You know, I've said it before - I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to politics. I watch the news, I stay informed as much as possible and I read what I can...but I'm still way clueless. I don't claim to be able to speak intelligently when it comes to politics, BUT I can tell you this - I get pretty stinkin annoyed when one administration blames the previous one for the current problems. Hello! That comes with the territory. That's just how it is. This administration will inherit from the last; the last inherited from the previous and so on. Blaming them for the issues gets old. It's like me blaming my parents for my issues. It's playing the victim, and it's annoying.

Moving on.

I did it. Yesterday I went for my first run in a long time. Since running wasn't a regular part of my diet last year, my midwife didn't allow me to do any running while preggers. She said I could walk as much as I wanted, and did that, but I itched to run. I was itching to run for a while. Then I got big, and the itch was still there, but walking even a mile made my skin feel like I was stretching it beyond its limits. I know I wasn't; I was made for that. But oh, he got heavy.

So Xander came along, and the itch grew. So finally at 6 weeks, Rose Marie released me to run...start slow, she said, but at least I could run and lift a little more than baby's weight. I didn't, though...until yesterday. I slept in until 7...nursed the lil guy and then debated the whole running thing. At first I got back in the warm covers and closed my eyes to sleep in even longer. No. I needed to get my lazy behind out of bed and get to doing something...even if it was just to feel like I'd accomplished one thing. I ran. It was less than a mile, and I didn't break a sweat, but working my lungs felt so great. Thank you, God, for legs that run. And thank you, God, for husbands that keep baby...until I get my running stroller.

...and just because...

awww, he loves abuelita







Playing on the quilt from Aunt Janet


He was actually all smiles with Cara, but here's his serious moment

Birth Thoughts

So I was thinking about my labor experience...a crazy one, but one that I would not take back. I learned a lot from it. Like...

Low-pitch groans and sounds do so much more than high-pitched shrills and shreaks. I did some of both, and Ina May knows best. I also kept my jaw very loose by blowing 'raspberries' or that stuff that horses do, letting the lips do a flapping thing.

Being confined a bed would NOT have worked for me had I been in a hospital. I was moving around quite a bit, was in the shower and tub a lot before the real pool was filled, and I was down on all fours when a contraction hit (if I was walking around or whatever). I found that was the best position for me. That and then I either hugged Nathan or buried my face in the ground or in the mattress if I was next to the bed.

The water is amazing. Unfortunately I ended up having to get out, but boy, when I was either in the shower, tub or the pool, there was such relief. It was almost instant. Sure, the contractions were still there, but there was something about the water that was just pure relaxation. Too much for me we found out. Hopefully the next one won't be that way.

Good midwives are simply my heroes. Yes, I believe that had another midwife been taking care of us, we would've ended up at the hospital needlessly. In fact, the midwife assisting MY midwife was ready for us to go. She had asked Rose Marie if she was ready to take me. It was a thought, but thankfully a fleeting one for Rose Marie. She told me later that she did consider it. She took a couple of minutes away from it all and literally asked God for wisdom on what to do. We weren't in any danger, and because baby was literally just a couple of inches away, she was determined to see this through with my wishes in mind. I love my midwife. Oh, and great midwives will also 'threaten' you :) Yes, after Xander was born and we had done the bath thing and all that, all I wanted to do was eat, hold my baby and sleep. Well, not so easy. In blunt terms, she made me sit in the toilet as long as it took for me to pee. When I tried to get up and get into bed, she threatened me with, "You need to go or I'll have to cath you." Huh??? Cath, like catheter? Yes, like catheter. Apparently you have to do that or be catheterized (sp?). It took a few minutes, but her threat was enough to keep me there a little longer when all I wanted was to eat some pancakes. Thank God for amazing midwives.

Those are just thoughts I had today.

And with those thoughts, a few more recent pics. I can't get enough of him.


He LIKES time at the changing table. Let's hope it stays this way.


Sweetness


No boobie there, kiddo.


With Auntie Resa. I love this picture.


Playing with phone from Abuelita. This was his first time to actually hold it...couldn't catch the whole thing on camera.


With Daddy...who hasn't approved the posting of this shot...


Laughing with Abuelita


He holds his toys now

Thoughts on Mommyhood

I've been asked several times how I'm adjusting to my new calling as a mom. Hmmm...if you know me at all, it's a loaded question because, to a fault, I'm so stinkin' analytical.

I am LOVING being a mother. I love, love, love my son more than I can tell you. It was a bit rough at first because of the crazy issues I was having, but now that those issues settled, I'm loving it. Getting up in the middle of the night to nurse has become something I almost look forward to (most of the time)...if someone can...because I get to spend such special moments with Xander. He coos, I think likes it when I sing to him and just studies my face with his big eyes. I love it. I love the funny little things he does. I crack up all the time. I love it when he 'talks' to his daddy.

Mommyhood also very overwhelming. In a good way, I think. You know when you babysit for someone? Well, the parents always come back to get their kid. If there's something wrong, it's their responsibility to deal with it. Not so now. This is OUR child, and he's OUR responsibility. I feel completely ill-equipped to be a mother. I'm overwhelmed that God would find us 'fit' to raise this child. Who are WE?? He gave Xander to us so obviously He knows we can do it. But do I? Again - overwhelming.

Watching his actions and just looking at my son often brings me to tears. He's such a precious gift, and I'm beyond thankful and honored that I get to be in his life...for a LONG time. It's hard to believe still that he's ours and that he's here. Except when he cries. :)

My sleeping angel

Because I'm a Proud Mamma...

Labor and Birth

Because I've been asked, here's some of the story...

Sat, Aug 15 - contractions off and on all day. I just felt so tired and birthy (as my friend, Missi, calls it).

Sunday, August 16 - no real contractions all day. My mom had been coming to stay with me on the weekends since Nathan was working out of town. Evening came, and she didn't want to go home, but I insisted I was fine and that I'd call her if anything happened.

My "due date" wasn't for another week, but I had felt all along baby would show up "early." I put that in quotes because really due dates are estimates, and it bothers me that docs will sometimes use due dates to perform unnecessary c-sections...but moving on. (There are times c-sections are necessary, and that's not what I'm talking about here.) So my mom went home, and I got ready for bed...looking forward to my first week off from work...

...then some contractions. It was about 9:30 or 10 PM. I ignored them for a while. They continued. I got up and ate something, drank some water, took a shower and tried to sleep. Couldn't sleep through them. Ugh. Called my mom around 1. She came over and kept up with the contractions. I called my midwife around 2:30 and asked her if she thought I should call Nathan since it would take him about 6 hours to get here. She said to wait an hour and call him if they didn't stop. I called him. Then I called my friend, Theresa, who is training to be a doula. She came around 5:30 AM, and I was beginning to feel contractions way more. My midwife showed up at 7:30, and at that point the contractions required some real concentration.

Monday, August 17 9:30 AM - Nathan gets here just in time for the contractions to really get to me. And the back labor. It was ALL back labor, and it was getting worse. I mostly held on to and hugged Nathan while Theresa rubbed my back. Finally around noon I was able to get in the water, where I had wanted and planned to give birth. Wow. Some relief. I got to a 9.5 so Rose Marie (midwife) asked if I felt the urge to push. No. I felt the urge to relax. To make a long story short, the water relaxed me too much. I was dilated enough so that it shouldn't have slowed labor, but it did...something that is common, but it slowed way too much so eventually they made me get out.

At that point I was pretty exhausted since I had labored all night so I don't remember a lot. It was almost like an out of body experience, but I could feel EVERY SINGLE BIT of it. They made me squat and sit backwards on the toilet (opens up the pelvis), and at one point I remember telling Nathan, "People die of this. I think I'm dying..." From 12-3 PM I was in the pushing stage, but nothing was happening. Baby wasn't coming out, and it got crazy enough for a bit that they considered taking me to hospital. I'm glad they didn't.

Finally around 3:15 PM Nathan Alexander arrived. I was on the bed which was not planned but necessary for him to get the help he needed. There are several reasons he was delayed, but those only really matter to me. So yep, that's one version of how it all happened. My amazing husband didn't leave my side from the time he got home. My doula, Theresa, was so awesome to just do. I needed her to massage my back, and she did - from 5:30 am till I was on the bed. She's never done this before, never attended a birth, but it was as if she had been doing this all her life. My mom - she prayed, prayed and asked others to pray. Then she held my hand along with Nathan and was right there with me. Rose Marie was so great to help me realize my desire to birth at home. She took excellent care of me during labor, and I couldn't ask for a better midwife.

A lot of it at the end is kind of hazy because I was so out of it from exhaustion, but the most important part is that both mom and baby are happy and healthy.


About 5 weeks before Xander's arrival


With my friend, Leti. She gave birth about 10 days later



The night labor began. It amazes me how big my belly looked in a profile view. Looking down, I never felt as big as looking in the mirror from the side.


"Nathan, are you almost home?"


Labor...oh the back labor










And finally




His very first bath. It totally relaxed him.



Being weighed


With Daddy


With Abuelita


With Auntie Resa...the pictures fail to show how she was massaging my back the ENTIRE time. She was amazing.


Finally some rest

Nathan Alexander 8.17.09

For those who didn't know, Nathan Alexander Poffinbarger (we're calling him Xander for short) was born on Monday, August 17 at 3:15 PM at home. He weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and was 20.5 inches long. At the 2 week mark, he was already 7 lbs 14 oz and is over 9 lbs now. Here are a few pics. I'll post birth story another day.

Moments after birth


Daddy's first time to hold him


Happy Birthday


With Grandma


2 or 3 Days Old


10 Days


A little over 2 weeks


3.5 Weeks


1 Month After-Bath Hair


4 Weeks; Love that Poffinbarger nose


5 Weeks

Feathers

Have I mentioned that I have a serious problem? I have this crazy obsession with taking the feathers out of feather pillows. This is bad. And it's especially bad when I'm at a hotel and those pillows don't belong to me. They're someone else's property that I should respect and not vandalize. But it's just so hard not to, you know?

Okay, and I realized the other day on my way home from work that I'm clueless when it comes to newborns. I've been around babies before. I really have. My family is full of them. But I just don't have a clue. They say things will come naturally. Um, some things don't. That's why back in the day the older women taught the younger - because the younger can be clueless.

My stomach is sticking straight out, and I often hear, "Your stomach is so big for your body size." Lol. It still cracks me up, but yeah, from behind...nothing. Then BAM - stomach in the front, and it's getting heavy. Not so much wide-loading here but front-loading.

And no, no name yet for baby boy. Everyone keeps rushing us. I don't get the rush. Does it really affect everyone that much if we don't name him until he's born? ???

And yes, we're doing cloth diapers, and I thank all the wonderful people who have given me such great advice. And if you're one of those who just makes annoying comments about it, don't. Kindly keep it to yourself...otherwise the raging hormones get quacked out. It's like they got worse during this trimester. My boss can't believe how emotional and sensitive I can be. We're both D and C personalities - the demanding perfectionists. We don't take people's feelings into consideration very well. It's not natural for us. Not so these days for me. I'm a crazy.

Family drama - gotta love it. Everybody has it. I hate it. I'm not a very passive person most of the time, so if there's something to talk about, I'll do it. I'll bring it up. No, it's never easy, but I'd rather deal with it than pretend everything is okay and live fake lives. I think it's a load when people choose to live that way. It's wrong, and I refuse to do it.

Expectations - I've said it before - it's one of the main reasons we get so disgruntled with each other. We expect this and that out of someone, and when that someone fails to live up to that expectation, we get upset. I know it because I do it. There may be right expectations, but for the most part...I just have way high expectations out of people.

It's not all hormones, people.

On a happier note, I'm just about 36 weeks. People have asked if I'm having twins. It makes me laugh when they do. Someone said the other day, "You're just so big now that I can't imagine what you'll look like in a month." It's funny to hear people say that. No, it doesn't bother me. We're all different. We carry babies differently, so no matter how much weight I gain, it doesn't bother me. Being worried about that and silly stretch marks or growing cellulite seems way too superficial for me today. My baby occupies my mind a bit more. That and figuring out how I'll deal with labor. I'm a wimp. A super-wimp. God help us.

Oh, so did I mention that I had a really cool baby shower a couple of weeks ago? My aunt and my mom pretty much made it great. Yes, I brought together a number of people who didn't know each other, but they were all really great at making conversation with strangers. I have some fabulous friends. Anyway, my aunt, Ivonne, and my mom are pretty amazing. I just kinda sat back. Pictures to come soon.

Speaking of my mom - she's been doing pretty well for the most part. As I tell people when they ask, she has her bad days, but she deals with them and moves on. She certainly hasn't it let it stop her from helping me. She has come over and spend nearly every single weekend with me for a while, and we do baby stuff. Well, kinda. And we go to the farmer's market and this and that. I was afraid I would wear her out, but it may be the other way around. I can't even express how amazing it is to have my momma nearby right now. You have no idea. She's a rock star, a super hero.

That's all for now.

forealdo

it's 2 something in the a.m. i think almost 3

baby is churning as well. i want a window into my belly to see what in the world he's doing...how he shifts positions. as his space gets tighter, the more i actually feel my belly stretching. or something.

i don't make it a habit to wake up at midnight to hang out and watch animal planet or reruns of bill o'reilly. it's these frequent trips to the bathroom that sometimes keep me up. tonight i woke up hungry. very hungry. and baby hiccuping made me think he was hungry too. those 2 could be totally unrelated, but i figured eating might help me sleep. not yet. it is well with my soul.

oh so how about this crazy weather? we've already had several days over 100. well, that was in june...early even for texas. yesterday on my way home from work, it was sunny and all was good for me to stop at the farmer's market to get a few things...until ice started falling from the sky. no joke. it got windy, started raining, and the hail. the news never warned me about it so i was pretty annoyed.

i was talking to another incubating friend recently, and we talked about how people feel sorry for us because we have to 'go through the entire summer pregnant.' seriously? it's hot outside whether or not we're incubating. it's hot regardless, so people, don't worry. yes, it's hot, but i actually have more issues when i'm indoors and can't seem to cool off.

i have about 7 more weeks to go. or whatever. crazy. is it wrong to say that sometimes it seems unfair how quickly time passes? my morning walks have gotten slower and shorter. i was doing a good 4 mi in one hour and then a lil more on weekends. not so anymore. it takes me 15-18 min to do one mile. so i stick to 1 or 2. it doesn't feel like enough when i think about it, but it sure can wear me out. i almost have to carry my belly sometimes.

and tiredness hits finally...

A Time for Everything

You know, there are things we take for granted all the time. Most of the time it's people. We don't realize how much we like having them around until they're not around for whatever reason.

We may also take our health for granted, food, etc. Something I continue to appreciate and hope to never take for granted are blinkers and horns. You know blinkers - the ones in our cars that we're supposed to use when turning or changing lanes. Seriously, they were placed in our vehicles for a reason - to be used. A right turn deserves a right signal, and a left turn deserves a left signal. Changing lanes also calls for using a signal. Please use them and quit annoying the stink out of everyone. Oh, and after you've changed lanes, turn it off. Turn the blinker/signal light off. That little noise in your car should be a reminder, but apparently it doesn't annoy everyone as much as me. So just turn it off. What turns on must also turn off.

As for car horns - there's a time to use them and a time not to use them. The time not to use them is when you drive up to someone's home, and you're waiting for person to come outside. Unless it's an emergency, there's really no need for that. It's rude, so stop it. It's also rude to drive up to a pregnant woman when she's entering her place of work, honk at her, and expect her to walk to your car to give you directions. Seriously? Next time I won't just tell you what I think about that, I'll tell you the way I played it in my head. I'm not cattle nor a dog that I need to be honked at to get my attention. Get out of your car if nothing else but for the exercise and ask for directions.

A time to use car horns - when the rude people in traffic won't let you in, seriously cut you off so that there's a near accident, and...well, there are many reasons. Use them. That's why cars were created with them. My favorite way of honking is the LONG honk. I don't just do the 'beep beep' thing. No, I'm one of those who presses her hand to the horn for a good 10 seconds (at least), until all of my frustration about the situation has been released. Then I go about my marry way.

P.S. On a lighter note, happy 4th.

Do It Anyway

So a couple of months ago I was around some really annoying people. Well, maybe it wasn't the people but the poor, little people produced by these people. I felt bad because I don't want to raise annoying children. I hate to even say that about anyone. It's just that when kids aren't disciplined, you can totally tell. But what about when you do discipline them, and they act like terrors anyway???? What then????? Ugh...I'll make more mistakes than anyone when it comes to that I'm sure. I know I will. But people, please kick me in the head if I don't discipline my children. It does, after all, mean that I love them. Anyway, I don't want the whole world to not want to be around us because our kids are so obnoxious. At least we'll love them, right??? How scary is parenting?!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!

And how about I met a couple whose 10 or 11 year-old daughter had no clue what breastfeeding was. She saw a lady breastfeeding for the first time the other day, and she freaked out. Remind me to live in a way that my kids know that's normal.

And how about when people call you to see how you're doing, and for about 42 minutes they talk about themselves and their boringness...I mean their...something?

But how about husbands who listen to you when you're crying for no apparent reason? Thank you, hormones. Or when they listen to you cry over the ducks that are crossing the road that will probably get run over, but you can't stop and help them because you're already running late? Or husbands who are totally supportive of you even after you say mean things to them? Oh, and then they apologize when they don't even have to...

This stuff is for real yo.

Baby Blue

Lots been happening so I'll try to summarize...

Boy oh boy - it's a boy. Yep, we found out a couple of months ago. I'm not a proponent of a hundred purposeless sonograms, but we agreed to do 1 and happened to find out that we're having a son. How exciting is that?! When people ask, and I tell them, it seems they like to use this line right afterwards, "Oh, I bet your husband is so happy." Uh, he would be happy either way folks. We weren't biased, we didn't care. We were honestly those people who are just happy. I mean it IS in God's hands after all, right? I mean, we can't control it, so why try to choose either way? It's annoying when people constantly tell you, "I hope it's a _____." Hello, it's out of our hands. Anyway, "Baby Blue" is a hyper lil fellow right now. For several days I wondered if he even napped. It's amazing to think about how life begins, forms...what in the world is a baby thinking? What is Baby Blue doing when it feels like a wet dog is shaking the water off in there? Lovin' it!

Obviously Baby Blue has no official name yet.

On kind of a downer - one of my mom's younger sisters was diagnosed with lymphoma just 2 weeks ago. It was all very sudden. She had been feeling bad for a couple of weeks and had swollen gland. They thought it was her thyroid. She went in on a Friday for some additional blood work, they ended up admitting her to the hospital, and by the next morning they told her the mass growing around (kinda on the side and behind) her heart was a lymphoma. They did a procedure that morning and wanted to start chemo, but they waited until the following week for the first treatment. They've done 2 and will do the chemo every 3 weeks for a few months. Then radiation. Crazy. All crazy.

Lots of stuff happening. Lots of it. And lots of dumb drivers in Dallas.