Thanksgiving

I changed my mind. Maybe it'll be a time of reflection after all. The thing with me is that it's always a time of reflecting. I'm Mrs. Analytical herself so everything requires a little reflection, a little analyzing.

Every evening, I try to have the same kind of nursing routine...meaning I put phone, internet, tv, everything aside to nurse Xander for the last time before bedtime. I can do this still because there's only him, and I'm taking full advantage of it. I take this time to 'reflect.'

Last night I really needed it. Our space issue has become an issue to me lately, and last night I let Nathan know how irritated I was with our space or lack thereof. We never planned on living in this 2-bedroom apartment long. So we never totally unpacked. We have a closet-full of boxes of books, pictures, etc. That's mainly it actually. I used to love me my books so I never got rid of them. I have lots. And pictures - well, that speaks for itself. Personal pictures, hanging pictures, pictures. Well, not long turned into a year, and with a little one, I'm feeling crammed. His stuff is all over his room. There's the crib, which is kinda used as storage half the time. Then there's the dresser/changing table. Ok. Then the rocking chair by the window...right in front of the rack that I use to dry his cloth diapers. Then there's his car seat and the swing, which he doesn't like to sit in anymore but likes to watch it swing. Then there's his hamper because it doesn't fit in our room...oh and the pail for the soiled diapers. I'm sure I'm missing a few things. Yes - the boxes for the Christmas stuff we took out. I don't know how they'll fit back into the closet once the stuff is put away.

Our bedroom is no better, but I'll spare the drama.

I was just getting annoyed with never being able to have a somewhat picked up place. I only have 1 child. Our place shouldn't feel so crammed, but it does. And last night I shared my frustration with the ever-patient Nathan. God bless him.

Then I sat down on my bed to nurse. And as I talked to my God in a way that I'm just now learning to do, I realized how selfish and spoiled I am. I have so much for which to be thankful. This has been a year of amazing blessings, the greatest of which was sitting on my lap...often peeking up at me and smiling. I have so much and yet here I was complaining about a lack of space.

There are many who don't have any space.

There are many who don't have boxes of books.

There are many who don't have beds, swings, much less toys.

An acquaintance was recently talking about what a great year it had been for her because she was now with child, had a new job, was promoted, and had so much stuff. Literal stuff. She was saying that God was good to her.

I'm sure He is and has been, and that's great.

But I guess it made me realize how often I relate God's goodness to stuff and circumstances. Really, He either is good or isn't. Many times, however, I look at life around me and wonder, "Where did I mess up?" or "Where is He?" or "Why ___?" Things and circumstances don't change the character of God. He is. And He doesn't change. And His blessings may or may not be material and may or may not be circumstantial. If that makes sense. If I get an amazing new job, God is good. But if I'm passed for someone else, He's good still. Our definition of 'good' probably isn't His. If I get an amazing new car, He is still good...and because of that, I will be okay.

In my head I've been complaining about so much when really I have it 'pretty good.' I do. A while back, I used to see life as a series of mountains and valleys. I heard someone say once that maybe it's more like a railroad track - there are 'good' things and some not-so-good things. There are fun things, there are un-fun things. I think that's where I stand.

There's a lot up in the air for us the next couple of years. A lot. I want to remember to be thankful because in spite of the messes in life, there's a lot of 'good.' Some of the messes are for good...but that's another blog.

So tonight I am thankful. I'm thankful for the people I call family and friends, and for the friends who are like family.

I'm thankful that my mom is doing better than she was last year and that she's around to enjoy her new grandson.


I'm thankful for my hard-working husband, who I love watching as a father now


I'm thankful for this little blessing. I'll never be the same.


I'm so thankful for so many things. This coming year I want to be thankful.