Update 4.6.08

So most of the time no news is good news. That's basically what it's been this past week...for the most part.

Mom's appointment with the doctor last Wednesday went pretty well. He said that her nutrition levels are going up, and her blood work was progressively looking better and better. He was very happy with what he was seeing. Awesome! He also said Mom could SLOWLY begin trying soft foods. She would be the only judge of what would or wouldn't work. Unfortunately, I think we were a bit aggressive with the soft foods, and we took a step back on Thursday. Because of that she didn't want to try anything Friday. Saturday (yesterday) she was completely out of energy all day long. She has been much better today. Her energy picked up, and we can tell that she definitely feels better than she did yesterday.

Mom's pain is at a minimum now ...that is until she eats. When she eats it still doesn't hurt the way it used to. Her stomach, we believe, is digesting things well because now she just hurts when she has to 'pass' the food...in other words have a BM. That is still terribly painful, and it's not the kind of pain that her pain meds will help. So, of course, this keeps her from eating. She's still receiving the TPN during the night, so we don't have to worry about her nutrition. The challenge is that she is hungry. For the first time since November or so, Mom has actually gotten her appetite back (which was actually one of our prayer requests). Well, maybe that's not what she needed so much. Sometimes it's so hard with this stuff from a day to day basis. So...she has her appetite and wants so badly to eat. At night when we lay down to sleep, her stomach will growl and growl from hunger. It's really hard when we're sitting down to eat...I hate putting food in my mouth knowing that she can't. Ugh. I wanted to go on a liquid diet with her, but for ceartain health reasons, I cannot do so at the time. I don't know if we should pray now for her appetite to leave until after her surgery...what to do...

Tomorrow we meet with the surgeon, who should be able to give us more of an idea on a date for the surgery. I don't think he'll give us an actual date. I think he has to wait for her intestines to completely heal and for her to gain weight. That could be a while. He may not, however, so I'm definitely looking forward to what he has to say.

I leave for Kansas on Wednesday and will return on Sunday or Monday. I'm mainly going to see Nathan and then to get a few of my things...if you haven't heard yet, he and I have decided to make the move. Yep, we are moving down to the Houston area. We don't know exactly where to yet, but it'll be somewhere close to Mom. I definitely couldn't be much help to her 987 thousand miles away from her, so we've decided that this is the best place for us at least for now. Kansas has been good, but I'm super excited about being close to this side of the family again. So I'll be picking up a few things this coming week. As for the rest of the move...we have no clue yet when all of that will happen, but all in its time.

Before I go, I just want to say how incredibly grateful I am. You know, things aren't easy. Life itself isn't easy, and going through this with Mom has been the hardest thing in my life as of yet. There are days that seem gloomy, dark, and downright depressing. Why depressing? To be honest, I just wonder. I wonder why. I wonder why in the world God would allow this. I know that He's so well capable of just making it all stop, much more just ease some of the 'stuff' that has come along with the complications. To be even more honest, I do my best to stay positive, but sometimes I don't do the best. Sometimes I'm pretty bad at it. Sometimes I'm really weak. So with all that said, I just want to say again that I'm grateful because in spite of the apparent 'darkness' that may be around us, there is light. There are blessings all around us, and I don't want to miss out on what I can learn in each and every situation.

I'm grateful for a husband who so selflessly is willing to pack up and move down here so that I can be close to my mom (and the rest of my family, of course, but my mom being the focus right now). I'm grateful for a husband who spent so much time with me on the phone the other night, reminding me of the light, reminding me that we live be faith and not by sight. I'm so awful - even when I remind him of his weakness(es), he doesn't even dwell on that. He reminds me that this earth is only temporary, and that what counts is the eternal. He reminds me to look up rather than down or around here on this earth.

I've always been a pretty optimistic person, but lately I don't really know what's gotten into me. The thing is that I don't want to be that person who focuses so much on the negative that she can't see the great things that are happening. I'm not that kind of person naturally, and I don't want to become that. So I leave with this - be thankful, Susy, for what you have. Things could be so much worse in so many ways. Thank Him that you are alive one more day to experience His goodness.