Abiding and Waiting

This hasn't been the greatest week for Mom. She had some vomiting a couple of times due to a diet coke and then attempting a salad. She has still been eating well, but because of the vomiting and a little diarrhea, she's lost weight. This morning she wasn't even hitting 95 lbs. In order for her to heal properly post-surgery, she has to be at a point in which she's strong (maintaining weight, no vomiting, etc.). We go in on Monday to do pre-operative tests and such, and if things remain this way, I have a feeling the surgeon will postpone. He doesn't want to put her in a situation of complications after the surgery.

It can be very discouraging to have this kind of issue so close to the date of the surgery. I wonder what in the world I'm doing wrong, what I could've done to prevent it, blah blah. The thing is - I think we're all doing the best we can considering the circumstances. All else is out of our hands. We have to just put our trust in God for the timing of everything.

Mom is also trying to sell her house. She lives about an hour and a half away from the rest of the family, and it's no longer convenient. The reason she and her husband moved out there anyway no longer exists, so they're trying to sell it quickly and move closer to the rest of the family. So far nothing has happened with it, and that can be discouraging as well. After Mom's surgery we want to be at her house...but it's so far from everyone should we need more help...so if any of you are looking for a 4 bedroom house in El Campo, feel free to email me :)

What else has been going on? Hmmm...I've been learning lessons...well, sorta. You know, I used to be this constant 'machine.' What I mean is that when challenges came up, I just took is as they came. I responded well because I had to; I felt like I was in these positions that required that of me. And there's this thing about abiding - the John 15 thing about abiding in the Vine. We can't bear fruit if we're not abiding in Him.

During the past year I've faced the most difficult challenges of my life. It's been one major thing after another. Lately I've been reflecting on my response to each of those challenges, and I'm understanding a bit more how John 15 applies to my life right now. See, when I was abiding (staying connected and in the Word), responding to situations with a right heart and attitude just happened. When I wasn't 'abiding,' my heart hardened, and I quickly reacted instead of responding.

I'm thinking of a particular situation our family had to face last September that really rocked me. I was doing well with it at first, but then I started to drift a little. Slowly my heart hardened, my attitude changed, and I got angry and bitter about the whole thing. So I decided I didn't care anymore and acted and did things that just weren't me. Don't worry - I didn't do anything crazy. I just acted in a way that was out of character for me. Thank God for great husbands who love us through our nonsense. Nathan just listened, loved, and tried to be as understanding as he could. He also loved me enough to tell me the truth about my attitude and heart and all that. Was there good reason for me to be so upset and angry and stuff? Sure, but it was my response that wasn't the greatest.

So now here I am in the yuckiest situation ever - watching my mom deal with the most ridiculous sickness. I hate it, and yeah, it makes me angry. When the symptoms of this stuff arise, I admit that I have to work really hard at directing my anger. The little things can get to me just as bad as the big things. Like today, it's hard not to be discouraged about my mom's weight loss. It means a setback. It could mean postponing her surgery. But really, what I need to do is chill out and look a little further. So what if her surgery is postponed? Sure, we want to more forward, but premature surgery could be bad news in the long run. So what if we have to wait a little longer? It just means mom will be better off. It means waiting, but waiting isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's what we do with the waiting time. Wait on Him. That's what I have to do daily. Wait on Him and see what He has in store.