I'm in the Lord's Army

Whoa! It's been a long time since I've posted anything, and that, my friends, was completely intentional.

I'll just get right to it.

The last year was one of the most difficult seasons of my life. Nathan & I had never planned on me working after we had babies, but it had to happen. After realizing how much we needed to catch up financially after he'd lost his job for a bit back in the day, we knew we had to do it. Funny how things work out. As we were beginning to plan some of this, I received a phone call from an old employer asking if by chance I was looking to work again. I was hesitant at first because of the demands of my position there before. I was reassured that much had changed and that part-time was actually what they were looking for at this time. It all worked out, and I clearly remember my first day leaving Xander...

...his daddy held him as I drove out of the garage, and I didn't even take the time to think about that moment because I knew I'd break down. I'd never ever been away from my baby boy for more than just a little while.

That's kinda how the year went. Nathan stayed with him in the mornings while I went to work, and we all adjusted. But it was hard. Very hard. I couldn't understand why certain things weren't working out the way we had planned and hoped and dreamed.

It was a very frustrating year...but I think even more so because I allowed it to be that way. It was a struggle. A big struggle. It was for a season, though, and for a reason.

One of the main things I realized God was (is) trying to teach me is that whole trust thing. It's very basic. Funny how when I was a teenager and at times things got pretty rough (ask me later), I didn't budge. It was easy to trust. As time has passed, that child-like faith they talk about has slowly wavered, and so I'm placed in this situations in which I can do absolutely NOTHING to 'fix it.' I'm a fix it, do it, get 'er done kind of gal, so when there is no way for me to do that, I go CRAZY. And that happened a lot this past year. Time and time again, it was like something nudging me about this whole trust issue. Thanks, God.

Through that God was also preparing us for the next step. And I just advise you to stop reading if you're anti-military.

Since before we got married, Nathan talked about joining the military. We talked and prayed about it every year afterwards, and well, it just wasn't ever the right timing. Again, if you're anti-military, stop reading now because you'll just say that it's never the right time for that. Anyway, a couple of years ago for the first time ever, neither of us had a reservation about it, but we didn't want to made a decision out of necessity as Nathan had lost his job for a little while. So we sat on that for a couple of years. And as we talked about it through the past year, Nathan realized that this was it. It was time. "If I don't do this now, I'll look back in 20 years and regret it." That was one of the lines he said to me that really showed Nathan's desire to do this.

What had held us back before? Why now? Why the army?

Those are all valid questions, but if you're really interested, just email me. We kept the process mostly quiet because of all of you asking all of those questions. Too many to answer, and honestly, we have peace about this decision. We believe in counsel, but we don't believe we need to answer to the entire world.

So Nathan left a little over a week ago. He'll be in Ft. Sill, Oklahoma for basic training until December. Then he'll continue another year of training in the same place. Funny how all of that worked out as well. We've been able to talk every day since he left, but after tonight, we won't hear from him again for several weeks (no phone but he'll be able to write). In fact, baby boy #2 will arrive without the presence of his daddy. That is the biggest bummer EVER...but it was something we knew was a possibility from the start of it all.

It's amazing how God makes us a certain way and prepares us in advance for the task set before us. It doesn't mean things aren't difficult; but His grace enables us.

I mainly took the year off from blogging because I didn't want to vocalize some of the blah-ness of what was happening within my heart. I do realize that this is what humanizes us, and I'm all about being and open book. There are just times when the sounds of silence are better for us. And I think that, for now at least, that season for me is changing.

I've missed this.