Chill Pills

If there's anything I don't like it's wasted opportunities. I've always wanted to be sure that I learned everything I could from each and every situation. Some of that is the over-analytical part of me. This year more than ever I've consciously lived with that notion in my head - learn from this. Let me just say that the pressure is too much. Hmmm. We'll always gain from situations and circumstances, but the pressure I can often put on myself is ridiculous.

I have recently learned a few things...

In the past I was known as the crazy, OCD type A. I was a multi-tasking workaholic who thrived on stress. Bring it on. Looking back I think I felt I had something to prove. People to please. (Insecurity.) I was impatient and expected perfection out of everyone including myself. I had to prove that I could do it all and do it all well. A very close friend once confronted me with, "Who are you trying to prove it to and why?"

Recently I realized that situations which normally would've driven me wild and crazy aren't a big deal anymore. I still freak out with stuff but not the way I used to because...well, because there are more important things in life to drive us crazy. I'm still time-conscious, but I won't be a jerk to you for a week just for getting here 3 minutes too late. I'll only be a jerk to you for a minute or two. :) I'll get over it.

I also don't expect perfection out of you or me. What is perfection anyway and who can achieve it? None of us. It's been done and can't be repeated. For the most part, I've dropped most expectations from both of us, and it's been incredibly freeing. Who are we to unrealistically expect so much out of each other? We end up disappointed, disillusioned and usually hurt.

The solution: Love. Love is all. All is love (I would've made a great hippie). No, but really, we would all be much happier if we lived that concept - love all. No restrictions, no reservations, no requirements.

I have a long way to go. I know that; but it's nice to look back and see that somewhere along the way someone gave me a pill that worked.