UnSocial and the 4th

I am well aware that the word anti-social should've been used at the bottom of my last blog...or so according to others; HOWEVER, I associate the word anti-social with being against socializing, and that's not what I was referring to. It's one thing to be against it and another to not do it because...because. *roll eyes*

So we hadn't really planned to watch fireworks anywhere because from where the camper is located, you can see fireworks displays in just about every direction. Ah, that's one cool thing about Kansas - fireworks are allowed within city limits, unlike anyplace in Texas I've ever lived. So people go crazy with them. Kinda nice out in the country, but I'm sure if I lived in any city here, I'd be calling the cops on all the drunk people setting fires in the streets. Anyway, I was kinda in the dumps because it had (and still has) been raining almost completely non-stop since we got here on Friday...which means being stuck inside most of the time...which makes for a fussy Xander. Kids love the outdoors. Kids NEED the outdoors even at this age.

So I'd given the kid his bath after a late nap and mentioned to Nathan I really wanted to have a white people 4th just one year complete with fireworks. Well, it was too late for the other stuff, but he grabbed his wallet and within 27 seconds we were on our way to a local fireworks show. It was past 930...way past Xander's bedtime, especially cinsidering he had stayed up the night before as we did our own fireworks stuff AND the kid can't sleep past 630 a.m. because the camper let's in SOOOOO much light in the mornings. I didn't care. There was a break in the clouds, and I was so going to take advantage.

I'm glad we did. It was so nice to be out that late (lol - wow, how things change with baybays) with both my Nathan and my son even though we caught only the last 15 minutes or so of the whole thing. It was a nice break from all the traveling, from the rain, and from all our movement. I was sad that my mom couldn't be with us, but next year...yes, I think next year I will change how we do some stuff.

Thanks, husband, for driving like a maniac on those old, Kansas dirt roads to get me some fireworks. You're the best.

Funky Town

On one side of our family, we have lots of kids of all kinds and ages. On the other side, there are few and mainly boys...well the ones who are around. Recently one family member from the all boys side was saying to me,"Xander's great, but we're still waiting for our girl." This is said to me maybe every month or two, and by this time I'm just really annoyed with it. So rather than gracefully and tactfully shrug it off or respond with, "well, maybe next time," I snap back with, "Well, isn't that just how we all are - ungrateful and dissatisfied with what God gives us?" And I walked away.

And right away I had to point the finger right back at myself.

How often have I wanted more when I have everything I could need and then some? I notice that gratitude has been a recurring theme in my latest blogs. Hmmm. I always thoght I was a pretty grateful person, but it seems the older I get, the easier it is to complain. Not good.

I'll be honest people - it's easy to complain when I'm in Kansas. I just sent someone a text earlier that said "I hate Kansas." Why all this hate? There's good here. Really, there is. And if I really think about it, could it be that I am here for "such a time as this?" I'm not trying to be deep here but maybe just have a little more perspective and appreciation for the situation.

So...with that, thanks, Jesus, for a land of nothing (Kansas) that you can make something out of for us.

Ok, but are all country people this unsociable? Really?

Peas and Gas

You know how you go from a link on one blog to another blog to another and end up reading all kinds of random stuff? Yeah, you know you do it. The screen on my lappy is kaputz so I've been relying on my phone and the use of my mom's computer. The phone works great except it's a little slower than a PC and makes the battery die more quickly; therefore, I try not to browse the WWW on it much. Anyway, I haven't had much of an opportunity to do much browsing, but I did get to a blog the other night that made me ever-so-grateful yet again.

I have many sleepless nights because...well, for many reasons. I totally screwed up Xander's sleep associations, and trying to break that habit with him is...not yet hopeless. But not getting but a few nights of more than 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep for months on end sure can make daytime decision making kinda crazy. And it can make me super moody if I don't watch it. So anyway, I was having one of those days. I just needed a few hours of straight sleep. Wasn't gonna happen. Xander is having more issues than ever taking a bottle. So I decided to browse and came upon a blog of a girl about my age with a couple of kiddos. I don't know why the kiddos aren't breastfeed, and that's none of my business, but after reading about all the crazy meds her youngest is on and the crazy expensive formula, I thanked Jesus yet again for providing me with great nutrition for my baby boy. And I said out loud, "I will nurse him all night long if I need to..."

So, of course, the very next night I think Xander wanted to see how true that was. Lol. I had to laugh every time he woke up...every single hour...and I knew what was bothering him - stinkin gas. Poor kid. It's those peas I give him when I eat dinner. I forgot that I can't feed him peas in the evening. But hey, I'm finding humor in this now.

1. I need to check my emails. I can do it through my phone, and all day long I get these email notifications on it so I usually deal with them right then (or as close to right then as possible) so that I don't get behind. I tried to make myself feel more productive today so I ignored emails.

2. I polished my toe nails today for the first time in a long time. Years ago I threw away anything that had to do with nail polish because of the toxic junk in it all. In 2008 I bought some again just because and used it for a couple of months. Today I pulled it out, and Xander wanted to eat my toes.

3. That dumb sleep book only worked for like 2 nights. We're back to square 1. Well, maybe it's all this back and forth from Texas to Kansas. Either way, I like to blame everyone else for Xander's incessant night-waking, and I like to curse every living thing as well when he does it. It's not as bad actually. He still wakes, but with the help of said book, I'm feeling more refreshed.

4. My lappy is still broken, and therefore, I'm still blogging from my phone...which I will stop for tonight because it could be cause #65 for Xander's 19th waking.

just blah

Car stuff is stupid. There is a reason I don't deal with car stuff, and that is because I know nothing about cars. I also don't pretend to know about cars. I simply leave that up to Nathan. One day when I can get on a computer that works, I'll share a story about how I asked a dude at Walmart for an engine.

Anyway, it feels awesome when mechanics take advantage of me because I'm stupid when it comes to cars. Ugh. Never, never. I said it before, and I need to just stick to it - leave the car stuff to Nathan. I got jipped today, and that really upsets me.

Not just that but do you ever feel like you just don't cut it? Today I don't feel like I'm cut out for this mom business. I don't say that to get your sympathy or for you people to email me sweet little notes. I had a rough day, and that happens. I've never believed in dwelling on or living by how I feel for feelings are fickle. It'll all be okay. It was just a rough day, and I that's ok.

Since You've Been Gone

You're visiting some people off and on during the summer. You've been away for a couple of weeks when upon your return, they say, "It was SOOOO nice not having anyone around."

Think I've worn out my welcome? That would be a yes.

It Washes White as Snow

So I was going to be posting more regularly...then SPLAT! My computer broke. I'm using my phone right now; it's just not the most ideal way to blog. It IS pretty handy, though, isn't it? Who would've thought 50 years ago that you'd be able to do this...get connected to what we call the WWW through a handheld device? Pretty stinkin cool, people. Hey, I'm working on being positive.

Can I just say how incredibly blessed I am to be married to my husband? Just when I was gonna have my weekly complaint venting session, out of nowhere he starts talking about how spoiled we are. "We" was in reference to Americans. We'd had a conversation with a friend who really wants to get married and have babies...but there's no prospect...and Nathan says it's because we've all become too spoiled...because she wants someone who has all his ducks in a row...and then some...someone who makes at least $75k/year, has a house already, paid-for cars, an established career, etc. Nathan says it's marrying for money; she says she's just no spring chicken. Well, there are many more issues we could go into with all that, but he reminded me yet again of how blessed we are.

I can complain about the government, politics, the FDA, Kansas, and this camper, but I've still got it made. I'm not out on the streets begging for bread. Nathan reminded me that in India thousands of people lay on the filthy streets, not having eaten for days. We've witnessed some of the worst poverty in life first-hand. People, children, babies living in some awful conditions.

Yet here I am complaining about laying on an old-school mattress because the crazy springs jab my hips, ribs, back all night long. Some people would give anything not to lay on concrete.

I complain about having lost sleep not only because Xman wants to nurse all night long, but this time because the loud rain on this tin and metal kept waking him...not to mention the wind that shool the thing all night long. Then there are people who don't get shelter from the rain. And there are people who would gladly nurse all night long if they could just have a baby.

I have my health. That's more than probably 6 out of 10 people.

I live a life of luxury compared to millions of people on this earth. So why am I complaining??

Dear Jesus, please forgive me for behaving like a spoiled, rotten child. Cultivating a grateful heart in my children starts with me. Let me not so easily forget how very, very blessed I am.

Again the Food Snob - Water

I think it was my brother who first called me a food snob. I was going to spend about a week with him and his family, and I took some of my own food. Now, just so you don't completely write off my tact, I don't typically take my own food when I go to someone else's house, whether it be for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or just for fun. I will eat whatever the host is making period. And I enjoy it completely. HOWEVER, if I plan on spending more than a few days wherever I am, I will probably take a few things that to me are almost essential.

I don't drink homogenized or pasteurized cow's milk. I just don't. I gave it up years ago, and I don't miss it a bit. I make sure I get my vitamin D through sunshine and my diet. The same with calcium. These are some of the reasons. I had some a couple of times after Xander was born, and I realized more the reason why I'll continue to stay away from it - a large percentage of babies can't tolerate cow's milk protein. What's crazy is that many breastfeeding moms are told by their babies' pediatricians that their babies are lactose intolerant when in reality it's probably a food sensitivity and very likely it could have something to do with the mom drinking cow's milk. But instead of recommending an elimination diet, doctors too often place the baby on formula. Sometimes very expensive prescription formula, and baby has to miss out on the amazingness of breast milk.

But moving on.

So because I don't drink cow's milk, and most Americans don't get raw milk from the farm down the road, I take my own almond milk if I think I'm going to need milk at all.

I may also take my own sprouted bread. Most Americans have now bought into the 'whole grain' thing. Whole grains are great if they're not overprocessed and overkilled. When allowed to sprout, they're great. But most people don't know about this, and so in order not to jam my system with bread my body can't process well, I take my own if I plan to be there more than a day or two.

Those are a couple of the main things I'll take with me when spending several days away from home. It was during one of those trips to see my brother and his family that they looked at me like I was sticking up my nose at them, and my brother said something about, "...so you're stuck up about what you eat? you're a snob about it?..." And that's what he called me for a while - a food snob. I don't know if my family understand why I do what I do, but at least they don't get offended by it. By now they're used to me.

So recently a couple of people asked me how it is that I eat, what I eat, and how I stay healthy (for the most part). One friend specifically wanted to know how I lost my 'baby weight' so quickly after having Xander.

Little by little I'm going to blog about our family's eating habits. But to start with, read my friend, Missi's blog. I've referenced this blog because it's pretty much how we eat in our home. There are things I don't follow and other things I do that she doesn't, but all in all, it's a great article on how to begin eating well.

So if you want to do one thing today, here's something to do - drink water. Stop drinking sodas and sugar-laden fruit juices and drink water. Drink water, drink water, drink water.

Reason #415...

...that Kansas gets on my nerves - dirt roads. Country dirt roads. They're everywhere. We're staying on one. And they get my car dirty. Nathan took the time to wash the mud off my car from the last time it rained, and I had to track through the dumb roads. As soon as we go back on the dirt road, his efforts seem futile. They're nill. No, the car isn't muddy; but it's dirty yet again.

I wouldn't care so much, but I'm not a fan of getting myself dirty each and every time I step in/out of the car.

It's only a season. It's only a season.

Now for good things...
...

...check back later.

Let It Be

The Beatles had it right: "Speaking words of wisdom, let it be." In my life, it's more like 'let it go.' That's what I've had to do in order to find peace. I've mentioned before how the perfectionist in me holds people to a certain starndard, and I base my acceptance (essentially that would mean love) of those people based on how well they perform. That's all according to my standards, of course. Over and over I keep on having to learn this lesson or something. I don't know why, but I just have issues.

This past weekend Nathan & I were having a good time until he brought up a particular subject and particular people we've known a while. People he knows I don't care for very much. They're nice, but I don't particularly care to call 'em up to see how they're doing. Nathan thought I should. I literally just told him, "Whatever."

My attitude went from bad to really bad over something really ridiculous. These people haven't done anything to me, but boy I could really come up with how they had hurt me indirectly.

So I decided to see what would happen if I just followed his advice a little bit rather than my own.

Ugh. It worked. All it took was a little minding my own business and a little kindness. And a little humility and a little bit of Jesus. *sigh* I'm such a mess.

Along Came a Spider

It's a movie that I'm sure I've seen but of which I have no recollection. Anyway, I thought you should know that I just killed yet another spider. On the ceiling. Of the camper. In which I'm staying. AAAHHH! For real, dude? Yeah. I have spider issues, people. Big issues. I used to have recurring nightmares of giant mechanical spiders and roaches chasing me. And now I'm supposed to be ok with them sleeping with me and my boy. The 28 year-old boy should be sleeping out here; not me! How am I supposed to fall asleep now?

Dear God, help me. Amen.

Dorothy Left

Being in a place that is not my favorite, aka Kansas, tends to bring out some rotten attitudes out of me. And for all you people more spiritual than me - yes, I know, I know attitudes are choices blah blah blah. Whatever. I cave to those attitudes way more here just because we're out in the country. Without people. And it's colder than Texas. And when it warms up finally, there's tornado warnings all the time and stormy weather. And when it's not raining, it's SOOOOOOO windy. And when all that calms down, it's just hot. I don't feel any in-between weather. It went from 50 and 60 degree weather to 80something just like that.

There's also no WFM. Ok so there's a place called Whole Foods. NOT the WFM we're thinking about.

And the farmer's market just sucks.

And I'm sure I could go on and on. Yes, I could.

But I'm choosing to name 2 good things for every complaint I have because really...my complaints are junk compared to what things could be like. I'm a very blessed person. Complaining is for spoiled people.

So being out in the country - 1) lots and lots of pretty foliage that my MIL spends her time taking care of; 2) nothing like this kind of fresh air

The weather - 1) the rain brings about the pretty flowers and that awesome garden; 2) wind...the wind helps when it's super hot.

Food - 1) no WFM, but there's Green Acres, and they have almost all the stuff I would get at WFM...just on a smaller scale; 2) Dillon's Marketplace has an amazing section of Organic Foods, and they even carry sprouted bread. Amazing. I'll even add 3) no big farmer's market, but the one they have has the exact kind of vendors I was looking for.

Now if only they could build a Costco...

Hyperbole

Need a good laugh? Visit this blog.

I don't care what you say about it, laugh. And laugh 'real good.'

Brest is Best - Breastfeeding

I'm a big believer in breastfeeding. Huge. Not only are the benefits amazing for baby, but they're also really great for mom. From lowering risk of breast cancer to helping you lose that baby weight, breastfeeding is the way to go.

There are times when women can't breastfeed, and they have their reasons. But people, please, if it's because it's just dang painful at the beginning, DON'T GIVE UP. And I can say that because I had major issues at the beginning and was in utter pain each and every time Xander latched onto one side. And by utter I mean I would cringe and had to hold a pillow with one hand for dear life while holding his head with the other. It was so bad at first that it brought me to tears. This experience was far from what I had imagined nursing would be like, and it lasted for 8 weeks. I never looked forward to nursing and almost gave up every single day.

But take heart. It gets better. I promise.

I fought hard to breastfeed my Xander because breast is just best. Again, there are reasons for which women sometimes just can't, but if you can, I urge you to stick with it and do it.

My Xander had some puking issues for a little while there, and had I taken him to a doctor, they would've told me he had reflux and put him on formula and who knows what else. How do I know this? Because I have a friend who had similar problems with her little girl, and that's what they did. By similar I mean almost exact. Xander had ALL symptoms of reflux. Now I know they say that a lot of babies have a case of it that they eventually grow out of. This was a little more than that. Anyway, I started an elimination diet. I cut stuff out of my diet little by little, and that cleared up not just the 'reflux,' but other stuff as well. I've been able to eat most things by now, but there are still things I avoid. Guys, I went as far as not eating wheat for a while, which was kinda hard to do with a new little one.

Anyway, here's a great breastfeeding resource that I used a ton at the beginning and still use for random questions. This article was one of the reasons I fought so hard to breastfeed my Xander.

In the end, each mom has to choose what she will do. Our kids will all turn out fine. However, I do encourage you to fight to breastfeed if you can. It's worth it.

Carry On

Life does go on. Whether or not my baby wakes up 99 times at night or not, life goes on, and so will we. I saw this at Target the other day.


Stay calm. Be encouraged, my friends, and know that this too shall pass.

Be a Food Snob

People have asked me how to begin eating healthy, etc etc. My friend wrote a great article on it. This, folks, is basically how we eat as well. Really, it's pretty simple. It can seem overwhelming, but start with little things.

The Need for Speed

I'm convinced more than ever ever ever that we were created to be people of community. Period. I'm a first-time momma. And sometimes I feel like an old one at that. Most of my friends are going on at least their 2nd or 3rd child, but I'll have you know that had it been my choice, I would've started with the kiddos a long time ago. We just trust Jesus with that one. Anyway, I feel so old sometimes, so you'd think I would've come into this with a little more knowledge. Not so. I'm very immature at parenting. And very naive. And very ignorant. Not so much dumb, just ignorant.

Xander has never been the greatest sleeper. He's not the worst, he's just not the greatest. Well, not-the-greatest turned into pretty awful over the past month or so. He was waking up every 3 or 4 hours (at night). Not bad. That felt like a breeze. Then it became every 2 hours, and then the boy decided he'd wake every hour.

Now, no, I don't have a lot of stuff I do. I don't have any other children or other major responsibilities. He's it. So I didn't complain. I just took it as it came every night. I figured it was teething or growth spurt or all the running around with moving and packing and trips and whatnot. But after a month I got drained. Bad. And I didn't want to admit it because why complain when he's it?? If he's all the responsibility I have...I didn't want to sound like a wuss or a sissy.

I got a hold of the no-cry sleep book a few days ago, and praise God in heaven who does live, this stuff is working. No, we're not yet where I want to be, but I actually feel a little refreshed for the first time in a LONG time. Yes, Xander reverted to old ways last night, but things are still looking better.

This is why we need community - because I'm not the only one who has ever dealt with it. Don't most moms? And I'm not the last. And I just feel like I'm making all kinds of mistakes with my poor kid. Thank God they're so forgiving at this age. The first-borns - they're like guinea pigs.

Anyway, we're in Kansas right now. A place where it seems people don't believe in community as much as other places. Just sayin.

Just Stuff

1. Moving - kinda done...sorta...the kitchen is what's left. Been all over Dallas this past week, and thank God my lil guy is so adaptable. We'll finish up this weekend and head to Kansas next week sometime...I think. We'll be back in TX...sometime. I love gypsy life.
2. I love hummus, but mine never turns out like the one at Central Market or Whole Foods.
3. I've gotten really behind the past 3 weeks in getting bday and thank you cards addressed and mailed. And I was doing so well. I plan to get back on track as it was one of my goals this year.
4. I am addicted. to. sugar.

When the Oceans Rise...

I'm on a roll tonight, but I have to be when I have the time...and lots of thoughts. I just don't always share my thoughts. Tonight, though...

...I'm a little sobered. While my mom was going through cancer treatments back in 2008, my childhood best friend's mom, Theresa, was diagnosed with breast cancer and began treatments as well. We were all so happy and celebrated with her and the family when she finished her treatments. All seemed to be going so well...and it's back. With a vengeance. And it makes me so super angry.

Rachel (my friend and Theresa's daughter...who also married a cousin of mine...so she's like my cousin now) sent me a text this morning with the news, and I was immediately heartbroken. Of course, I went through the whole spill with Nathan "...it's so unfair...it really sucks...I just don't understand...I'm so sad...it makes me mad...etc.." The human emotion of it all. It's just dumb. It's nonsense. It makes me mad that we have to deal with this on earth. I do understand that we live in a fallen world, blah blah. But it makes me mad anyway.

Someone said that it's not time for sympathy but for prayer. Although I agree with the prayer part, I guess I can't help but empathize. I think that's what causes us to pray. To hope. To ask Jesus for His grace through this.

Theresa was beginning some natural treatments a couple of weeks ago, but I'm not sure what they'll do now. The cancer isn't just in her lymph nodes, but it has also spread to her lungs and her bones. That's all I know. No idea what the docs want to do.

This is just what's on my mind. As I explained above, their family is like family...not just because my cousin married Theresa's daughter, but through my teenage years, Rachel (again, Theresa's daughter) was my best friend. I spent lots and lots of time with the family, and she married my cousin, Albert, whose dad gave me away at my wedding. Confused much? I know. It makes sense in my head, though this post is all over the place. Just lots on my mind.

Thank you, Jesus, that you are in control and care for us in a way that we can't even comprehend. You have the whole world and little us all in Your hands. Thank you for holding us in the palm of your hand. Though we can't understand the what's and the why's, we trust you. Help us see You in all things.

Oh, and He's also Super Xander

One of Xander's nicknames is X-man, but let me tell you, this Superman outfit sure is awesome on him so he'll be Super Xander too. Here's my lil caped hero. And yes, even super heroes need their rubber duckies.