Ever wait for something for a really long time - a husband, children, a promise of family coming to saving faith, dreams unfulfilled? I think most of us can write books on the waiting game. Waiting. If an unjust person (the judge) will act on behalf of a persistent someone, how much more will our Father, who looks on us with compassion, act on our behalf? The thing is
Monday, September 09, 2013
Friday, September 06, 2013
Luke 17:26-27
These people were eating, drinking, marrying - all normal everyday activities. It's what makes the world go round - we work from 9-5, take our kids to school, make our houses look better, etc. There's nothing wrong in and of those things,
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Luke 17:17-19
The obvious is remembering to give thanks. We are ungrateful people who thank God only when things are 'good.' I must continue to allow Him to develop a grateful attitude in spite of circumstances. I get that. Today He spoke more to me.
Only one came back. The others were eager to get back to normal life. I mean who wouldn't be? As lepers they had to live outside the village and stand at a distance. That kind of isolation is a sure way to depression. Having been made well, of course they were eager to get back to life - back to their families, jobs, communities.
But this one guy came back to Jesus instead of back to normal. This guy came to give thanks, and Jesus' response? "Your faith has made you well." A literal translation of, "your faith has saved you." Your faith has healed you, saved you, forgiven you. He was a foreigner made well. A foreigner saved. He didn't go back to normal.
We aren't told what happened afterwards, but we can imagine (I'm a type A but still such a dreamer) the kind of transformation that took place. It's the kind that shouts stuff like, "I once was lost, but now I'm found. I was sick, but now I'm healed!" I'm sure this guy didn't keep to himself how he'd been healed, how he'd been saved, Who had set him free.
When this kind of transformation takes place in our hearts, we are eager to give thanks and tell the world.
I don't know what he was saved from exactly (except the leprosy part), but I know what I've been saved from...so let me never forget or grow tired of giving thanks. And may that transformation ring loud because I never want to go back to normal.
Only one came back. The others were eager to get back to normal life. I mean who wouldn't be? As lepers they had to live outside the village and stand at a distance. That kind of isolation is a sure way to depression. Having been made well, of course they were eager to get back to life - back to their families, jobs, communities.
But this one guy came back to Jesus instead of back to normal. This guy came to give thanks, and Jesus' response? "Your faith has made you well." A literal translation of, "your faith has saved you." Your faith has healed you, saved you, forgiven you. He was a foreigner made well. A foreigner saved. He didn't go back to normal.
We aren't told what happened afterwards, but we can imagine (I'm a type A but still such a dreamer) the kind of transformation that took place. It's the kind that shouts stuff like, "I once was lost, but now I'm found. I was sick, but now I'm healed!" I'm sure this guy didn't keep to himself how he'd been healed, how he'd been saved, Who had set him free.
When this kind of transformation takes place in our hearts, we are eager to give thanks and tell the world.
I don't know what he was saved from exactly (except the leprosy part), but I know what I've been saved from...so let me never forget or grow tired of giving thanks. And may that transformation ring loud because I never want to go back to normal.
Live Him loud.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
About Being a "Good" Mom
Speaking of motherhood...I know people mean well. I really do. I need encouragement just like everyone else, but the statement, "You're such a good mom," makes me cringe a lot every single time I hear it, especially when it's connected to something extracurricular we do for our kids. This statement sets up a standard that neither I nor anyone else can keep for longer than 13 seconds. I can have my greatest victory as a mom and then feel like a complete failure only moments later.
We are hippie types. I do weird stuff like birth babies at home, breastfeed them until they're 2, we eat weird stuff a lot, cloth diaper, make our own baby food, hardly consume processed food, and basically live a holistic lifestyle. But none of that qualifies me to be a good mom. What if I dropped all of it? Would I then be a bad mom? What about people who don't do any of that stuff? Are they bad moms and parents?
What about when our kids do super amazing stuff or show super amazing character and want to give all their stuff and money away to the kids in Africa? We say it all the time - "Great job, parents!" I get it. We want to feel like we're not doing everything wrong and totally ruining our kids. But since when do we have the power to move in their hearts to be giving, selfless and lovers of Jesus? The last time I read, Philippians says that it is GOD who works in us to WILL and act according to His good pleasure and purpose. Yes, He uses our parenting sometimes. Yes, He uses our example other time, but not one single person can change the condition of the human heart, which is evil and wicked and selfish at best. Somehow we've come to believe that their salvation is up to us and that if we do this or miss that their opportunity at salvation is ruined. Gah, that's stressful and heretical actually :). I'm so thankful our Savior doesn't depend on me for my children's salvation; salvation is of the Lord. Period.
Elyse Fitzpatrick states it so clearly, "He is the perfect Parent and this record of perfection has been transferred to you, if you have put your trust in Him." HE is the perfect Father, and I can trust in His grace to enable me to humbly train my children to live for His purposes.
We are hippie types. I do weird stuff like birth babies at home, breastfeed them until they're 2, we eat weird stuff a lot, cloth diaper, make our own baby food, hardly consume processed food, and basically live a holistic lifestyle. But none of that qualifies me to be a good mom. What if I dropped all of it? Would I then be a bad mom? What about people who don't do any of that stuff? Are they bad moms and parents?
What about when our kids do super amazing stuff or show super amazing character and want to give all their stuff and money away to the kids in Africa? We say it all the time - "Great job, parents!" I get it. We want to feel like we're not doing everything wrong and totally ruining our kids. But since when do we have the power to move in their hearts to be giving, selfless and lovers of Jesus? The last time I read, Philippians says that it is GOD who works in us to WILL and act according to His good pleasure and purpose. Yes, He uses our parenting sometimes. Yes, He uses our example other time, but not one single person can change the condition of the human heart, which is evil and wicked and selfish at best. Somehow we've come to believe that their salvation is up to us and that if we do this or miss that their opportunity at salvation is ruined. Gah, that's stressful and heretical actually :). I'm so thankful our Savior doesn't depend on me for my children's salvation; salvation is of the Lord. Period.
Elyse Fitzpatrick states it so clearly, "He is the perfect Parent and this record of perfection has been transferred to you, if you have put your trust in Him." HE is the perfect Father, and I can trust in His grace to enable me to humbly train my children to live for His purposes.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
There's absolutely too much stuff stirring in my heart not to get it out so here I am again. I had attempted blogging with my phone while I didn't have a lappy with a working keyboard, but that's just plain wasting time, and I HATE wasting time. I do too much of that as it is, and thumb blogging just was not working out for me.
We have now been in Copperas Cove, Texas for 2 months. We're about 6 miles from Ft. Hood, where we'll be for probably the next 3 or 4 years. It seems the government has lengthened the amount of time soldiers spend at their assigned duty station. Something about money. Hmmm. That's a start, but so much more I could help them with when it comes to getting out of trillions of dollars of debt. Anyway, it seems we're in a family-oriented little town. Oh, our next door neighbors - CFNI grads. Wha???? Of all the places we could live, we end up next to people who 'get' where we came from in Dallas. We haven't yet spent much time with them since our schedules are all opposite, but it's nice to know that's who is there. Across the street just moved in an elderly couple who minister to military families. Nice folk who have offered us curtains, a desk and gave us sweet potato biscuits.
Nathan deploys for a year in September. It's coming up quickly, and I'm not quite sure what that year will look like for us. I do know I'll be taking some trips to spend time with family. We plan on getting planted in a church as much as possible because that's just so vital to survival, but trips will keep us looking forward to something until Nathan returns. I know it sounds weird, but I'm glad it'll be close to the holidays. Maybe time will go by just a little faster.
So the stirrings in my heart.
Sometime ago we decided that we (our family) had to live with eternity in mind because otherwise we're just wasting precious life. God began to convict us about living for ourselves and also began burdening our hearts more and more for what the book of James says true and undefiled religion is. We don't know how exactly all of that will keep playing out in our lives, but we want our lives to count. Really count. We don't want to again get caught up in American culture - the rat race, materialism, entitlement, selfishness, pride, the now, comfort, ease...the list goes on.
We were created for God's glory and pleasure. In America it's easy to get distracted, even by 'good' things, and forget what our purpose is. God, others. Period. We've been distracted too long, and I'm among a number of women who are done with comfort. This is going to document further our journey. It started 6 years ago, was renewed further 2 years ago, and here we are now - surrendering more and more to Jesus as He uses us to bring Him glory.
We have now been in Copperas Cove, Texas for 2 months. We're about 6 miles from Ft. Hood, where we'll be for probably the next 3 or 4 years. It seems the government has lengthened the amount of time soldiers spend at their assigned duty station. Something about money. Hmmm. That's a start, but so much more I could help them with when it comes to getting out of trillions of dollars of debt. Anyway, it seems we're in a family-oriented little town. Oh, our next door neighbors - CFNI grads. Wha???? Of all the places we could live, we end up next to people who 'get' where we came from in Dallas. We haven't yet spent much time with them since our schedules are all opposite, but it's nice to know that's who is there. Across the street just moved in an elderly couple who minister to military families. Nice folk who have offered us curtains, a desk and gave us sweet potato biscuits.
Nathan deploys for a year in September. It's coming up quickly, and I'm not quite sure what that year will look like for us. I do know I'll be taking some trips to spend time with family. We plan on getting planted in a church as much as possible because that's just so vital to survival, but trips will keep us looking forward to something until Nathan returns. I know it sounds weird, but I'm glad it'll be close to the holidays. Maybe time will go by just a little faster.
So the stirrings in my heart.
Sometime ago we decided that we (our family) had to live with eternity in mind because otherwise we're just wasting precious life. God began to convict us about living for ourselves and also began burdening our hearts more and more for what the book of James says true and undefiled religion is. We don't know how exactly all of that will keep playing out in our lives, but we want our lives to count. Really count. We don't want to again get caught up in American culture - the rat race, materialism, entitlement, selfishness, pride, the now, comfort, ease...the list goes on.
We were created for God's glory and pleasure. In America it's easy to get distracted, even by 'good' things, and forget what our purpose is. God, others. Period. We've been distracted too long, and I'm among a number of women who are done with comfort. This is going to document further our journey. It started 6 years ago, was renewed further 2 years ago, and here we are now - surrendering more and more to Jesus as He uses us to bring Him glory.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Hand-Washing
Today marks exactly one year that we started this Army journey. One year that Nathan has been gone, and oh how we've missed him. Oh how we miss him now. Though the Lord's grace is sufficient, though His hand has provided peace and joy, it's hard. The year has flown by, but when I think of the 5-6 more months we have not living together, it can't go fast enough.
Someone said something to me like, "As much as y'all are used to your life, it'll never feel quite right until you're together under one roof..." I don't know that I'm 'used' to this, though. There are daily challenges that would be here regardless, but I don't know that I'd ever get used to this. We try to make this as easy as possible for the kids, mainly Xander, and because he's young and doesn't know differently, it's been ok. But each time Nathan is able to visit and gets ready to leave again, it gets harder and harder. God's grace is sufficient for each season - I believe that with all my heart. I can feel it lifting, though. Or does that happen? I don't know. Whatever it is, my heart is beyond prepared for all of us to be together again.
And I'm anticipating the challenges that will bring as well. But we decided a long time ago that we have to walk through these challenges together. That's the only way to do it. We can't allow them to come between us but must allow the Lord to work in and through us in those difficulties...to prune us, to change us, to glorify Him.
What was my challenge yesterday? Not having a working dishwasher. What? Long story, but the bottom line is dishes have to be hand-washed, and how annoying is that?! I'd much rather be throwing dishes in a dishwasher so I can spend more time engaging my children. For a while I was feeling like I was wasting soooo much time doing something so dumb. Yes, it's part of caring for my family, but it's still dumb. Well, since there's no getting around this, I figured I may as well do something useful while I hand-wash these dishes. If Xander isn't up for helping the entire time (I love that he's at that stage where washing dishes and helping is a great thing), I spend the rest of the time memorizing Scripture. I do it some with Xander because he's also at that stage in which he can memorize oodles of books, but he likes to narrate what his cars and toys are doing while we're washing dishes. Sometimes the cars are in the car wash, sometimes they're in the pool. Whatevs. It keeps him occupied, gets dishes cleaned AND gives me time with him. We're currently doing Psalm 139 - something I should have memorized a long time ago. So much I'm learning from meditating on bits and pieces at a time. And it's getting into his little heart as well. Whether he understands it or not, I'm praying it stays there so that eventually, when his mind can wrap around the meaning, it'll be right there.
So...hand-washing dishes has been a blessing to us. They don't get done when I'd like them to get done. It may take all. Day. Long to get them done, but it's become a blessing. Oh, and when we ARE in a place with a dishwasher, you bet I'm going to use it. And love it. And appreciate it more than ever in my life.
You know, back in the day, people did fine without dishwashers and 10-16 kids at home. And people do fine without them today all around the world. This is very much a first-world problem.
Someone said something to me like, "As much as y'all are used to your life, it'll never feel quite right until you're together under one roof..." I don't know that I'm 'used' to this, though. There are daily challenges that would be here regardless, but I don't know that I'd ever get used to this. We try to make this as easy as possible for the kids, mainly Xander, and because he's young and doesn't know differently, it's been ok. But each time Nathan is able to visit and gets ready to leave again, it gets harder and harder. God's grace is sufficient for each season - I believe that with all my heart. I can feel it lifting, though. Or does that happen? I don't know. Whatever it is, my heart is beyond prepared for all of us to be together again.
And I'm anticipating the challenges that will bring as well. But we decided a long time ago that we have to walk through these challenges together. That's the only way to do it. We can't allow them to come between us but must allow the Lord to work in and through us in those difficulties...to prune us, to change us, to glorify Him.
What was my challenge yesterday? Not having a working dishwasher. What? Long story, but the bottom line is dishes have to be hand-washed, and how annoying is that?! I'd much rather be throwing dishes in a dishwasher so I can spend more time engaging my children. For a while I was feeling like I was wasting soooo much time doing something so dumb. Yes, it's part of caring for my family, but it's still dumb. Well, since there's no getting around this, I figured I may as well do something useful while I hand-wash these dishes. If Xander isn't up for helping the entire time (I love that he's at that stage where washing dishes and helping is a great thing), I spend the rest of the time memorizing Scripture. I do it some with Xander because he's also at that stage in which he can memorize oodles of books, but he likes to narrate what his cars and toys are doing while we're washing dishes. Sometimes the cars are in the car wash, sometimes they're in the pool. Whatevs. It keeps him occupied, gets dishes cleaned AND gives me time with him. We're currently doing Psalm 139 - something I should have memorized a long time ago. So much I'm learning from meditating on bits and pieces at a time. And it's getting into his little heart as well. Whether he understands it or not, I'm praying it stays there so that eventually, when his mind can wrap around the meaning, it'll be right there.
So...hand-washing dishes has been a blessing to us. They don't get done when I'd like them to get done. It may take all. Day. Long to get them done, but it's become a blessing. Oh, and when we ARE in a place with a dishwasher, you bet I'm going to use it. And love it. And appreciate it more than ever in my life.
You know, back in the day, people did fine without dishwashers and 10-16 kids at home. And people do fine without them today all around the world. This is very much a first-world problem.
Friday, October 12, 2012
"How did I get myself in this situation?" Ever wonder? I've had a number of conversations with friends during the past few months that have had a very similar tone - how did I get here?
We find ourselves in the middle of a great big mess - sin usually, and we have no clue how to turn back to Jesus. It's been ages since we've really communed with Him, and we have no idea where or how to start again.
This didn't happen overnight. It didn't even happen when we made that final decision to just give in. It all started when something didn't go our way, when we got hurt or a prayer didn't get answered the right way, and we became offended with God. It was subtle, it was a little thing...or maybe not. Maybe it was a really big deal and instead of bringing it to the feet of Jesus, we allowed bitterness to take root within our hearts. Then little decisions here and there steered us away from Him. Because something didn't go our way.
I guess I ask now - since when was this walk about us? Since when was my life about me and my comfort, health, healing, marriage, happiness? Since when was God obligated to make things work out for me and my benefit? Oh, we read Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28 and think it means God will work things out for our happiness, but that's not it. God's plan, purpose and future for us is not to benefit us but for HIS glory, HIS name, HIS sake. Amazingly, those plans do bring us joy, fulfillment and all those lovely fuzzies, but it's not always hype, it's not always mountain tops, and it's not always hi-ho.
Who are we anyway? In our culture of superstars, super heroes and celebrities, we somehow think God owes us our 5 minutes. But we're not that important, ya'll. Don't get me wrong, yes, we are the apple of God's eye, He sent His Son to die a gruesome death for us...but somehow we think He owes it to us to make life what we think it should be, and we fall of the wagon when things get a little slippery, boring, hurtful, hard.
A friend of mine said this: Everything in me wants to pray that my children would live peaceful, happy lives and be spared from pain, but it is more beneficial for me to pray that they would live lives that glorify God no matter what circumstances they face, and that their joy would be found in Him alone.
Yes, and yes. And my prayer is that we be parents that exemplify that for/to them. May my joy and purpose be found in Him, not what He can do for me, where he can take me or how He can use me but in Him.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Nothing Else Matters
What's on my mind lately? Lots. But time on a computer with a keyboard is limited, so I'll stick with one of the main things stirring with me.
Three weeks ago a friend from Bible school lost her 2nd born to a disease for which there is no cure. He was 2.5, and it was just a year ago that they were given his diagnosis (Mitochondrial disease and Leigh's syndrome). The day of his diagnosis changed their lives, and via blogging and FB, I was able to keep up with what was going on with little Caleb. A year later...Caleb is with Jesus.
Like most people, I cannot begin to fathom the pain Jessica is feeling. I can't begin to imagine the whole in her heart and that of her family. And that is where I am. I grieve with my friend. I rejoice that Caleb is free from anything that held him back and from pain and from sickness. But I still grieve because he was loved so whole-heartedly and is now gone.
I also hope and trust. I praise God that Jessica knows Him and has her foundation in Him completely. I praise God that though there is pain, though there is grief, she sees a bigger picture - she sees Jesus. I know her hope is in Him. I pray that I would trust Jesus as I have seen Jessica trust Him. Our lives, our children, our futures are not in our hands nor are they ours. Our lives are in the hands of the Almighty and exist for His glory and His name. I pray that our family would trust Him and find our peace and joy in Him no matter the circumstances. May we glorify Him with our lives. Nothing else matters.
Three weeks ago a friend from Bible school lost her 2nd born to a disease for which there is no cure. He was 2.5, and it was just a year ago that they were given his diagnosis (Mitochondrial disease and Leigh's syndrome). The day of his diagnosis changed their lives, and via blogging and FB, I was able to keep up with what was going on with little Caleb. A year later...Caleb is with Jesus.
Like most people, I cannot begin to fathom the pain Jessica is feeling. I can't begin to imagine the whole in her heart and that of her family. And that is where I am. I grieve with my friend. I rejoice that Caleb is free from anything that held him back and from pain and from sickness. But I still grieve because he was loved so whole-heartedly and is now gone.
I also hope and trust. I praise God that Jessica knows Him and has her foundation in Him completely. I praise God that though there is pain, though there is grief, she sees a bigger picture - she sees Jesus. I know her hope is in Him. I pray that I would trust Jesus as I have seen Jessica trust Him. Our lives, our children, our futures are not in our hands nor are they ours. Our lives are in the hands of the Almighty and exist for His glory and His name. I pray that our family would trust Him and find our peace and joy in Him no matter the circumstances. May we glorify Him with our lives. Nothing else matters.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
On the Road Again.
If I'm going to return to blogging, I have to start somewhere.
So hi. Welcome back. Let's get right to it...like old friends picking up right where they left off months or even years ago.
The season is changing. Not metaphorically speaking. I think the first day of fall is sometime next week. It's overstated, but time is flying. Yet for our family, sometimes it doesn't fly quickly enough. Time flies and yet crawls. It flies because these 2 crazy little people are busy busy and keep me busy busy. It's so much fun, and I'm loving it. BUT without Nathan with us, time can't go fast enough. At this point we're thinking it'll be April-ish when we're able to join him. It can't. come. fast. enough. We're not dwelling on those things, though.
Let's see... Xander turned 3 in August. Slow down, child. He talks. He does that really well. When we're at the park, he's the cautious one on the playground among his peers. He'll play, but he likes to talk to the parents. He likes adult talk. He'll let people know about "Jonah was waaah waaah," and "The foklift was on the Lowe's twuck." He jabbers all day long. About everything. As he's playing, he narrates to me everything he's doing, "Mommy, there's the Lowe's twuck (he likes Lowe's trucks)...there's the firetruck...they're going to Starbucks...and the library..." Xander likes quality time. On the rare occasion that I turn on a movie for him, he wants me to sit and watch it with him. He gets that from his dad. When we read books, he always holds my hand or arm somehow, almost without thinking. It's super-sweet, and I relish those moments. Right now Xander doesn't ask a lot of why questions. He wants to know "what" more than why. "What is that, Mommy?" "What does that mean, Mommy?" He likes Star Wars and pretends everybody turns to the good side of the forest (force). He likes Wipeout and playing the big red balls. And he likes the story in the Bible of Jochabed putting Moses in the Nile. Oh and David & Goliath. He could be a different character in one of those stories every day, and he'll tell you, "I not pwetending. I David, Mommy." He walks up to people and tells them, "I'm Luke (Skywalker)," "My name is David. Whas you name?"
Jonah will be 1 in just weeks. I still haven't documented his birth story, and it's time I did. Maybe next week sometime. From the beginning, Jonah was more 'baby' than Xander. Jonah fussed and cried more even from day 2 or 3. I could just tell he would be more 'needy' than X. He crawled at 5.5 months and tries so hard to keep up with big brother. Ah, but not far from mommy. If he notices I'm not around, he'll immediately "uhh uhhh" and start looking for me. His little smile gets me every time. He tests things a lot. He knows when he's not supposed to do certain things, and at 10 months will look at me as to ask permission. I'll say, "No, no." But he'll smile big and do it anyway. It takes everything in me not to smile back at him. He gets super-offended when Nathan tells him no, but me - he thinks I'm a joke.
Though there may be 99 toys around, Jonah will want to play with the exact toy his big brother has. Most of the time, Xander has things set up just how he wants them (he's so very particular and perfectionist). So here comes Jonah knocking things over, Xander screaming "NO! NO! NO! JOOOOOONAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOO!" Then there I come, usually from the kitchen, for the 15th time. Xander can be pretty nice, actually. A lot of times he'll say, "Mira, Jonah, look what you can play with," and hands him some kind of toy. Jonah usually looks at it and passes because all he wants to do is whatever big brother is doing. And then starts the raucous all over. Yes, we do want more babies. They make our world go round. Ok, that's a start.
The season is changing. Not metaphorically speaking. I think the first day of fall is sometime next week. It's overstated, but time is flying. Yet for our family, sometimes it doesn't fly quickly enough. Time flies and yet crawls. It flies because these 2 crazy little people are busy busy and keep me busy busy. It's so much fun, and I'm loving it. BUT without Nathan with us, time can't go fast enough. At this point we're thinking it'll be April-ish when we're able to join him. It can't. come. fast. enough. We're not dwelling on those things, though.
Let's see... Xander turned 3 in August. Slow down, child. He talks. He does that really well. When we're at the park, he's the cautious one on the playground among his peers. He'll play, but he likes to talk to the parents. He likes adult talk. He'll let people know about "Jonah was waaah waaah," and "The foklift was on the Lowe's twuck." He jabbers all day long. About everything. As he's playing, he narrates to me everything he's doing, "Mommy, there's the Lowe's twuck (he likes Lowe's trucks)...there's the firetruck...they're going to Starbucks...and the library..." Xander likes quality time. On the rare occasion that I turn on a movie for him, he wants me to sit and watch it with him. He gets that from his dad. When we read books, he always holds my hand or arm somehow, almost without thinking. It's super-sweet, and I relish those moments. Right now Xander doesn't ask a lot of why questions. He wants to know "what" more than why. "What is that, Mommy?" "What does that mean, Mommy?" He likes Star Wars and pretends everybody turns to the good side of the forest (force). He likes Wipeout and playing the big red balls. And he likes the story in the Bible of Jochabed putting Moses in the Nile. Oh and David & Goliath. He could be a different character in one of those stories every day, and he'll tell you, "I not pwetending. I David, Mommy." He walks up to people and tells them, "I'm Luke (Skywalker)," "My name is David. Whas you name?"
Jonah will be 1 in just weeks. I still haven't documented his birth story, and it's time I did. Maybe next week sometime. From the beginning, Jonah was more 'baby' than Xander. Jonah fussed and cried more even from day 2 or 3. I could just tell he would be more 'needy' than X. He crawled at 5.5 months and tries so hard to keep up with big brother. Ah, but not far from mommy. If he notices I'm not around, he'll immediately "uhh uhhh" and start looking for me. His little smile gets me every time. He tests things a lot. He knows when he's not supposed to do certain things, and at 10 months will look at me as to ask permission. I'll say, "No, no." But he'll smile big and do it anyway. It takes everything in me not to smile back at him. He gets super-offended when Nathan tells him no, but me - he thinks I'm a joke.
Though there may be 99 toys around, Jonah will want to play with the exact toy his big brother has. Most of the time, Xander has things set up just how he wants them (he's so very particular and perfectionist). So here comes Jonah knocking things over, Xander screaming "NO! NO! NO! JOOOOOONAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOO!" Then there I come, usually from the kitchen, for the 15th time. Xander can be pretty nice, actually. A lot of times he'll say, "Mira, Jonah, look what you can play with," and hands him some kind of toy. Jonah usually looks at it and passes because all he wants to do is whatever big brother is doing. And then starts the raucous all over. Yes, we do want more babies. They make our world go round. Ok, that's a start.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I have really REALLY wanted to blog oh so much during the past several months, but I keep having issues. Not having a computer with a keyboard is a big drawback to typing. I can use my phone, so it's not impossible to blog, but it's more time-consuming. Aaaand being efficient is pretty important to me. So for now...we'll see.
Oh, and I'm also thinking of starting a new blog. Fresh. But I also like history. There's something about where we've been and where Jesus has brought us that I'm not sure I want to do away with as it relates to blogging.
So...for the few (or the only person) who read(s) this, any thoughts? Start fresh or keep the old?
Monday, October 31, 2011
Return to Sender
Well, Nathan got to call last night, and THAT was a great thing. All is well with him, of course. He was more concerned with me chilling out, which is his phone call helped accomplish.
The Mail
I tracked the package I've been waiting on, and it is now back where it originated...leading me to believe that all our mail has been returned to sender. There is literally nothing more I can do to fix any of this so I move on to the next thing...
...Birth Supplies
I need to pick up and prepare all of the items we'll need to birth this baby at home. Then there's a trip or 2 to Dallas I'll be making.
I'm tired. I just want to rest and sleep.
The Mail
I tracked the package I've been waiting on, and it is now back where it originated...leading me to believe that all our mail has been returned to sender. There is literally nothing more I can do to fix any of this so I move on to the next thing...
...Birth Supplies
I need to pick up and prepare all of the items we'll need to birth this baby at home. Then there's a trip or 2 to Dallas I'll be making.
I'm tired. I just want to rest and sleep.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
The Ticket and Mail
So the ticket...
...I drove 30 minutes to Rockwall yesterday to take care of the crazy thing. I get there, show the lady the papers, and she says I don't have the right stuff. She needs the emissions test thing. Um...I don't have that lady because I no longer live in an emissions testing county. But she was way too involved in herself to pay attention and blew me off, telling me I needed it, and she wouldn't listen to anything else I had to say.
I get back to the car and melt down. God, can you please make something go right for me?
I drive 30 minutes back to Greenville and tell the people at the inspection place what happened. The guy tells me the affidavit I signed saying I no longer live in an emissions county is good enough. He has nothing else because that's what I need and the lady was wrong.
I get back in my car and melt down. Again. Is this all really happening? What button is God trying to push? Really, tell me now because it's all getting beyond what I can take.
X & I eat lunch and yes, drive all the way back to Rockwall (another 30 minutes), and I had an entire speech ready for rude, incompetent woman.
Then I'm reminded of a sermon I recently heard from a very humble man about 'magnifying' Jesus in all situations because we don't know how much that next person really needs him. We don't know how depraved they are. We don't know anything about them except that if we simply allow each situation to 'magnify' Him and His character and all that Christian stuff, it might make just a tiny bit of difference for them. If nothing else, it'll certainly work to change us. And isn't that what it's all about - being conformed to His image? Blah. Why did I have to be reminded of this now?
So I justified in my head that part of magnifying Jesus was to speak the truth in love, and because of that I still needed to give her a piece of my mind.
I go in and without a smile or any kind of goodness, she asks, "...so you have the paperwork..." Kindly but firmly I let her know that I have this affidavit, etc etc. And I'm reminded of magnifying Jesus and a verse that says "...a kind word turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger..." She listens this time, looks at it all again, and I can tell that she feels bad. She said I hadn't shown her all the paperwork. I felt like arguing and proving my point, but I just said, "Well, it's all there. Can we take care of this?" Something like that. I did mention something about feeling like I had been blown off. She apologized for my having had to drive so much when it could've all been taken care of the first time. I was just ready to move on to the next thing...
...THE MAIL.
I believe in efficiency, so while I was driving all eternity that morning, I made several calls to both post offices and also to the Army Family care people to figure out if there was anything else in my power to 1) find my mail, and 2) obtain a military ID without the ppwk Nathan had sent.
I made a visit to the Rowlett post office and spoke with a kind supervisor. He still had no answers about where my mail was but at least I believe the forwarding will begin to work itself out. Let's all please pray this happens.
I then drove to what the army guy on the phone told me was the nearest ID place about 30 min from where I was). He thought if I explained my situation, they could work with me since I was in the system. Wow, could this really be that easy?
Of course not :]
Once I get there and ask the guard to direct me, he says, "Oh, we don't do that here anymore..." He had a smirk on his face so I wondered if he was joking. "That all blew up in mid-September...." Uh...blew up? I still don't know if he's for real. "We don't have the capability to do that anymore...the closest place is in Ft. Worth." Now I knew he was for real.
He doesn't have a physical address (what is it with people not knowing stuff they should just know?), but thank you, God for smart phones that can locate and do all kinds of things so that we don't have to drive an hour back home to figure it all out. I started to head that way and thought to myself to just call and make sure I they can really help me without the paperwork. It was already 2:30 pm. Going to Ft. Worth would put me going back to Greenville in Friday afternoon traffic - an already 1.5 hr drive would probably turn into 3. Xander is a pretty great car rider...but I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of drive if things didn't work out for me.
Glad I called because the lady basically told me that it's impossible to get an ID (insurance) without the documents Nathan sent unless I'm his POA, which I'm not.
This time I didn't melt down. In fact I was quite the opposite - at peace. I've basically done all I can to figure this stuff out, and my hands are completely tied. I'm pretty sure this is where God's supposed to show up somehow. I don't know what that somehow means, and of course, I can count on it being last minute. This may not work itself out until after the baby comes, and we have to be ok with that. But I've done my part, and now it's His turn. Relief.
Well, relief for the most part. Now I just wait.
Oh, I did have another melt down later in the day. But it was more of an I'm-pregnant-and-just-need-to-cry type of thing to release all the stress. Yeah, I did that a few times today too. Gah.
...I drove 30 minutes to Rockwall yesterday to take care of the crazy thing. I get there, show the lady the papers, and she says I don't have the right stuff. She needs the emissions test thing. Um...I don't have that lady because I no longer live in an emissions testing county. But she was way too involved in herself to pay attention and blew me off, telling me I needed it, and she wouldn't listen to anything else I had to say.
I get back to the car and melt down. God, can you please make something go right for me?
I drive 30 minutes back to Greenville and tell the people at the inspection place what happened. The guy tells me the affidavit I signed saying I no longer live in an emissions county is good enough. He has nothing else because that's what I need and the lady was wrong.
I get back in my car and melt down. Again. Is this all really happening? What button is God trying to push? Really, tell me now because it's all getting beyond what I can take.
X & I eat lunch and yes, drive all the way back to Rockwall (another 30 minutes), and I had an entire speech ready for rude, incompetent woman.
Then I'm reminded of a sermon I recently heard from a very humble man about 'magnifying' Jesus in all situations because we don't know how much that next person really needs him. We don't know how depraved they are. We don't know anything about them except that if we simply allow each situation to 'magnify' Him and His character and all that Christian stuff, it might make just a tiny bit of difference for them. If nothing else, it'll certainly work to change us. And isn't that what it's all about - being conformed to His image? Blah. Why did I have to be reminded of this now?
So I justified in my head that part of magnifying Jesus was to speak the truth in love, and because of that I still needed to give her a piece of my mind.
I go in and without a smile or any kind of goodness, she asks, "...so you have the paperwork..." Kindly but firmly I let her know that I have this affidavit, etc etc. And I'm reminded of magnifying Jesus and a verse that says "...a kind word turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger..." She listens this time, looks at it all again, and I can tell that she feels bad. She said I hadn't shown her all the paperwork. I felt like arguing and proving my point, but I just said, "Well, it's all there. Can we take care of this?" Something like that. I did mention something about feeling like I had been blown off. She apologized for my having had to drive so much when it could've all been taken care of the first time. I was just ready to move on to the next thing...
...THE MAIL.
I believe in efficiency, so while I was driving all eternity that morning, I made several calls to both post offices and also to the Army Family care people to figure out if there was anything else in my power to 1) find my mail, and 2) obtain a military ID without the ppwk Nathan had sent.
I made a visit to the Rowlett post office and spoke with a kind supervisor. He still had no answers about where my mail was but at least I believe the forwarding will begin to work itself out. Let's all please pray this happens.
I then drove to what the army guy on the phone told me was the nearest ID place about 30 min from where I was). He thought if I explained my situation, they could work with me since I was in the system. Wow, could this really be that easy?
Of course not :]
Once I get there and ask the guard to direct me, he says, "Oh, we don't do that here anymore..." He had a smirk on his face so I wondered if he was joking. "That all blew up in mid-September...." Uh...blew up? I still don't know if he's for real. "We don't have the capability to do that anymore...the closest place is in Ft. Worth." Now I knew he was for real.
He doesn't have a physical address (what is it with people not knowing stuff they should just know?), but thank you, God for smart phones that can locate and do all kinds of things so that we don't have to drive an hour back home to figure it all out. I started to head that way and thought to myself to just call and make sure I they can really help me without the paperwork. It was already 2:30 pm. Going to Ft. Worth would put me going back to Greenville in Friday afternoon traffic - an already 1.5 hr drive would probably turn into 3. Xander is a pretty great car rider...but I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of drive if things didn't work out for me.
Glad I called because the lady basically told me that it's impossible to get an ID (insurance) without the documents Nathan sent unless I'm his POA, which I'm not.
This time I didn't melt down. In fact I was quite the opposite - at peace. I've basically done all I can to figure this stuff out, and my hands are completely tied. I'm pretty sure this is where God's supposed to show up somehow. I don't know what that somehow means, and of course, I can count on it being last minute. This may not work itself out until after the baby comes, and we have to be ok with that. But I've done my part, and now it's His turn. Relief.
Well, relief for the most part. Now I just wait.
Oh, I did have another melt down later in the day. But it was more of an I'm-pregnant-and-just-need-to-cry type of thing to release all the stress. Yeah, I did that a few times today too. Gah.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
How God Uses the USPS
So I hate to complain about services like the USPS because I think it's pretty amazing that we can write a letter, put a stamp on it and get it across the country in a matter of days. A very wise lady tried to instill something like that in me when I was younger...not to complain about things like that.
HOWEVER, I am TICKED. How is it so difficult to forward mail from one address to another? It shouldn't be, but in our case it has been ridiculously ridiculous.
Nathan almost didn't get to leave because of the mail people. He'd been waiting on an important document that he'd been working on obtaining for over 2 months. For some reason, he couldn't get it emailed so we were depending on the USPS to deliver it in a timely manner. It never came. And his recruiter said that because it was a breach of contract, he would most likely have to start the process over. We were already making plans for that. We thought, "At least he'll be at the birth." The only thing is that we were gonna have to find a place to live fast. Well, low and behold for some reason the people decided to email the document at the very last minute...the last weekday before Nathan's departure. Last minute.
Keep in mind that I'm over 35 weeks pregnant (or something) when all this is taking place. Hello instability. That whole trust thing again.
Well, a week ago Nathan mailed some important documents to me from the Army. Insurance paperwork I need and can only get with some of the stuff that's in the packet he sent. I need that stuff. Yeah, stuff still not here. Nor have I received anymore mail...from anywhere.
Keep in mind that I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant and need this paperwork, and I'm hormonal.
So I decide to keep it Christian when I go to the post office and speak with someone. The lady was nice but couldn't really give me any answers as to where my mail could be. I contacted the old post office. Though the lady there was nice, she didn't have anything either. They both notified the specific mail couriers about the situation, but I still don't have my mail, and they still don't have answers. What the heck is going on?
Here's the thing - in both situations in which Nathan & I have needed these documents, we've done all we could, and our hands have been tied. In a way, it's somewhat relieving because that means Jesus, for the sake of HIS name, is going to have to show Himself through it. But it doesn't make it any less comfortable when it's all happening. That whole trust thing. Blah.
If I really believe what I say I believe - that God is sovereign in all things and works all of these things together for a reason, then I have to just REST in that and move on. And I have to trust that He'll do it in His time...just in time. Kinda like with Abraham and Isaac and the ram. That whole last minute thing...it used to thrill me because of the risk in it all. The excitement of it. Yeah, not so much these days. I think mainly because of the insecurity of not having Nathan right here right now. I may be a 'fix it,' 'get-er-done' kind of gal, but I have learned to rely HEAVILY on Nathan's God-given wisdom. It's just there - it's simple but so very profound to me. I believe it's a gift God gives to the leaders of the home. I can so complicate things, but he can just come right out with the most basic answers, and it seems genius to me. I can't emphasize how much I depended on that. When it's not here, I doubt myself.
That whole trust thing.
Well, for now I just wait. Wait on the mail to work itself out. Keep calling and bugging and try to figure out what to do next...but once my hands are tied, I gotta let the stress of it go. *sigh*
I need a good day, Jesus.
HOWEVER, I am TICKED. How is it so difficult to forward mail from one address to another? It shouldn't be, but in our case it has been ridiculously ridiculous.
Nathan almost didn't get to leave because of the mail people. He'd been waiting on an important document that he'd been working on obtaining for over 2 months. For some reason, he couldn't get it emailed so we were depending on the USPS to deliver it in a timely manner. It never came. And his recruiter said that because it was a breach of contract, he would most likely have to start the process over. We were already making plans for that. We thought, "At least he'll be at the birth." The only thing is that we were gonna have to find a place to live fast. Well, low and behold for some reason the people decided to email the document at the very last minute...the last weekday before Nathan's departure. Last minute.
Keep in mind that I'm over 35 weeks pregnant (or something) when all this is taking place. Hello instability. That whole trust thing again.
Well, a week ago Nathan mailed some important documents to me from the Army. Insurance paperwork I need and can only get with some of the stuff that's in the packet he sent. I need that stuff. Yeah, stuff still not here. Nor have I received anymore mail...from anywhere.
Keep in mind that I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant and need this paperwork, and I'm hormonal.
So I decide to keep it Christian when I go to the post office and speak with someone. The lady was nice but couldn't really give me any answers as to where my mail could be. I contacted the old post office. Though the lady there was nice, she didn't have anything either. They both notified the specific mail couriers about the situation, but I still don't have my mail, and they still don't have answers. What the heck is going on?
Here's the thing - in both situations in which Nathan & I have needed these documents, we've done all we could, and our hands have been tied. In a way, it's somewhat relieving because that means Jesus, for the sake of HIS name, is going to have to show Himself through it. But it doesn't make it any less comfortable when it's all happening. That whole trust thing. Blah.
If I really believe what I say I believe - that God is sovereign in all things and works all of these things together for a reason, then I have to just REST in that and move on. And I have to trust that He'll do it in His time...just in time. Kinda like with Abraham and Isaac and the ram. That whole last minute thing...it used to thrill me because of the risk in it all. The excitement of it. Yeah, not so much these days. I think mainly because of the insecurity of not having Nathan right here right now. I may be a 'fix it,' 'get-er-done' kind of gal, but I have learned to rely HEAVILY on Nathan's God-given wisdom. It's just there - it's simple but so very profound to me. I believe it's a gift God gives to the leaders of the home. I can so complicate things, but he can just come right out with the most basic answers, and it seems genius to me. I can't emphasize how much I depended on that. When it's not here, I doubt myself.
That whole trust thing.
Well, for now I just wait. Wait on the mail to work itself out. Keep calling and bugging and try to figure out what to do next...but once my hands are tied, I gotta let the stress of it go. *sigh*
I need a good day, Jesus.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
For the 1st time in about 13 years...
Leading up to our move and all of the changes that would be taking place in October, there was lots going on. Lots. Two weeks before we needed to be out of our house, I had to work a week-long conference during which we basically move into a hotel for a week. I had never been away from Xander for more than just a few hours (never overnight), so he and Nathan came and spent a few nights with me. It got super-busy for me a couple of days there, though, so they spent a couple of nights away...way weird.
The weekend before the conference I had to pack what I could and then separate clothes. And you must understand - I'm pregnant and I live in Texas. This means the weather could unexpectedly change at any moment without notice. So it's October, and again, we live in Texas...which means I need summer and fall maternity clothes...as well as some winter stuff since baby will come in November. Then it also means after-baby clothes...and...well, it just gets complicated. Not to mention work clothes for 1 week for the conference...
...get what I was dealing with?
Oh, and then there's the house to pack.
So the packing I could do got done, I worked the conference, got home on Friday and got ready to move Saturday & Sunday. And it still wasn't all done. Then one week trying to tie up loose ends before Nathan left the following weekend. Whew.
Our stuff is in storage, and I'm living in a bedroom at my mom's place until we can move with Nathan. We don't know exactly when that will be.
All that was just an intro to my day. So now you kinda understand the craziness we were dealing with during the past month or so.
That leads to today. I had an appointment with my midwife and had made plans to visit the house one very last time mainly to check the mail then drop off the keys. The appointment went well, and I headed towards the house. I'm driving in a construction zone, and I don't really make much of the cop using his radar gun to check for speeders. A pet peeve of mine - speeders in construction zones. My hubby used to work construction, and PEOPLE, they have lives too!!! I do notice, however, that he raised his sunglasses as I passed him, and he immediately got into his patrol car...and followed me...and stopped me. What?! Oh yes, he did. Why? I'm glad you asked.
The great state of Texas requires an annual inspection to check for emissions blah blah blah. We had been so crazy busy that we didn't make inspection a priority in the vehicle I was driving. I had mentioned it to Nathan, but we just never did it.
Ok, back up to yesterday. Funny - yesterday I actually took said vehicle to get inspected, but it failed because the tread in one of the tires was too worn to pass. So I had planned to get all tires changed anyway, but remember - I had a midwife appt and other things going on today. What were the chances of me getting stopped today?
Yeah, well, it happened, and the jerk cop had no sympathy for my sob story. Yes, I cried. I'm pregnant, hormonal, and I miss my husband. Mr. Copman didn't care. At all.
So after getting home from all the stuff I had to do, I still had tires to get changed and a car to get reinspected. All is well. It all worked out, but I still have a stupid ticket to take care of. It has literally been one thing after another. What gives?
Oh, and our mail isn't being forwarded. I'll save my USPS complaints for tomorrow.
The weekend before the conference I had to pack what I could and then separate clothes. And you must understand - I'm pregnant and I live in Texas. This means the weather could unexpectedly change at any moment without notice. So it's October, and again, we live in Texas...which means I need summer and fall maternity clothes...as well as some winter stuff since baby will come in November. Then it also means after-baby clothes...and...well, it just gets complicated. Not to mention work clothes for 1 week for the conference...
...get what I was dealing with?
Oh, and then there's the house to pack.
So the packing I could do got done, I worked the conference, got home on Friday and got ready to move Saturday & Sunday. And it still wasn't all done. Then one week trying to tie up loose ends before Nathan left the following weekend. Whew.
Our stuff is in storage, and I'm living in a bedroom at my mom's place until we can move with Nathan. We don't know exactly when that will be.
All that was just an intro to my day. So now you kinda understand the craziness we were dealing with during the past month or so.
That leads to today. I had an appointment with my midwife and had made plans to visit the house one very last time mainly to check the mail then drop off the keys. The appointment went well, and I headed towards the house. I'm driving in a construction zone, and I don't really make much of the cop using his radar gun to check for speeders. A pet peeve of mine - speeders in construction zones. My hubby used to work construction, and PEOPLE, they have lives too!!! I do notice, however, that he raised his sunglasses as I passed him, and he immediately got into his patrol car...and followed me...and stopped me. What?! Oh yes, he did. Why? I'm glad you asked.
The great state of Texas requires an annual inspection to check for emissions blah blah blah. We had been so crazy busy that we didn't make inspection a priority in the vehicle I was driving. I had mentioned it to Nathan, but we just never did it.
Ok, back up to yesterday. Funny - yesterday I actually took said vehicle to get inspected, but it failed because the tread in one of the tires was too worn to pass. So I had planned to get all tires changed anyway, but remember - I had a midwife appt and other things going on today. What were the chances of me getting stopped today?
Yeah, well, it happened, and the jerk cop had no sympathy for my sob story. Yes, I cried. I'm pregnant, hormonal, and I miss my husband. Mr. Copman didn't care. At all.
So after getting home from all the stuff I had to do, I still had tires to get changed and a car to get reinspected. All is well. It all worked out, but I still have a stupid ticket to take care of. It has literally been one thing after another. What gives?
Oh, and our mail isn't being forwarded. I'll save my USPS complaints for tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I'm in the Lord's Army
Whoa! It's been a long time since I've posted anything, and that, my friends, was completely intentional.
I'll just get right to it.
The last year was one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Nathan & I had never planned on me working after we had babies, but it had to happen. After realizing how much we needed to catch up financially after he'd lost his job for a bit back in the day, we knew we had to do it. Funny how things work out. As we were beginning to plan some of this, I received a phone call from an old employer asking if by chance I was looking to work again. I was hesitant at first because of the demands of my position there before. I was reassured that much had changed and that part-time was actually what they were looking for at this time. It all worked out, and I clearly remember my first day leaving Xander...
...his daddy held him as I drove out of the garage, and I didn't even take the time to think about that moment because I knew I'd break down. I'd never ever been away from my baby boy for more than just a little while.
That's kinda how the year went. Nathan stayed with him in the mornings while I went to work, and we all adjusted. But it was hard. Very hard. I couldn't understand why certain things weren't working out the way we had planned and hoped and dreamed.
It was a very frustrating year...but I think even more so because I allowed it to be that way. It was a struggle. A big struggle. It was for a season, though, and for a reason.
One of the main things I realized God was (is) trying to teach me is that whole trust thing. It's very basic. Funny how when I was a teenager and at times things got pretty rough (ask me later), I didn't budge. It was easy to trust. As time has passed, that child-like faith they talk about has slowly wavered, and so I'm placed in this situations in which I can do absolutely NOTHING to 'fix it.' I'm a fix it, do it, get 'er done kind of gal, so when there is no way for me to do that, I go CRAZY. And that happened a lot this past year. Time and time again, it was like something nudging me about this whole trust issue. Thanks, God.
Through that God was also preparing us for the next step. And I just advise you to stop reading if you're anti-military.
Since before we got married, Nathan talked about joining the military. We talked and prayed about it every year afterwards, and well, it just wasn't ever the right timing. Again, if you're anti-military, stop reading now because you'll just say that it's never the right time for that. Anyway, a couple of years ago for the first time ever, neither of us had a reservation about it, but we didn't want to made a decision out of necessity as Nathan had lost his job for a little while. So we sat on that for a couple of years. And as we talked about it through the past year, Nathan realized that this was it. It was time. "If I don't do this now, I'll look back in 20 years and regret it." That was one of the lines he said to me that really showed Nathan's desire to do this.
What had held us back before? Why now? Why the army?
Those are all valid questions, but if you're really interested, just email me. We kept the process mostly quiet because of all of you asking all of those questions. Too many to answer, and honestly, we have peace about this decision. We believe in counsel, but we don't believe we need to answer to the entire world.
So Nathan left a little over a week ago. He'll be in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma for basic training until December. Then he'll continue another year of training in the same place. Funny how all of that worked out as well. We've been able to talk every day since he left, but after tonight, we won't hear from him again for several weeks (no phone but he'll be able to write). In fact, baby boy #2 will arrive without the presence of his daddy. That is the biggest bummer EVER...but it was something we knew was a possibility from the start of it all.
It's amazing how God makes us a certain way and prepares us in advance for the task set before us. It doesn't mean things aren't difficult; but His grace enables us.
I mainly took the year off from blogging because I didn't want to vocalize some of the blah-ness of what was happening within my heart. I do realize that this is what humanizes us, and I'm all about being and open book. There are just times when the sounds of silence are better for us. And I think that, for now at least, that season for me is changing.
I've missed this.
I'll just get right to it.
The last year was one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Nathan & I had never planned on me working after we had babies, but it had to happen. After realizing how much we needed to catch up financially after he'd lost his job for a bit back in the day, we knew we had to do it. Funny how things work out. As we were beginning to plan some of this, I received a phone call from an old employer asking if by chance I was looking to work again. I was hesitant at first because of the demands of my position there before. I was reassured that much had changed and that part-time was actually what they were looking for at this time. It all worked out, and I clearly remember my first day leaving Xander...
...his daddy held him as I drove out of the garage, and I didn't even take the time to think about that moment because I knew I'd break down. I'd never ever been away from my baby boy for more than just a little while.
That's kinda how the year went. Nathan stayed with him in the mornings while I went to work, and we all adjusted. But it was hard. Very hard. I couldn't understand why certain things weren't working out the way we had planned and hoped and dreamed.
It was a very frustrating year...but I think even more so because I allowed it to be that way. It was a struggle. A big struggle. It was for a season, though, and for a reason.
One of the main things I realized God was (is) trying to teach me is that whole trust thing. It's very basic. Funny how when I was a teenager and at times things got pretty rough (ask me later), I didn't budge. It was easy to trust. As time has passed, that child-like faith they talk about has slowly wavered, and so I'm placed in this situations in which I can do absolutely NOTHING to 'fix it.' I'm a fix it, do it, get 'er done kind of gal, so when there is no way for me to do that, I go CRAZY. And that happened a lot this past year. Time and time again, it was like something nudging me about this whole trust issue. Thanks, God.
Through that God was also preparing us for the next step. And I just advise you to stop reading if you're anti-military.
Since before we got married, Nathan talked about joining the military. We talked and prayed about it every year afterwards, and well, it just wasn't ever the right timing. Again, if you're anti-military, stop reading now because you'll just say that it's never the right time for that. Anyway, a couple of years ago for the first time ever, neither of us had a reservation about it, but we didn't want to made a decision out of necessity as Nathan had lost his job for a little while. So we sat on that for a couple of years. And as we talked about it through the past year, Nathan realized that this was it. It was time. "If I don't do this now, I'll look back in 20 years and regret it." That was one of the lines he said to me that really showed Nathan's desire to do this.
What had held us back before? Why now? Why the army?
Those are all valid questions, but if you're really interested, just email me. We kept the process mostly quiet because of all of you asking all of those questions. Too many to answer, and honestly, we have peace about this decision. We believe in counsel, but we don't believe we need to answer to the entire world.
So Nathan left a little over a week ago. He'll be in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma for basic training until December. Then he'll continue another year of training in the same place. Funny how all of that worked out as well. We've been able to talk every day since he left, but after tonight, we won't hear from him again for several weeks (no phone but he'll be able to write). In fact, baby boy #2 will arrive without the presence of his daddy. That is the biggest bummer EVER...but it was something we knew was a possibility from the start of it all.
It's amazing how God makes us a certain way and prepares us in advance for the task set before us. It doesn't mean things aren't difficult; but His grace enables us.
I mainly took the year off from blogging because I didn't want to vocalize some of the blah-ness of what was happening within my heart. I do realize that this is what humanizes us, and I'm all about being and open book. There are just times when the sounds of silence are better for us. And I think that, for now at least, that season for me is changing.
I've missed this.
Monday, May 02, 2011
Eye for an Eye
Dadgummit. Do people actually say that? I started off wanting to blog more, but really that just wasn't gonna happen on my phone. My lappy's screen completely blacked out sometime last summer or fall, and I've been without one since. Yes, I know there are easy and somewhat inexpensive solutions, but whatever. My hubby works from his all the time quite often, so blogging really became a back-burner thing, though I constantly had thoughts I so desperately needed to release.
What better time to do that than when the most breaking news of breaking news breaks?! If you've been locked up in a cave, you should just know that Bin Laden is now dead. The news broke last night in the middle of Celebrity Apprentice just as it was getting better. I still haven't watched the end of Apprentice, and I haven't Googled to see who got knocked off the show. Side note: act the crazy like NeNe, and someone like Trump is sure to pick you up for ratings. The woman is for real crazy. She may be some act, but the woman is for real. Fo' real CRAZY. Moving on...
...so upon the news, FB immediately went crazy with posts. At first it was just the informative "Bin Laden has been killed." Then it went to "We got him." A friend of mine even posted something like, "...now that he's been officially 86'd..." I can't say I didn'tspit out my food laughing chuckle.
But then the posts and comments turned into "Rot in hell."
That grieved me.
Don't get me wrong, people. I believe in justice. But what does that mean anyway? Who am I to say what justice is? Isn't it God who metes that out in His time and in His ways?
I believe in the death penalty. I believe in our military (yes, even in post-WWII times when we are more imperialistic than ever and feel that we use our troops to illegally occupy other countries). I believe in consequences.
I hope that this brings about some kind of comfort for those who have been searching for comfort and closure.
HOWEVER...
I don't believe in rejoicing over someone's soul eternally damned to hell. I don't know for sure Bin Laden's spiritual state...where he stood with my God. But somehow I'm not thinking He was headed where I am. (and I refuse to get involved in the latest drama about heaven and hell that Rob Bell started. I haven't read the book, but if he's just trying to be user-friendly, whatever. I'm not getting into endless, dumb debates.) And the fact that someone else is forever in hell and separated from God...well, it shouldn't bring me to rejoice. I don't think God rejoices over that.
Again, I don't want to get started on debates about predestination and people meant to go here or there. I'm just saddened, grieved by any of us rejoicing over something that is deeper and more serious than "we got him."
I know this guy has caused the death of thousands of people. I know he did evil, evil things. There is no excuse for that. He should be brought to justice. More than anyone, I've wanted the man brought to justice. And as much as my heart may sometimes feel "burn in hell" because of the indescribable pain that he may have caused, I'm nobody to say that he should. That's not my place. Vengeance is not mine.
This has been floating around and thought I'd share:
"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
What better time to do that than when the most breaking news of breaking news breaks?! If you've been locked up in a cave, you should just know that Bin Laden is now dead. The news broke last night in the middle of Celebrity Apprentice just as it was getting better. I still haven't watched the end of Apprentice, and I haven't Googled to see who got knocked off the show. Side note: act the crazy like NeNe, and someone like Trump is sure to pick you up for ratings. The woman is for real crazy. She may be some act, but the woman is for real. Fo' real CRAZY. Moving on...
...so upon the news, FB immediately went crazy with posts. At first it was just the informative "Bin Laden has been killed." Then it went to "We got him." A friend of mine even posted something like, "...now that he's been officially 86'd..." I can't say I didn't
But then the posts and comments turned into "Rot in hell."
That grieved me.
Don't get me wrong, people. I believe in justice. But what does that mean anyway? Who am I to say what justice is? Isn't it God who metes that out in His time and in His ways?
I believe in the death penalty. I believe in our military (yes, even in post-WWII times when we are more imperialistic than ever and feel that we use our troops to illegally occupy other countries). I believe in consequences.
I hope that this brings about some kind of comfort for those who have been searching for comfort and closure.
HOWEVER...
I don't believe in rejoicing over someone's soul eternally damned to hell. I don't know for sure Bin Laden's spiritual state...where he stood with my God. But somehow I'm not thinking He was headed where I am. (and I refuse to get involved in the latest drama about heaven and hell that Rob Bell started. I haven't read the book, but if he's just trying to be user-friendly, whatever. I'm not getting into endless, dumb debates.) And the fact that someone else is forever in hell and separated from God...well, it shouldn't bring me to rejoice. I don't think God rejoices over that.
Again, I don't want to get started on debates about predestination and people meant to go here or there. I'm just saddened, grieved by any of us rejoicing over something that is deeper and more serious than "we got him."
I know this guy has caused the death of thousands of people. I know he did evil, evil things. There is no excuse for that. He should be brought to justice. More than anyone, I've wanted the man brought to justice. And as much as my heart may sometimes feel "burn in hell" because of the indescribable pain that he may have caused, I'm nobody to say that he should. That's not my place. Vengeance is not mine.
This has been floating around and thought I'd share:
"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Happy New Year
I can't believe it's been months since I last blogged. I've thought about it like every other day probably, but I just didn't want to do it. I have all kinds of blog-thoughts, but I was on edge for a while, and I'm still not totally comfortable letting my guard down for the world to see...since the world does in fact read my blog :]
I know, I know - that's how we all learn and grow and relate to each other - with and because of our vulnerabilities; however, there is a time for everything, and the time had not yet come.
What better time than the New Year to start fresh?! Lots has happened since my last blog - Xander turned 1 (!!), we finally got back to Texas permanently - Rowlett to be exact, Thanksgiving, Christmas...and more. I'll share about it all soon enough.
For now I'll leave with this - what are you expecting this year? I know, I know - it's every preacher's question to his congregation each and every year, "what are you expecting from God?" But I want to approach it a little differently in my life - what will I do differently? How will I love more and better? What can I do to serve Jesus by serving and loving those around me? That's the only way my expectations can change - that is if I change. If I choose to love and serve more. Seems simple enough...
So here's to a Happy New Year and new expectations, beginnings, and opportunities.
I know, I know - that's how we all learn and grow and relate to each other - with and because of our vulnerabilities; however, there is a time for everything, and the time had not yet come.
What better time than the New Year to start fresh?! Lots has happened since my last blog - Xander turned 1 (!!), we finally got back to Texas permanently - Rowlett to be exact, Thanksgiving, Christmas...and more. I'll share about it all soon enough.
For now I'll leave with this - what are you expecting this year? I know, I know - it's every preacher's question to his congregation each and every year, "what are you expecting from God?" But I want to approach it a little differently in my life - what will I do differently? How will I love more and better? What can I do to serve Jesus by serving and loving those around me? That's the only way my expectations can change - that is if I change. If I choose to love and serve more. Seems simple enough...
So here's to a Happy New Year and new expectations, beginnings, and opportunities.
Monday, July 05, 2010
UnSocial and the 4th
I am well aware that the word anti-social should've been used at the bottom of my last blog...or so according to others; HOWEVER, I associate the word anti-social with being against socializing, and that's not what I was referring to. It's one thing to be against it and another to not do it because...because. *roll eyes*
So we hadn't really planned to watch fireworks anywhere because from where the camper is located, you can see fireworks displays in just about every direction. Ah, that's one cool thing about Kansas - fireworks are allowed within city limits, unlike anyplace in Texas I've ever lived. So people go crazy with them. Kinda nice out in the country, but I'm sure if I lived in any city here, I'd be calling the cops on all the drunk people setting fires in the streets. Anyway, I was kinda in the dumps because it had (and still has) been raining almost completely non-stop since we got here on Friday...which means being stuck inside most of the time...which makes for a fussy Xander. Kids love the outdoors. Kids NEED the outdoors even at this age.
So I'd given the kid his bath after a late nap and mentioned to Nathan I really wanted to have a white people 4th just one year complete with fireworks. Well, it was too late for the other stuff, but he grabbed his wallet and within 27 seconds we were on our way to a local fireworks show. It was past 930...way past Xander's bedtime, especially cinsidering he had stayed up the night before as we did our own fireworks stuff AND the kid can't sleep past 630 a.m. because the camper let's in SOOOOO much light in the mornings. I didn't care. There was a break in the clouds, and I was so going to take advantage.
I'm glad we did. It was so nice to be out that late (lol - wow, how things change with baybays) with both my Nathan and my son even though we caught only the last 15 minutes or so of the whole thing. It was a nice break from all the traveling, from the rain, and from all our movement. I was sad that my mom couldn't be with us, but next year...yes, I think next year I will change how we do some stuff.
Thanks, husband, for driving like a maniac on those old, Kansas dirt roads to get me some fireworks. You're the best.
So we hadn't really planned to watch fireworks anywhere because from where the camper is located, you can see fireworks displays in just about every direction. Ah, that's one cool thing about Kansas - fireworks are allowed within city limits, unlike anyplace in Texas I've ever lived. So people go crazy with them. Kinda nice out in the country, but I'm sure if I lived in any city here, I'd be calling the cops on all the drunk people setting fires in the streets. Anyway, I was kinda in the dumps because it had (and still has) been raining almost completely non-stop since we got here on Friday...which means being stuck inside most of the time...which makes for a fussy Xander. Kids love the outdoors. Kids NEED the outdoors even at this age.
So I'd given the kid his bath after a late nap and mentioned to Nathan I really wanted to have a white people 4th just one year complete with fireworks. Well, it was too late for the other stuff, but he grabbed his wallet and within 27 seconds we were on our way to a local fireworks show. It was past 930...way past Xander's bedtime, especially cinsidering he had stayed up the night before as we did our own fireworks stuff AND the kid can't sleep past 630 a.m. because the camper let's in SOOOOO much light in the mornings. I didn't care. There was a break in the clouds, and I was so going to take advantage.
I'm glad we did. It was so nice to be out that late (lol - wow, how things change with baybays) with both my Nathan and my son even though we caught only the last 15 minutes or so of the whole thing. It was a nice break from all the traveling, from the rain, and from all our movement. I was sad that my mom couldn't be with us, but next year...yes, I think next year I will change how we do some stuff.
Thanks, husband, for driving like a maniac on those old, Kansas dirt roads to get me some fireworks. You're the best.
Friday, July 02, 2010
Funky Town
On one side of our family, we have lots of kids of all kinds and ages. On the other side, there are few and mainly boys...well the ones who are around. Recently one family member from the all boys side was saying to me,"Xander's great, but we're still waiting for our girl." This is said to me maybe every month or two, and by this time I'm just really annoyed with it. So rather than gracefully and tactfully shrug it off or respond with, "well, maybe next time," I snap back with, "Well, isn't that just how we all are - ungrateful and dissatisfied with what God gives us?" And I walked away.
And right away I had to point the finger right back at myself.
How often have I wanted more when I have everything I could need and then some? I notice that gratitude has been a recurring theme in my latest blogs. Hmmm. I always thoght I was a pretty grateful person, but it seems the older I get, the easier it is to complain. Not good.
I'll be honest people - it's easy to complain when I'm in Kansas. I just sent someone a text earlier that said "I hate Kansas." Why all this hate? There's good here. Really, there is. And if I really think about it, could it be that I am here for "such a time as this?" I'm not trying to be deep here but maybe just have a little more perspective and appreciation for the situation.
So...with that, thanks, Jesus, for a land of nothing (Kansas) that you can make something out of for us.
Ok, but are all country people this unsociable? Really?
And right away I had to point the finger right back at myself.
How often have I wanted more when I have everything I could need and then some? I notice that gratitude has been a recurring theme in my latest blogs. Hmmm. I always thoght I was a pretty grateful person, but it seems the older I get, the easier it is to complain. Not good.
I'll be honest people - it's easy to complain when I'm in Kansas. I just sent someone a text earlier that said "I hate Kansas." Why all this hate? There's good here. Really, there is. And if I really think about it, could it be that I am here for "such a time as this?" I'm not trying to be deep here but maybe just have a little more perspective and appreciation for the situation.
So...with that, thanks, Jesus, for a land of nothing (Kansas) that you can make something out of for us.
Ok, but are all country people this unsociable? Really?
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Peas and Gas
You know how you go from a link on one blog to another blog to another and end up reading all kinds of random stuff? Yeah, you know you do it. The screen on my lappy is kaputz so I've been relying on my phone and the use of my mom's computer. The phone works great except it's a little slower than a PC and makes the battery die more quickly; therefore, I try not to browse the WWW on it much. Anyway, I haven't had much of an opportunity to do much browsing, but I did get to a blog the other night that made me ever-so-grateful yet again.
I have many sleepless nights because...well, for many reasons. I totally screwed up Xander's sleep associations, and trying to break that habit with him is...not yet hopeless. But not getting but a few nights of more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep for months on end sure can make daytime decision making kinda crazy. And it can make me super moody if I don't watch it. So anyway, I was having one of those days. I just needed a few hours of straight sleep. Wasn't gonna happen. Xander is having more issues than ever taking a bottle. So I decided to browse and came upon a blog of a girl about my age with a couple of kiddos. I don't know why the kiddos aren't breastfeed, and that's none of my business, but after reading about all the crazy meds her youngest is on and the crazy expensive formula, I thanked Jesus yet again for providing me with great nutrition for my baby boy. And I said out loud, "I will nurse him all night long if I need to..."
So, of course, the very next night I think Xander wanted to see how true that was. Lol. I had to laugh every time he woke up...every single hour...and I knew what was bothering him - stinkin gas. Poor kid. It's those peas I give him when I eat dinner. I forgot that I can't feed him peas in the evening. But hey, I'm finding humor in this now.
I have many sleepless nights because...well, for many reasons. I totally screwed up Xander's sleep associations, and trying to break that habit with him is...not yet hopeless. But not getting but a few nights of more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep for months on end sure can make daytime decision making kinda crazy. And it can make me super moody if I don't watch it. So anyway, I was having one of those days. I just needed a few hours of straight sleep. Wasn't gonna happen. Xander is having more issues than ever taking a bottle. So I decided to browse and came upon a blog of a girl about my age with a couple of kiddos. I don't know why the kiddos aren't breastfeed, and that's none of my business, but after reading about all the crazy meds her youngest is on and the crazy expensive formula, I thanked Jesus yet again for providing me with great nutrition for my baby boy. And I said out loud, "I will nurse him all night long if I need to..."
So, of course, the very next night I think Xander wanted to see how true that was. Lol. I had to laugh every time he woke up...every single hour...and I knew what was bothering him - stinkin gas. Poor kid. It's those peas I give him when I eat dinner. I forgot that I can't feed him peas in the evening. But hey, I'm finding humor in this now.
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