be best to admit her so that they could keep a close eye on the clot, so at about 12:45 a.m., we were finally brought to her room. They still had to do this and that and remove her PICC line, so it was almost 3 a.m. when we got to sleep. And then it wasn't really sleep because they came in about every hour to take vitals and do the stuff hospital people do. Yes, we're sleepy.
So far, the plan is to put Mom on blood thinners for 3-6 months. I figured they could just clear the clot, but it'll take several months for it to clear. Again, they removed the line, and tomorrow her oncologist will have to decide whether to use the other arm to to place a chest port...or something.
This is not abnormal for people with PICC or CVC lines. It's a common complication, and although they do their best to prevent these, sometimes stuff just happens. Her last line was great and problem-free. This one is a little different.
They want to release my mom tomorrow as long as the CT scan comes out with no problems.
So when we got to her room in the ER yesterday, Mom's nurse said, "Wait...I've seen y'all before. You were down the hall...room 28..." And it wasn't just she who recognized us; there were others. My mom told her we just had nothing better to do on Saturdays but to pay a visit to her ER friends.
At least this time her only discomfort was her arm. Other than that, she wasn't feeling too bad, so our time was nothing like it was in the past.
So help us pray that this clot doesn't back itself up into her chest area and that it would clear quickly quickly. Too, pray that her oncologist (and the other docs for that matter) would have wisdom in deciding what to do as it relates to a line for the chemo.
Between about 3:30 PM and 12 midnight, they did x-rays, a CT scan, an ultrasound on Mom's arm and chest, a new IV line because the first one wouldn't work. But then they couldn't find a vein because Mom's veins are pretty much shot from all the poking she's had the past few months. There's scar tissue in her veins, and that all takes time to heal. They finally had to get this brand new 70K+ machine and an IV team (they have teams that specialize in that here. crazy) specialist to come and find a good vein. Anyway, after it was all said and done, it was pretty late when we got to her room.
They decided it'd be best to admit her so that they could keep a close eye on the clot, so at about 12:45 a.m., we were finally brought to her room. They still had to do this and that and remove her PICC line, so it was almost 3 a.m. when we got to sleep. And then it wasn't really sleep because they came in about every hour to take vitals and do the stuff hospital people do. Yes, we're sleepy.
So far, the plan is to put Mom on blood thinners for 3-6 months. I figured they could just clear the clot, but it'll take several months for it to clear. Again, they removed the line, and tomorrow her oncologist will have to decide whether to use the other arm to to place a chest port...or something.
This is not abnormal for people with PICC or CVC lines. It's a common complication, and although they do their best to prevent these, sometimes stuff just happens. Her last line was great and problem-free. This one is a little different.
They want to release my mom tomorrow as long as the CT scan comes out with no problems.
So when we got to her room in the ER yesterday, Mom's nurse said, "Wait...I've seen y'all before. You were down the hall...room 28..." And it wasn't just she who recognized us; there were others. My mom told her we just had nothing better to do on Saturdays but to pay a visit to her ER friends.
At least this time her only discomfort was her arm. Other than that, she wasn't feeling too bad, so our time was nothing like it was in the past.
So help us pray that this clot doesn't back itself up into her chest area and that it would clear quickly quickly. Too, pray that her oncologist (and the other docs for that matter) would have wisdom in deciding what to do as it relates to a line for the chemo.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Frazzle-Dazzle
Tonight as I got ready for bed, I hesitated to put my things away in the bathroom cabinet. I hesitated and placed them back in the travel bags I use. In the past week, it would've helped to have those ready to just throw in a bag with a change of clothes just in case...just in case we had to rush Mom to the ER (which we did), or just in case I had to run to the LJ because my aunt was in a car accident (which did happen, and she is fine, thank Jesus). A while back I had this emergency bag ready to go. All I had to do was throw it in the car and get out. We had one for my mom as well. As I got more comfortable with her well-being, or better-being, I got lax about our emergency, overnight bags. Therefore, I haven't been prepared. I haven't been ready. We've been caught off guard, and my relaxed attitude caused us to lose a little time.
Now, I know that we can't always be ready. We will always get caught off guard at some point. Things happen unexpectedly, and we can't always be expected to have everything under control. In fact, we will NEVER have it all together...but that's for another blog.
What I was thinking about tonight was how in our walk with Jesus we can all get a bit relaxed. We can allow the craziness of life to distract us. Then if, no, when things happen unexpectedly, we get frazzled and don't know where to look. We look here and there and make sorry attempts to pull it together.
I want to abide in Him so much that no matter what unpredictability comes my way, that I can walk forward less and less tired and frustrated. Though I may get startled by so much and so many situations, God is NEVER caught by surprise. He knows. Not only does He know, but He has prepared a way through it. What is 'bad' and meant for evil, He has prepared in advance for our good. He is still sitting on His throne and fully in control whether or not it seems like He is.
'Nuff for now.
Now, I know that we can't always be ready. We will always get caught off guard at some point. Things happen unexpectedly, and we can't always be expected to have everything under control. In fact, we will NEVER have it all together...but that's for another blog.
What I was thinking about tonight was how in our walk with Jesus we can all get a bit relaxed. We can allow the craziness of life to distract us. Then if, no, when things happen unexpectedly, we get frazzled and don't know where to look. We look here and there and make sorry attempts to pull it together.
I want to abide in Him so much that no matter what unpredictability comes my way, that I can walk forward less and less tired and frustrated. Though I may get startled by so much and so many situations, God is NEVER caught by surprise. He knows. Not only does He know, but He has prepared a way through it. What is 'bad' and meant for evil, He has prepared in advance for our good. He is still sitting on His throne and fully in control whether or not it seems like He is.
'Nuff for now.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Yesterday...
...all my troubles seemed so far away. Lol. I don't mean that. I can pretty much have a song for everything. In everyday conversation, people will unconsciously say a phrase or something from a song, and they have no clue why I'll go on to say something weird. It's not really weird in my head because I'm just continuing the song. They just think I'm saying weird stuff. Wow...I bet everything I just wrote makes sense only in my head...as another song comes to mind...
Yesterday Mom felt better than Saturday, but she was still pretty yucky. Have I mentioned she has poisons running through her veins (and still another song...stop Susy!)? You know why people go crazy...I was going somewhere with that. I got sidetracked and now have no idea where I was going...so just to say yesterday wasn't so great, but today has been way better.
With all the drama going on the past few months, I've not had an opportunity to talk about this, but I've wanted to for a while. You may have noticed my bald friend, Rachel, from a blog dated June 29 (click here to read it). Rachel was one of my childhood best friends, and back in March her mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. She began treatments pretty much right away, and this Thursday will be her last one. HOW EXCITING!!! I've been wanting to mention Theresa (Rachel's mom), but I also always want to respect people's privacy when I walk about them. Everyone's battle is different when it comes to cancer, and I always want to be sensitive when it comes to stuff like this.
Today's good news - my mom is feeling much better AND Theresa gets to finish her treatments on Thursday.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Yesterday Mom felt better than Saturday, but she was still pretty yucky. Have I mentioned she has poisons running through her veins (and still another song...stop Susy!)? You know why people go crazy...I was going somewhere with that. I got sidetracked and now have no idea where I was going...so just to say yesterday wasn't so great, but today has been way better.
With all the drama going on the past few months, I've not had an opportunity to talk about this, but I've wanted to for a while. You may have noticed my bald friend, Rachel, from a blog dated June 29 (click here to read it). Rachel was one of my childhood best friends, and back in March her mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. She began treatments pretty much right away, and this Thursday will be her last one. HOW EXCITING!!! I've been wanting to mention Theresa (Rachel's mom), but I also always want to respect people's privacy when I walk about them. Everyone's battle is different when it comes to cancer, and I always want to be sensitive when it comes to stuff like this.
Today's good news - my mom is feeling much better AND Theresa gets to finish her treatments on Thursday.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
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