ER's and Job

So guess where we are...the ER. Unbelievable! My mom just can't catch a break, and I just feel so so sad for her sometimes.

Yesterday (Thurs) morning she woke up with more pain than on Wednesday, and I could tell she just wasn't feel as well as the day prior. Her surgeon's fellow, Dr. Smith, who was beginning a habit of coming by at 6 a.m. to check on her, thought she'd be well enough to go home so began writing the process. She had a little bit of breakfast, but had to stop because of nausea. Then she had a crazy pain incident where for like 20 minutes she was in some pretty good pain. They gave her some stuff...but by that time, the pain was already dying down. I told them I wouldn't take her home like that. The day got better, but I could tell she wasn't feeling as well.

Mom ate only some broth for lunch and walked a couple of times. Dr. Skibber came at a point during which she was feeling okay, and so he gave the orders to release her once the pain management people had worked with her. That took place, and we started heading home at approx 7:57 on Thursday night. Mom slept most of the way, and then it happened...

...we were probably 20 or 30 minutes from her house (I was driving pretty slowly) when she woke up very suddenly and told me she was going to vomit. I pulled over, and that she did. We turned right back around to make it to the ER around 10. They didn't get her in a room until 1:30 this morning.

The first doctor thought she might have some obstruction so he ordered X-rays. Nothing. He called one of the surgeons in, and she basically said that this was somewhat 'normal' for some people after this type of surgery. Her large bowels haven't had to work since May, and they haven't really woken up. Initially they were going to do a CT scan to see if there was in fact obstruction, but she said that if there was, they wouldn't change the course of action.

So Mom is being admitted one more time. They'll keep the fluids going so that she only drinks for taste at the beginning. She'll have to really walk, walk, walk because that's what will help her intestines wake up...that and slower progression into the whole eating thing.

Things have settled now, but let me tell you how angry, upset, hurt, sad, and crazy this all made me when it was happening. Vomiting while you have stomach incisions is NOT fun. I absolutely hate that this is yet one more thing my mom has to endure. It's like it never stops.

So for those of you who read and believe the Bible - I was thinking earlier - do you remember in the book of Job when God was having conversations with satan (lower-case s emphasized)? He was like, "Here's my man, Job...there is no one on earth like him...he fears the Lord..." Satan comes back and says to him basically that the only reason Job is so upright is because God has blessed him so much. However, if He were to strike everything he had, Job would surely curse God. So God allowed Satan to touch everything that Job had. Everything, including his children.

Job still didn't curse God. Satan came back and told God this time that if He struck Job's flesh and bones, he (Job), would certainly curse God. You know the rest.

Do you ever wonder if God still has conversations with satan? Why not? During the past couple of years, and especially this one, I not only wonder, but I almost certainly have to believe that God is having conversations with satan about some of us. The same kind of Job conversations.

I think I may have failed the test, but like Job, I find in my mom someone who (as God said of Job) hasn't cursed God and who has kept her integrity. I haven't had to endure much of anything, and I've pretty much cursed everything that exists. I can't imagine what shape I would be in if I had to endure even just a bit of what my mom has seen the past year. It's just unbelievable. It's like God has been saying to satan, "...she is in your hands...but spare her life." That's what he said to him about Job. He put Job in satan's hands (*jaw drops*). Theologically, I don't even know if any of this...works out, but if he conversed with satan back then, why wouldn't he now? I'm just saying. Whether or not it theologically works out, it's my story and my blog.

Here's some more confession for ya - sometimes I feel like Job's wife who said to Job, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" I really hate watching this process take place with my mom. All the little things and then the big things - they add up, and they make me want to say that sometimes.

What I'm trying to remember is not to believe lies. And what I'm trying to remember is that I'm a believer that there is this God somewhere who loves my mom beyond anything I can imagine. It's beyond a parent's love for his child. It's beyond everything. Yuck junk things happen in this sinful world of ours, and we'll never, on this side of heaven, understand it all. Don't try to explain it to me because I've reasoned with everything and everyone. We'll never on this side understand it. What I am choosing to stand on is my faith. It's all I have left. Faith in this God, who in my belief, is watching out for each of us. You may be someone who doesn't believe that, and that's fine. I don't feel sorry for you. I feel sadness that you don't have that hope that I have. Without it, I would be in terrible, terrible shape. Some can live that way, but I know I can't. I wouldn't make it without the comfort of believing that there is a God who truly cares.